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Jan 25 2013

Federal Winter Weather Tips

It’s not as if we get nothing whatsoever for the $trillions upon $trillions the federal government spends. Our wise overlords occasionally dispense pearls of wisdom to help us through hardships. For example, while not collecting astonishing quantities of hollow point ammo to kill us with, the Department of Homeland Security issues tips on how to deal with winter. Remember, comrades:

Stay indoors during the storm.

This is because it is warmer indoors, at least until Obama finishes destroying the coal industry.

Walk carefully on snowy, icy, walkways.

You don’t want to fall down and give your brain a hard knock like Shrillary.

Avoid overexertion when shoveling snow.

Et cetera, ad nauseam. How many $zillions preparing these tips added to the national debt has not been disclosed.

janet-napolitano-uncle-mort
Big Sis says to stay indoors during storms.

On a tip from Wiggins.

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  • Doug

    You forgot one:

    Pay your taxes early. Makes checks out to “The Muslim Brotherhood, inc.”

  • Buffalobob

    Big Sis also said, “if you must go out in the cold, wear your Janet approved thermal bloomers”.

  • 70Stage1

    Here are some more: “Don’t shake your baby”, “Using drugs during your pregnancy can cause harm to your baby”, etc. etc. Our tax dollars hard at work, “educating” the people who vote Democrat.

    I’m SO sick of our current situation. I’m ready to ammo up & move to that compound in Idaho.

  • Thorn the mediocre

    70Stage1 says: I’m SO sick of our current situation. I’m ready to ammo up & move to that compound in Idaho.

    ———–

    Randy Weaver had that same idea. How did it work out for him?

  • Reagan Conservative

    Here’s a tip for the welfare office: “Please do not cuts in front of our other clients while you is waiting in line to receive yo welfare checks, EBT cards, Obamaphone and other free sh$t. If you does, we is not responsbile if the white folks start videoing you gettin yo ass beat and posts it on Youtube.”

  • Doug

    Hey, I moved to NW Montana at the very end of a loooong dirt road. Since I’m right on the US/Canada border every once in a while I hear a strange distant whirring. I’m thinkin’ it must be one of these.

  • Ghost of FA Hayek

    Leave early for your regularly scheduled appointment at Planned Parenthood
    Stock up on important items such as condoms, absentee voter ballots, and medical marijuana.
    If in New York, beware of pissed off unionized snowplow drivers. However if you find them asleep on duty be kind, offer them a pillow
    And the last line :
    Just remember, the state loves you

  • ThisObamaNation

    Obama to Shut Down Southern Air Defense Systems: “It Will Be Open Season for Terrorists Flying In With Nukes, Low Altitude Missiles, Or Even Full Scale Invasion of America”

    http://cavnews.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/obama-to-shut-down-southern-air-defense-systems-it-will-be-open-season-for-terrorists-flying-in-with-nukes-low-altitude-missiles-or-even-full-scale-invasion-of-america/

  • Bob Roberts
  • Musicmaven

    Why don’t we just thin the herd…..if you are too stupid to get in out of the cold you really should just die!!
    Is that too harsh…I am just tired of all this Nanny State crap.

  • F.D.R. in Hell

    If you live in NY/NJ and are still without power from SANDY, try to stay warm when it’s 11*F tonight.

    Call FEMA on Monday, if you’re still alive, and ask them if you can rename your neighborhood “Haiti” :evil:

  • dan

    Don’t let your toddlers fall head-first into a five gallon bucket ….sure it would be tragic,
    but then so would dying in a beer cave

  • jc14

    Why hasn’t the incompetent corruptocrat Big Sis left the DHS already, like the other rats abandoning the sinking ship (Shrillary, et al.)? Too good a gig, I reckon; lots of bennies, very little actual work, lots of opportunities to blast those damned “right-wing extremists” (you know, the ones who fly planes into buildings – oh, wait, that’s those other peaceful, non-extreme, extremists) . . .
    Guess I answered my own question, eh?

  • Jester

    Stay indoors during the storm.

    While she flies off to Hawaii for a 6-week vacation on our tab.

  • Sam Adams

    Under the democrat plan, children will have fewer and fewer responsible parents. A typical grandmother will be 26 years old.

    You aren’t going to get these pearls of wisdom from your 26 year old granny….since she didn’t learn them from anyone.

    Here’s another pearl of wisdom…just because he says he loves you doesn’t make it so. Just because he says he will stick around doesn’t make it so. When you decide to risk having a child out of wedlock (that means “unmarried,” girls), you have just decided to enslave yourself.

    You will have no say if and when the baby’s daddy (if you know his name) will send you any support payments. You have no say in how much the federal government will give you so that you don’t have to live in momma’s basement and eat dog food. And no social worker really cares if you graduate from school or if you ever get a job. In fact, you being dumb and out of work is job security for them.

    Here’s the best part…as soon as you start earning money, the government takes away those “free” benefits faster than you can actually earn money.

    Yes, indeed. You have chosen to sell yourself into slavery and the government is your new massa.

  • Alphamail

    Doug

    It’s not that bad yet.

    The word from Sand Point says you’re hearing windmills.

    The libs weapon of choice,

  • Alphamail

    JC14 says

    She’s not leaving while the secret service is still willing to share their girls with her.

  • Alphamail

    I had an incident the other day.

    Homeland Security actually came to my door in riot gear.

    I thought it was because I said on MB that I was going to buy an AR-15 and join a militia.

    They said they knew about that, but didn’t care.

    They had a warrant to check my pillows.

    Seems they found a manufacturer’s tag that had been cut off laying beside my garbage.

    I told them I would never remove the label because it clearly instructs me not to.

    I convinced them it must have been a neighbor and they left.

    Close call.

  • Glorious Hopetopia

    @Alphamail eat your bean sprouts before comradette Mooch sends out the green shirts! Trust no neighbor and any that voted for sobama should be shunned and ostracized.

  • Shaneequa

    Da damn instruction don’t say nuphin bout wipin no feet when you come in from da snow. Now I gots some liquid snow on my carpet. Some b*tch gonna pay for dis. Dae better come clean dis up!

  • Dr. 9

    Put an ultra-leftist fat dyke in charge of the Dept. of Homeland Stupidity and this is what you get. I wonder how long it took her/his/it’s huge “all female” staff to amass these words of wisdom?

  • Steve

    You’d think they’d want people to slip on the ice and hit their head on the ground. It provides a new supply of democrats.

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