Aug
12
2012
Caption Contest
Provide the winning caption to the picture above and win a free Moonbattery.com t-shirt, perfectly suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.
The winner will be announced Tuesday. T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage. All shirts are currently at least 20% off.
MAYBE…if I keep my eyes closed long enough, Paul Ryan WON’T really be the VP and this was all a bad dream….
Barry concentrates before belting out his classic speech reading warmup “ME ME ME ME MEEEEEE BUUUUUUSSSSSSSSHH!”
Will another four years be enough?
“I need an idea…lets’s see…..I got it!! I’ll legally change my name to Hillary before the ballots are printed!”
Gulp! What Larry Sinclair evidence?
“I have wealth and power, but how can I be happy when I see a Jew sitting at the king’s gate?!?!”
Ryan?! Oh, no….
This is starting to feel way too much like WORK.
I wonder if appointing an election Czar at this point might seem suspicious?
O.K. now who did that damn Ryan kill.
I’m going to hold my breath until all of those bad Republicans go away.
Ave Satanas. Give me the power to unleash your evil upon this earth…
Hey Axlerod, Tell me again how this copenhagen chew is supposed to bring in the flyover country vote?
dear allah, PLEEZE let me win again (& p.s., can you arrange for that catholic guy to tripduring his morning triathalons, just a good bump on the head to impair his speech before november. I will thank you forever Allah. Amen.
I need a cigarette… this chew just doesn’t do it for me.
Summoning the inner Lenin.
Romney chose Ryan? But I don’t wanna go back to work at the ice cream shop!!!
I’m gonna hold my breath till I get what I want!
Once more, the Sith will rule the galaxy!
If I keep my mouth shut, they won’t realize I swallowed my tongue.
Obama auditioning for the new Spaghetti Western, ‘Hoof Hearted’.
Hold on, I is about to make boom-boom.
If Michelle says “Let’s Move” one more time, I’m going to snap!
Oh Allah, Biden will have to debate Ryan
Dog…it tasted good going down…
Someone call Roto-rooter. The president is beyond backed up.
Oh crap, Romney has Ryan and I’m stuck that jackass Biden.
Okay, fans. This is your posture from now until the election. Do not listen to anything being said. Just put your minds on hold, and then on that happy election day you can have the honor of voting for me.
Carl didn’t take it to well after he found out that Lenny and Smithers were ‘just friends’.
R-squared? We are SOOOOOOOOO screwed!
Everyone laughed after the SCOAMF pulled the old “‘scuse me while I whip this out”.
“I think I can, I think I can, I know I can, I know I can?!”
“Go suck an egg?” Okay, if that’s what the voters want…Like this? Is this right? Quick, someone put instructions on my Teleprompter!
hope i did not get any Reggie on my tie!
“I am not a Commie……I am not a Commie……I am not a Commie……..”
Praise to Allah for giving me the one VEEP pick that let’s me tie Romney to “Ending Medicare and killing your grandma”.
“OMG. Ryan’s talking math again….please, God, not the math…I’m gonna look like an idiot.”
“Oh Allah, give me strength I am the ONE the world has been waiting for. Why do they resist me?”
“Oh Allah, It’s all catching up with me. I have to go full Facetious
Dictator on their AZZ before I end up in Guantanamo.”
Blind and petulant: The Obama legacy…
Come on Mr. Obama, you have to leave now. Its Mr. Romney’s turn.
If I relax my butt cheeks all of my economic policies will come out for the whole world to see.
not Ryan…not Ryan….DAMMIT
He did it.
He actually went and picked him.
That S*@ O# A B*%#@!
.
Brain Freeze!
.
.
Damn that Scarface coke is good!
.
Copenhagen wintergreen long cut om nom nom
If only Michelle could give this good head.
Allah: please help me hold in this choom smoke until after I win the election so I won’t have to worry about Romney/Ryan beating by “bill-maher.” Allahu Akbar!
“Oh, how I’ve missed this, Reggie…”
Okay, Okay, so I WAS the bottom at Man’s Country and Rahm Emanuel was the “power top.”
“There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…” camera pans down to the ‘Ruby Slippers’.
“The Lenin is my Shepard, other people’s money shall I want…”
I can see it now. Ryan wiping the floor with Biden.And I picked Biden so I would have foreign policy cred? What was I thinking?
So when will your laxative kick in?
Damn, that fart feels wet. That’s gonna itch when it dries.
”oh please, don’t let Ryan mention the math, again..”
It’s the cover of his new book.
Barack Obama Decision Points:
Spit or Swallow
“How is Roseanne Barr still more popular than me?”
Paul Ryan? ….. Damn!!
*” That dirty bastard Romney got Paul Ryan before I had a chance to!”
-OR-
*” Let’s see, If can start claiming my golf games as political outings and raise money for my severance pay…er…I …uh mean, my Election Campaign. Yeah, that’s it!”
THE ONE
(term president)
“I swear to allah, if someone mentions the economy ONE MORE DAMN TIME!…”
Alinsky, grant me the serenity…
“Damn…What the hell did I do with that pack of Zig-Zag’s?”.
Why, why, why won’t they listen to me…. Only I know what is best for them.
I hate when Moose trades me underwear!
…after being told Ryan is Romney’s VP pick Obama was heard saying:
“I just puked in my mouth alittle bit”
0bama while clicking his heels thinks……
“there’s no place like home…
THERE”S NO PLACE LIKE HOME….
DAMN THOSE GUYS…..
ROMEY AND RYAN ….”
” I want out, My dream has turned into my worst nightmare “
There’s going to be a teleprompter, there’s going to be a teleprompter, there’s going to be a teleprompter, . . .
Why can’t we all just worship me?
Just 3 more months of biting my tongue THEN I can finally tell these idiots what I plan to do with their “precious” constitution…
Why is everybody picking on me??
Oh sweet Allah, how am I going to tell Michelle to start packing?
Michelle, close your legs you know I can’t stand the sight.
Ryan? Oh, sweet Allah, don’t let anyone notice I just wet my pants.
The creation of a lie.
Paul Freakin’ Ryan…Allahdammit.
.
I HATE it when Moose gives me a wedgie! It’s not funny anymore..
.
Well, at least with Romney in the White-house I might be able find a job next year.
If the republicans dont want to pass my next law i will hold my breath until they do
Oh, I just pissed myself thinking of the Biden Ryan debate.
Yes, president Carter I am the worst president ever.
Moonbat radar deployed.
Scanning for nearest crisis to exploit…
“How many times do I have to say it? I fixed the economy, Romney will break it.”
Frank Marshall Davis told me that if i keep making this face it would stay this way….he’s right about everything.
O Reggie,Reggie,wherefore art thou Reggie?
“If this keeps up,I’m going to take my executive orders and go home”.
If Michelle can’t spend at least 2 million on vacation next year, she’s going to kick my ass…………..
“Maybe if I hold my breath the Republicans will do what I want”
“Ok Dave the trick is to hold the smoke in for a long time.”
“Damn, I wish Michelle would close her legs.”
“I can see them… dead voters… millions of dead voters.”
“Romney picked Paul Ryan?? F*ck me”.
Donate $3 to be entered in the ‘Oriental vagina chin’ contest.
“Obama struggles to hold down a huge bong hit in the basement of the White House, where he goes to hide from the Wookie”
I am so gonna loose with Ryan on the ticket! Maybe I can get Debbie to replace Joe!
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
-Percy B. Shelley
Damn…not arugula again.
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
That’s my caption, I just felt you all needed to see the full text from whence it came.
From whence? I actually said that? Geez….
I lower the price of admission to $51 in Chicago and still only get a half-full room?
There’s no place like home… there’s no place like home… wait THIS IS HOME!
Damn! Reggie’s man gravy sure tastes sour today!
By the way, I posted what I did before I read the posts of
Mike Turcotte says: August 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm
and
Ed357 says: August 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm.
I assume we all came up with that Wizard of Oz reference independently.
“When I do my face like this, I can wiggle my ears!!”
Dear Satan, Let me have my own Kingdom(America)just as Lucifer did
Paul Ryan? Oh shit!
Damn, a wet fart….
“Oh No!!! Axlerod, quick! Walk Close Behind Me To The Mens Room!!!
I can will this bad economy away, just like that inconvenient morning shit.
“I must stop Christmas from
Coming”
Where is the preparation H again?
Paul Motherf#@ing Ryan
Do farts have lumps, or did I just soil myself.
THEY WILL BREAK.
How many states are there again?
I don’t have my teleprompter, Better keep my mouth shut…
How do I breathe again?
I should have waited to say, “You didn’t build that.”
That was supposed to be a secret until my 2nd term!
“For God’s sake, somebody, ANYBODY, please cut the power to Biden’s mike.”
I know I con! I know I con!
I wish Michelle had a bigger cock.
“They said this would keep me from lying but God it HURTS! I gotta be me!”
he picked ryan,i just pooped myself?
Can I now release my “civilian national security force….”
“There’s no place like Kenya, there’s no place like Kenya,….”
Tears of a clown. When there’s no one around.
Paul Ryan? He picked PAUL FREAKING RYAN?! We’re screwed.
Damn. I missed my tee time.
You didn’t build that! Fuuuuuuuuuu….
Three Very Surreal Headlines Currently On The Drudge Report That Should Scare The Crap Out Of You.
PAPER: The Civil War of 2016…
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/aug/7/the-civil-war-of-2016/
U.S. military officers are told to plan to fight Americans…
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/aug/7/the-civil-war-of-2016/
Army Tactical Manuals Describe How to Control Domestic Insurrection…
http://www.infowars.com/us-army-tactical-manuals-describe-how-to-control-domestic-insurrection/
Why can’t we all just get a bong?
Ima open ma eyes an…
Be a Republican!
Hope dem polls be changin!
Dear God… I mean, Allah… Whatever your name is…
“I think they already found out I’m a fraud…”
From Before It’s News Dot Com
NDAA: The Most Important Lawsuit In American History That No One Is Talking About
http://beforeitsnews.com/alternative/2012/08/ndaa-the-most-important-lawsuit-in-american-history-that-no-one-is-talking-about-2450980.html
Reggie got a new beau.
“Yeah Reggie, harder!!”
“Damn! I’m going to have hear Paul Ryan lecture me again… and again…and again…”
Damn. Obviously, Michelle has been into the pork rinds again.
Damn! I need more fiber in my diet.
“…and please help me to complete the fundamental transformation of this nation. Allahu Akbar.”
Oh NO! They figured me out!
If I have to hear “Constitution” one more time…
Whaddy mean, I gotta fly commercial?
“Uh, God? Oooops, wrong number!”
Damn” I hate it when Moosechell Licks her Teeth Like That!
“Baracky!!!”
“Yes dear”
“Did you call the French ambassador like you promised about my next vacation????”
“um, Yes dear”
“well, HOP TO IT and call him now, you lazy nigga!!!!!”
“Yes dear”
.
I’m about to get my second term. Allahu-ackbar! Stupid infidels putting me in office.. All praise to allah!
.
“I’m comin’ Elizabeth”
Oh CRAP…they’re going to unseal everything!
The bad news: I crapped my pants.
The good news: I think I made diamonds when my sphincter tightened upon hearing Romney’s VEEP choice!
When asked about his college records…
Damn that choom, I fucked up and let my inner Marx slip out again !
Beanies and wienies for lunch again, eh Joe?
1. Practicing the Makayla meme in advance of losing the November election.
2. Don’t hold your breath. We’re not voting for you.
3. When you open your eyes after a count of three, you will no longer resent America or capitalism.
4. The spell has worn off. Casting it again won’t work.
5. The seance to commune with dead voters begins.
6. Damn, they found the photo shop artist.
7. How am I gonna make people believe that my running mate is smarter than Mitt’s?
8. Taqiyya: the Islamic version of Jedi mind tricks
How about:
“Waiting to Exhale”
or
“Do these ears make my head look fat?”
or
“Allah Akbar”
or
“Oh Barney, Michelle NEVER did it that good”
“Envisioning my kingdom on Earth”
or
“My Kingdom Come, My Will be Done”
Just sayin.
Obama reacts to the rise of the Tea Party: “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.”
Why don’t they believe me?
Does this ass make my ears look big?
If Michelle finds out what happened to Bo I am in deep trouble.
Wag the dog…then eat it!
Indigestion is a consequence of trying to spew too much BS at once.
“..Oh. No. They’re playing The Star Spangled Banner again! C’mon, Barry, don’t puke,don’t puke..”
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times…NO TEETH! Sorry
Obama’s sole talent:
While holding his breath and bearing down, Obama can create an identical replica of Reggie Love’s side-penis and scrotum with his lower lip and chin.
I think this is the winner:
Randog says:
August 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Obama reacts to the rise of the Tea Party: “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.”
Page 51 from the book “Trumpet Players for Dummies”
If I concentrate real hard and flap my ears fast enough, I can fly out of here!!
“I don’t get how Dizzie does it.”
Wow, I’m awesome……. I just got a tingle down my own leg. I wish I could kiss my own ass…..