Oct
06
2012
Caption Contest
Leave a comment providing the winning caption to the picture above and win a free Moonbattery.com t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.
The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage (all shirts are currently at least 20% off).
On a tip from Highway Hospital Student.
Mitt Romney (very quietly): “Dumbass!”
“Just who does he think he is?” said a defiant Michelle.
“I think he’s the father that I never had” Barack sadly replied.
“This way Moose. You can’t go home with Mitt.”
I’ve got something else to hand you Mr. President…..right here….under K. Ke….Ken…yep …here it is —Kenyan.
Here’s your birth certificate Mr. President.
F.
F.
Nope.
zero. Wrong. F-…
Just a minute Mr. President. Almost through grading your notes for you.
But, but, but…I have a Mooch World Tour planned. I want to go, I want to go. Barry, you messin’ with my plans, you wimp.
MMM. Me Moochelle. See bananas. Must eat. OOOH OOOH AHHH AHHH!
Michelle its time to call the movers
Let me leave you with some more advice you can use, Mr. President…
Get your guard up a little higher. Moose has a heck of a left jab.
“Michelle, I see by your husband’s Connecticut social security number, that both Hawaii and Kenya may have been falsely claiming him as native son… Could you, tonight, tell us where he was really born?”
No…no thanks. I’m just going to cross it out.
Thanks Mr. President, but I don’t think I need to remind the voters about Affirmative Action.
One step forward, two steps back, turn to your partner and give em a whack.
“Michelle, there are rumors afloat that your husband has a hammer&sickle tattooed on his nether regions, is this true?”
That’s correct Mr. President,…Moose. .. You can exit stage left.
Buh, bye..
“Michelle, have you ever heard of the men’s group at your church called ‘The Down Low Club’, and could you tell us the focus of their association?”
Psst…Michelle! For the last time…Get over here. You can’t go home with Mitt.
I’m still the president over you….
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“Michelle, we seek an answer to the question asked by the media of all great men America…do you know if he wears boxers or briefs?”
Oh for cryin out loud, Moose.. Did you just do that?
Here? Now? c’mon. We’ll blame it on the dog.
“Michelle, you know the truth, is Barack actually the ‘first gay president’?”
“Michell, how often do you have Bill and Bernadine to the White House for dinner”?
“Michelle, how can you afford more expensive clothes and vacations than my wife and family on a POTUS salary?”
No..No Mr. President. There’s no racism, here.
You have a lecturn as well. Just get your wife to show you where it is.
Obviously not used to wearing high heels, perhaps next time in her native bare feet
“Michelle, in what country do you and Barack plan to reside once your terms as co-presidents have come to a close?”
“It’s all I can do to keep from clenching my fists and messing that white boy up.”
One more thing, Mr. President…..Moose….Here, I’ll write it down for you….
“Happy Anniversary, Bitches”.
“Michelle, does Barack spend more time with you or Valarie Jarett in an average day?”
Michelle: “Stay right there, Barack. I’ll take care of this.”
You know Mr. President, maybe next debate you can get Letterman and Jay-Z to help you rap out your drivel.
If he says one more word Moose, kick his ass.
Keep your wig on mooch. And unclench your hooves.
Michelle:
I don’t care if it’s our anniversary, you are not getting any tonight!”
“Michelle, could you give us an estimate on how many more vacations you will be taking before January 21, 2013?”
The closing scene from the greatest farce of our time, Barry the Amazing Orator.
Romney thinking: “ha ha ha ha…hee hee heee…wooopeee…hee hee hee…ha ha ha…woo hoo… ha ha…weeeeeeee…yippeeee…ohhhhhh…wooopeee…ho ho ho…hee heee hee…”
“Take my wife, Please!”
“Who dat cracker fink he is using my Barack as a mop”
As the newly elected President of The United States of America, I’ve decided to bring charges of treason against X President Barack Obama and X First Lady Michelle Obama.
Michelle: “bIjatlh ‘e’ yImev, Barack.”
*You’ll have to know what language it is before it’s funny. Then it’s very funny.
Hey Mitt, know of any barbecue joints around here? Mooch needs her weekly rib fix.
You bastard, no more free lavish vacations for me and my girls… why I oughta…
Michelle to Barrack:
“You know that spanking you wanted for our anniversary tonight?
“Looks like somebody beat me to it.”
Big Bird looks pissed.
“I’m BO and I did not approve of this ass whooping.”
Romney: Look forward to schooling… er seeing you again in Hempstead!
No soup for you!
“Ever see Scanners when that dude’s head blew up?”—Wayne’s World
“Lucky he’s gay, ’cause he’s got about as much chance gettin’ MY booty tonight as he does Ann Coulter’s.”
Boy I will slap the taste buds out your mouth!
Romney” Hey Barry I”ve Got your Last Check Right Here. tell her not to Worry”
Mitt: Ever hear the phrase hot dog in a hallway?
Michelle: WHAT did you just say?
Mitt: Have fun!
“Next up for auction is a broken teleprompter reader and his bitter half. We’ll start the bidding at 15 trillion dollars…”
“Congratulations Michelle. You chose bachelor number zero. You and your date will receive $500 and a one way ticket to Chicago.”
Michelle..sweety, we’re not in Chicago anymore. Besides, how are we going to dump a body surrounded by a Secret Service detail?
Michelle: “Barry-You want me to kick his skinny *ss for you? Cause I will you know & I’m the man for the job!!!”
Barry- “uh, not now Michelle, uh, follow me, we got to start uh, house hunting in uh, Hawaii and there’s no time to uh, waste.”
Then she said MOOO!
This is my mommy ape stance, WHATCH OUT!!!
Michelle: “I told him to send an empty chair instead… I TOLD him, but did he listen…?”
I guess we’re going to see if Wookies do indeed pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they don’t win.
dat’s it…where my eating shovel be?
” Be quiet Michele there is Romney. Just act like we don’t see him”
Don’t MESS with my ‘eye candy’ suckah.
Yes, I remember that “Twilight Zone” episode, Michelle, but you can’t actually wish someone into the cornfield.
Michelle: “For the first time in my adult life, I feel like Satan has let me down. I have got to talk to Reverend Wright about this!”
Honey…honey(snap,snap)…honey,I’m over here.
‘mon whoop somebod’s ass up in here for diss’n maw man.’
Don’t hit him Michelle…. It’s bad enough HE made me look like a pussy.
You bitch slapped my husband, da shits on now Mitt!
I have your reservation right here, the two empty chairs on the left.
I just thought of another one:
You just screwed me out of another four years of $100 a
pound Kobe beef you MoFo!
“This arranged marriage s*** ain’t working”
uh Michelle, it’s a debate, it’s not that kind of a knockout.
Michelle: “bIjatlh ‘e’ yImev, Barak.”
* It’s Klingon: “Shut up, Barack.”
And Good Night to the Moonbat King and his Zombie Queen.
C’mon Chewey, let’s fire up the Millineum Falcon and get out of here!
Barry to Chewbacca:
“Happy anniversary boo – Sorry I am the one getting all the reaming tonight”
Worst.Anniversary.Ever.
Ok Mitt enough ass whooping – We’re going home!
Mit: Let’s see here, humiliate the leader of the free world…check!
Michele sees herself on the monitor: Oh, my God…I get it now…I’m Big Bird. I’m a Big frickin’ blue Bird!
BHO: So, I guess this means no Anniversary nookie with the wookie, ‘eh Meesh?
“Beam me up, Scooty. Just leave Michelle here to do the next debate”
He told you – it’s the altitude!
“After the debate, M’Chel wanted to go home with Mitt!”(sez Ann Coulter)
Mitt Romney thinking to himself: “That’s right bitches….keep walking.”
or..
Mitt Romney: “I think we’re done here.”
“Hey honey, did you know he only made $250,000,000? Why so little? What a loser.”
Link and Laugh
Romney: ::snicker:: “Magic hanky, works ever time.”
Obama: “Dafuq?”
Hey Joe? You wanna give it a go? (in lady Marmalade voice)
Where de white boy at?
Mitt cock blocked the president
May favorites so far:
Cat Whisperer says:
October 6, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Worst.Anniversary.Ever.
Atropos19 says:
October 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Mit: Let’s see here, humiliate the leader of the free world…check!
Restless says:
October 6, 2012 at 11:28 am
Michelle: “Stay right there, Barack. I’ll take care of this.”
Racist!
“If we win… You you will never be heard from again. I will see to it personally!”
Don’t be mad, Michelle. Everyone but FOX is gonna say I won anyways.
Mitt; “That was way too easy.”
No, Michelle, John Kerry doesn’t have secret service protection, but you still can’t just kill a sitting US Senator.
Seriously, Barack. Enough of your BS. Are you gonna tell me this was Bush’s fault too?
President Romney introducing the new Madame Tussauds exhibit.
Looks like somebody is going back to “not being proud” of this country.
“Barack, you know that spanking I promised you for our wedding anniversary? Tonight I’m really going to mean it.”
Go ahead, honey, don’t be shy. Ask President Romney if you can have his autograph.
Me and you and a dog named boo.
Barry, if you think I’ve ever given you a real good bitch slappin’, wait until I get through with this skinny white boy…..
Damn Barack, you gonna let THAT white boy beat you?
That’s the cracker Rev. Wright always warned us about.
Michelle, he’s trying to take our $1 billion vacations away!
True leader still working, empty suit just wants to go home.
National Geographic presents the first verified photo of the legendary Sasquatch. The Secret Service so far refuses to explain how it managed to appear on stage between President Obama and Governor Romney.
“Watch it, sucka!”
Hey Barack, Do Farts come out in lumps?
Hey Michelle, Pull my finger…
“Close your legs, babe… Your balls are showing!”
Did he just blow a dog whistle?
Dammit Barry, do something, that white boy is laughing at you.
Sigh…ain’t in no ways tired.
Reverend Wright didn’t tell me there would be days like this!! I would have married that other gay guy!
You think Mitt was hard on you tonight? Hah!!! Just wait ’til I get you home!
See Hon? That’s the guy who wants to take our food stamps away.
And he want me to run on my record so I don’t get fired again.
“She’s a trophy wife – ok she’s a stuffed moose but she’s still a trophy wife…”
cmon barack I’m taking your sorry ass home
hey wait, don’t he get extra points cause he is black
“Waa happened?
“I gonna haff to say Bob, In da butt”
THE IMMUTABLE TRUTH
as Michelle realizes the lavish vacations will soon be over.
(Romney) “If I ignore them, maybe they’ll go away.”
Romney “You really look hot tonight Michelle HA HA HA just kidding”.
Barry, whuffo’ did yo’ let thet white man make yo’ look so foolish?
Later favorites:
Kyle says:
October 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Don’t be mad, Michelle. Everyone but FOX is gonna say I won anyways.
762×51 says:
October 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm
That’s the cracker Rev. Wright always warned us about.
dapenguin says:
October 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm
hey wait, don’t he get extra points cause he is black
Barry. If he gets any closer. I’m going to break his leg off and shove it up his butt.
“Barack, it was so bad I won’t be able to sit for a week either…”
Hey Barry, that man is the reason I never loved my country. That White Man is doing it to us again.
Barry: “Just One snap of my fingers and the wookie tears his arms off…”
or
Romney: “Now on page thirteen of the manual it says ‘…if your RoboPuppet (TM) President and First Lady crash to the Blue Screen of Death (seen above) due to overload, you must push the small reset button concealed in the hairline (Figure 2-1) by inserting a pin or paperclip in the small hole…”
“Chele, I don’t recall seeing “ORGAN GRINDER” on Mitt’s resume. Do you?”
Romney snickering at the realization that Moochelle is going to beat the ever-living shit out of Barry when they get home after the debate.
Michelle “Mitt, does I looks like aunt Esther on Sanford and son?”
Crap. The last dress I get on the taxpayer’s dime and I pick THIS one?
This is the first time in my life I’ve actually felt like I’ve had a chair for a husband
No soup for you tonight, dumb ass.
That’s him Michelle!
If looks could k… (camera man falls to the ground clutching chest)
Cmon mooch,ya ready? let’s do this:
You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out,
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about,
You do the hokey pokey
and you turn yourself around
That what it’s all about.
Woo hoo…hey look.a pony!
“Sick em Cujo…Kill!
Mitt: Happy 20th, Mr President….
“Better put that dog on a leash”
Michelle: “Barack, a drone, Seal Team 6…something before next debate with this damn Mormon??
“Hey Mitt, I found the 400 lb. gorilla in the room. Wanna flip me for her?”
When I get you home…
“SIC ‘IM, DOG!”
Barack you dummy, he just did to you what you’re doing to the rest of America.
I know John Kerry, he’s a friend of mine. Mr. President, you’re no John Kerry!
You couldn’t even beat Kerry, the practice dummy. Why did you think you could beat this guy?
Y’all think ahm gone whip yo ass? Mrs. Robinson ain’t gone be too happy niether when she finds out its back to South Side. She be da one what taught me how to whip ass. An y’all gone tell her too!
Michelle: If anyone was going to pound your ass on our Anniversary, Barack, it should have been me.
Next time, just answer ‘present’. It got yo dummass this far!
Shooter1001 says:
October 7, 2012 at 6:18 am
Next time, just answer ‘present’. It got yo dummass this far!
ROFLMAO!!!!
Michelle: Whutchew smahlin ’bout crackerboy. Ahmma come over dare an whup you upside that honky face you got.
Michelle: Look atchew, skinyass pigeontoed fool. Git In da damn car.
You gone get some tonight, Barack, but not whutch y’ll be thinkin’.
“Michele, just got a text from Bill Clinton. He loves your blue dress. He’s wondering if it comes in any other sizes other than ‘Too Big To Fail’”???
Mitt: das right boy, das all y’all got? Das cuz yo mamma be a cracker. Das right,c’mon bring it boy, c’mon! Next tahm ahmma make you ‘pologize to yo mamma fo even showin up.
Dick Clark (aka Mitt Romney): Now, from Chicago’s South Side, are Barry and Mich, our runner up couple doing the lindy hop.
Mitt: And I’ll kick your butt on the court too. Got that? Look at me! Got it?
Exit theme on the PA system:
Fee, fee, fi, fi, fo-fo, fum
Look at Molly now, here she come
Wearin’ her wig hat and shades to match
She’s got high-heel shoes and an alligator hat
Wearin’ her pearls and her diamond rings
She’s got bracelets on her fingers, now, and everything
She’s the devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on
Thank you, Mitch Rider and the Detroit Wheels
1. [Michelle] Does this idiot make my ass look fat?
2. [Mit] I don’t care if you bring Valerie Jarret and Rahm next time, I’ll still wipe the floor with you Barry!
3. [Barry] “SQUIRREL!”
Barack, I am NOT happy. I shouldn’t have married a half black guy.
Mitt Romney : OK, you two can leave now, dismissed.
Lady in Gorrilla Suit : I am gonna kick his cracker ass.
Prez 0 : Come on Michelle, we have to pick up some empty boxes on the way home.
M to B:
I’m goin’kick your ass when we get back home!
“get yo bow-legged ass off-a ma stage, ho”…
Yosemite Sam crashes the debate.
Michelle: “Thanks a lot, Mitt! Now I have to deal with the tantrum Barry will be throwing all night!”
Guess who is NOT sleeping on the couch tonight…..
“What was Mitt doing? WINNING!”
Mitt “That was fun; let’s do this again sometime soon!”
Don’t worry Hon, he won’t take away your staff, vacations or your lobsters.
Bathhouse Barry: “Come along Moochie, don’t make me take out the leash in public… Don’t worry we haven’t been evicted yet, I’ve still got 30 plus days to sneak us into another four year lease!”
Moochie: “If I go with you can I get treat?”
Bathhouse Barry: “Sure, I’ll give you three serfs to toy with, but after that I want a spanking, by a man I actually like.”
Moochie: “Ok, I’ll call Reggie.”
mitt – bitch slap a pathological liar … check !
see a wookie up close and personal … check !
moochbacca – look at all them ignorant, racist, redneck, bitter clinging crackers pointing and laughing at my barry ! God Damn America !
barry – uh uh uh .. glad dats over wif, where my choom at ?
And the two top moving companies from Washington DC to Chicago are….
My sons and I would be glad to come over and help you pack.
Don’t honey me! You just got punked. I’m going to find me a real man like Mitt
Mitt: Which one am I debating, the mook or the Tiger Woods wannabe?
Mitt: WTF did you bring him for?
Mitt: Yo, Barack who’s she, your new teleprompter?
Time for a vacation!
Yes, Barack, I’d be glad to check with my friends at Harvard and see if there is still an open position.
Now Ann and I don’t want to crowd you; what time will you and Michele have vacated the White House?
At least the bitter half’s penis isn’t bulging out from underneath his dress.
http://www.ihatethemedia.com/wp-content/uploads/michelle-obama-bulge-e1273238194417.jpg
My vote goes to Sepp at 6:08!
the bow-legged bitter half bitch is about to let loose of whole bag whoop-ass on the thin skinned Kenyan
Michelle: is it vacation time yet?
Romney: sooner than you think…
Romney: I’m sorry, but I was only prepared to slap one Bitch tonight…
I vill break you!
“But Sweeeeeeeeeeeetie, I swear I didn’t let Vallerie Jarret have your 20 pound box of choclates.”
these cheap ass Target panties bunchin up again – maybe if I move my leg like this – - they’ll let loose.
BARRY!! Get me the Handy Wipes…I just SH*T MY PANTS…YES..I SAID,”PANT”!
Where’s Fred Sanford, I need somebody to slap….
Barry, you want me to kick his ass ?
Don’t make me open this can of whoop ass!
New favorites:
Shooter1001 says:
October 7, 2012 at 6:26 am
Michelle: Look atchew, skinyass pigeontoed fool. Git In da damn car.
Eric says:
October 7, 2012 at 9:09 am
“What was Mitt doing? WINNING!”
Eric says:
October 7, 2012 at 9:10 am
Mitt “That was fun; let’s do this again sometime soon!”
Ka’ Plak!
Either my water just broke or I’ve pissed myself.