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Dec 29 2012

Caption Contest

david gregory high capacity magazine

Leave a comment providing the winning caption to the picture above and win a free t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.

The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a US mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage (all shirts are currently at least 20% off).

  • snuss

    If I shove this far enough up my ass, will bullets come out of my nose?

  • Grunt

    “I can do this because rules only apply to the little people.”

  • snuss

    Hello, I am a Liberal talking head, breaking the law on national television. But, since I am a member of the Lamestream Liberal media, nothing will happen to me.

  • Alphamail

    NBC’s Magazine Salesman of the Year

  • gemalo

    If I’m not mistaken, this is one of those 100 round assault shoulder things that go up.

  • snuss

    By banning this one part, mass murders like Newtown will never happen again. The unicorn that poops out money for Liberal programs told me so.

  • DanStlMo

    This is a weapon of mass destruction.

  • Bad Barry

    High capacity magazine or a salad shooter, it’s all the same to me.

  • Bob Roberts

    Oh I see snuss (first comment on thread) already had this basic idea… well here was my first though upon seeing this moonbat’s picture, before I read the comments, here:

    You have no idea how good it feels to shove one of these up your ass. Two at a time is even better.

  • Bob Roberts

    Since my first idea was taken:

    I’m going to see if the Get Out of Jail Free card Obama gave me really works.

  • Bad Barry

    Care to guess what body cavity I used to smuggle this into the studio?

  • Eat Your Peas

    Alphamail wins it- imho

  • d3l

    can these be modified to shoot condoms at the kindergarteners?

  • modd kenwood

    This assures David Gregory of getting nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize

  • “If I put this in my mouth, will ObrownMao be jealous?”

  • Junius

    Even though the shape is wrong, this fits nicely up my ass.

  • Matt

    If I call it a clip, does that exempt it from magazine laws?

  • “I’ll tell you this, it’s illegal to even hold one of these babies in your hand. Hey, wait!”

  • JohnB

    Screw the cops! Dont you understand, this is for RATINGS!

  • Contessa61

    “These must be banned…unless we give them to the Mexican drug cartel.”

  • t-dubyah-d

    I want this magazine on the cover of Newsweek magazine! What? Nevermind.

  • Sam Adams

    OK, the cops told me not to show you this, but I work for a national TV network so it’s OK.

  • Sam Adams

    Then if you tape two together, you can have effectively a 60 round magazine. 3M…you are next.

  • Boston Pat

    My journalist tax subsidy is invalid if I don’t support banning these for sale to the public.

  • Kevin R.

    That clip should have a little “I’m with stupid’ sticker on it pointing at Gregory.

  • Ummah Gummah


    Got this from a coupla homies just down the street..


  • “If I was a Black teenager, I’d be in jail right now.”

    *stolen from William Jacobson at Legal Insurrection.

  • jp

    ‘My” kids don’t take apples to school for the teachers.

  • Ummah Gummah


    Gerbil, meet Magazine!


  • Ummah Gummah


    Oh God! I am feeling a tingle up my leg!


  • bee

    Life Magazine

  • Ummah Gummah


    Hey DCPD, I’m Da Dave.. yeah, THAT Dave, the one from NBC, that’s David Gregory to YOU, pals! I know you told me I can’t do this, but here I am.. IN YOUR FACE.. and what are you going to do about it?


  • Buffalobob

    I can’t help if I drooled all over it, my slack jaw is a disability. How do you think I got this job.

  • Ummah Gummah


    David Koresh and his followers were incinerated for less and HERE I AM, biatches!


  • Zim

    “hey look what Eric Holder sent me”

  • wth

    “I know all about this stuff, so pay attention Proles.”

  • Ummah Gummah


    I got a little friend in the White House and you don’t! So who cares what the poh-lice tell me I can’t do!

    No way I’ll ever do time for this little stunt but the ratings.. oh boy.. the ratings..


    It’s a great country, isn’t it?


  • kx59

    It’s OK. I’m a journolist.

  • Babagounj

    This is my lunch , I need more fiber in my diet

  • WTH

    This is something that goes bang, bang, bang, I think
    I just know that its the NRA and Tea Partys fault and
    I hate Bush.

  • Shooter1001

    OK, which one of you guys stuck this up my ass while I was asleep?

  • Shooter1001

    A 30 round clip is illegal! Two 15 round clips are OK. Makes sense.

  • Tony C.

    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

  • Ummah Gummah


    I’m not a jihadist but I can play one on TV!


  • Shooter1001

    You got one purddy mouth, Davy. You gonna love prison.

  • Ummah Gummah

    Tony C. says:
    December 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm
    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

    As if a journ0list would care about THAT.


  • Tony C.

    Hey, aren’t these the cause of global warming?

  • kate j

    I’ve got a Golden Ticket… to the DC pokey.

  • Shooter1001

    It fires suppositories, Davy.

  • “Bullets this size should not be allowed on our streets.”

  • Shooter1001

    Bounce it off the desk a time or two. See if it works.

  • Chris

    Today on Meet the Press…David Gregory plays “Cotton Mouth Joe” on his assault harmonica.

  • big-pete

    I know I make it look easy but being this stupid takes lots of hard work.

  • Shooter1001

    I got this from Sen. John Kerry. He was in Viet Nam, you know.

  • David

    Back off, bitches… I’m about to get all “fast and furious” on your asses!

  • Sweep the leg

    Ok, Wayne, if you’re such an “expert”, answer me this. Did I fire six shots, or only 5?

  • Sweep the leg

    Does anyone know if this thing has a safety?

  • IslandLifer

    “I smuggled this up my arse just to show you how easy it is to get by security. Tomorrow I’ll bring the entire weapon attached “

  • Logic_Mine

    Your honor, the DA would like to provide you with EXHIBIT “A” in our case against the defendant in posession of “ILLEGALLY” holding a high capacity magazine.

  • Heltau

    This is just big enough for the female co-ancor to suck on.

  • Alborn

    It would take eleven more of these for someone to be able to get in my buddy the pres and my kids school.

  • chris

    Next week I plan on using a kilo of cocaine as a prop for my report on the drug war.

  • Arty

    “This is my rifle, this is my gun. This 30 round thingy goes up my bum.”

  • Conan

    “Say hello to my lil friend!”

  • Shooter1001

    A Sidwell Friends security guy asked me what this was. Those guys aren’t exactly ‘combat ready’.

  • WTSherman1864

    It is a tasty chocolate bar but why so big?

  • Ron spins

    Senator Feinstein gave me this from her private arsenal.

  • David

    Do as I say, not as I do.

  • True Blue

    I don’t know what this is, or what it does; but I do not want You to be able to own one…

  • True Blue

    See how dangerous this thing is? If I let it out of my hand, it would jump up and start killing people all by itself….

  • Jodie

    He’s thinking: I can’t wait til Obama sees this! He’s gonna be so pleased! At least, I really, really, really hope so! Ohhhhh, Obama…sigh…

  • Steve

    Guns are bad, mkay?

  • Charlie

    “I just pulled this out of my ass, and honestly, officer, I don’t know how it got there.”

  • True Blue

    How can we sleep at night knowing that the Serfs could own These? Why -in no time, they might start thinking that They run this country…

  • WTH

    This dumb magazine does not have one picture in it.

  • KHarn

    “Ya know I read it in a magazine… Oh! Oh! Be-Benny and the Jetssssss.”

  • Alphamail

    Popular NRA magazine set to replace Newsweek’s last edition on Dec. 31, 2012!

  • Jesse

    I’m better than you. js

  • Bill T

    If I shove this up my ass I can spout four lies a second or a hundred a minute!

  • Keith

    I used to like gerbils… But this is much nicer!

  • chronos the wonder pig

    “Hello, I’m working my way through college selling magazines……”

  • Joe

    Ha ha mine’s bigger than yours

  • Doubting Rich

    “It fits well, but not only is it uncomfortable for my girlfriend, but it does not reliably prevent pregnancy”

  • Dbm

    “Would you not agree nuclear devices such as this should be banned!”

  • Dbm

    My wife told me to hold this up on my show and she said she would make sure I had sex tonight. She also said I should get used to saying Bubba in a sexy way? She is trying to make up after our fight last night.

  • Dbm

    Sorry I’ve just been informed this is something used on a gun and not at all what I thought it was. Last time I try to buy sex toys at a Army surplus store.

  • Aussie-John

    It’s ok, this one won’t work cause its bent…

  • epb

    Before you shove this up my a$$, don’t forget my safe word is “Obama”.

  • epb

    IT’s about this long and curves this way too.

  • Devil Tongue

    …and this is ALL you need to have a hair part as bad as mine!

  • Leonard Jones

    I may not know a magazine from a piss-pot, but being a
    liberal I am an authority on everything!

  • mimi

    Howdy Doody with a clip!

  • Mark

    “I have one of these between my bottom lip and gum.”

  • “I have a helmet, and THIS is my shouldermapads!”

  • Devil Tongue

    And if you order within the next 15 minutes, for a mere $220.00, we will enclose an extra hair seperator for FREE. Hurry, this offer is of a limited time and only available to the first twenty callers.

  • Canis lupus

    Watch me tap this magazine on my head like the army guys in the movies.

  • Infidel’s Smarter Brother

    Maybe if I hold this in my soft delicate hands, it’ll make me look more masculine. I’m gettin laid tonight!

  • elizabeth

    This is not my clip. It’s Rambo’s. What we have here is a case of mistaken identity. For the love of Gaia, don’t send me to prison!

  • Hillman

    My ass…your magazine. Do me now you Bible clinging, gun loving ass packers.

  • delicious kool-aid for comrades

    This 6000 round extra magazine suppressor brass catcher derringer clip makes your rod shoot faster!

  • Bill Jones

    OK for me but not thee.

  • Kenny

    Oh, this? It is NOT a magazine. I was told NOT to bring a magazine on the air. I am NOT even allowed to possess one in this town. This is part of my wife’s tampon dispenser!

  • Kenny

    This is one of those “Glocks” that you have heard so much about.

  • Bill T

    You know when the second amendment was written, they never envisioned things like this, it was intended for powder horns and lead balls.

  • Darrell

    “Anyone possessing one of these is a potential killer. Except for me, of course. Everyone else cannot be trusted.”

  • fred

    I have no clue what this is, but I hope the guards at my children’s school have them.

  • Miz Barkee

    This is my ticket to becoming the star of many, many 24 hour news cycles! Take that, fiscal cliff!

  • Joy

    These things are available everywhere. I bought this one on my way to the studio from a kid on the corner for three bucks.

  • Agnostic Conservative

    This gun must be banned.

  • ent

    “Don’t worry, my bodyguard has assured me that it’s legal to show one one of his high-capacity magazines on TV.”

  • Max & Eric

    We`re going to insist on warning labels

  • Max & Eric

    And this will be your one way ticket to a reeducation camp

  • Max & Eric

    We will will shoot you on sight.

  • Max & Eric

    there`s some guy in Indiana who wants to kick my ass, because I`m a Asslicking POS

  • Mattius Maxumus

    “I can deepthroat this entire assualt clip.”

  • “This right here? This is our ticket to neutering those gun and bible clingers once and for all!”

  • Xavier

    This is the AR-15 the government needs to ban.
    Unless you’re a Mexican drug lord.

  • David

    Given the choice, every Founder would have rejected this and insisted on a musket. Trust me.

  • Larry

    This thing? 30 rounds. My big mouth? 10 metric tons of Bullsh*t.

  • depwavid

    Hoist by me own petard…

  • dapenguin

    Now you ordinary citizens, do not try this at home. Only those of us above the law can possess these.

  • dave

    Duh if I can make dis ting smaller din all derm people don’t get shoted no mo duh.

  • jinks

    These magazines will hold 30 articles of right minded, constitutional propaganda.

  • james

    I have seen Tiger Woods’ penis, and this magazine dwarfs in comparison to the length of the magnificent shaft that I so desire.

  • BJ

    This is a banana clip. Bananas must be outlawed.

  • Jodie

    This hur is a heat seeking missile. (wink) I got a nuther one in ma pants. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

  • Shooter1001

    Size matters!

  • mimi

    moonbats gotta gun………!

  • Sweep the leg

    One more word and I shoot!

  • Sweep the leg

    …And, if I were to outfit this with a scope, imagine the mayhem I could cause from far away…

  • Jodie

    Okay, I’m a little scared, but Obama promised that if I do this, he will come on my show next week. And, he promised to wear the same peach lipstick that I wear. Awesome! Besides, if Obama is for me, what can the cops do to me?

  • Spacely’s Sprockets

    Tony C. says:

    December 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

    *** Hands down the funniest caption – Tony C wins!

  • Max & Eric

    I learned this from watching porn

  • wingmann

    I’m against these but am in favor of high capacity condom dispensers in school.

  • libertea

    “Now I’m told that high capacity magazines like this are just lying around in dentist’s offices and barber shops all over the country, freely available to anyone.”

  • Chris Paul

    “I bet I can put this whole thing in my mouth”.

  • MPCpiano

    I simply flash this and Obama will magically appear on my show in two weeks.

  • MPCpiano

    I simply flash this and Obama will magically appear on my show next week.

  • Shooter1001

    Nice manicure, Dave!

  • Shooter1001

    High School must have been hell, eh Dave?

  • Cameraman

    “Damn CTD has these for $60.00, we have a Holiday special for our viewers Only $39.99..Brought to you by Liberals for Sandy Hook!

  • Shooter1001

    Steve Jobs himself gave me this! It’s the iPad6! With this I can rule Apple!

  • Ghost of FA Hayek

    “Now I’m told that high capacity magazines like this are just lying around in dentist’s offices and barber shops all over the country, freely available to anyone.”
    No, but LOW capacity magazines sure are
    (Time, Newsweak, ect)

  • Spikehb

    Now, I’m going to hide this and show you why the TSA needs to do body cavity searches.

  • atticus90

    Why am I under arrest? This doesn’t look dangerous. Oooops sorry Barack, did I screw up your position again?

  • Spikehb

    The mere sight of this caused Hilary to faint causing her to suffer a concussion.

  • Spikehb

    Just the act of inserting this into a Bushmaster caused me to have an orgasm.

  • Brian_Boru

    And they make these black because gun owners are racist!!!

  • Richard C.

    HA,,,,,,Mines bigger than yours!!!!

  • WTSherman1864

    Which part is the magazine? And where are the pages??

  • Big Stupid

    “I’m honored to be the spokesperson for Pos-T-Vac now that they’ve introduced this new rectangular slim travel version for us extra-small men on-the-go.”

  • icandothisallday

    Suddenly, a monkey appeared on the set, wielding a banana magazine.

  • Shooter1001

    Stroke this!

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