Mar
16
2013
Caption Contest
Leave a comment providing the winning caption for NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg and win a free Moonbattery.com t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.
The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a US mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage.
Compliments of Sean C.
“Dear Obama,
Please grant us peace and the willingness of the people to abide by our edicts.
Amen”
Damned ExLax never works!
Please Jesus, don’t let that nun whack me again!
EGADS! I think I just crapped my pants… oh never mind that was just me talking
…And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from super-sized sodas.
What good is a billion dollars if you I can’t even buy off one local judge?
Please Lord, make me the pope.
Damn! Can’t let anyone know I was a Similac baby!!!
Hail Mary…
Allahu akbar..
I will wish them all into the corn field…
I swear to God, if I see one more fat person on the streets of this city….
“…and here in my hands, I present to you the new, 0.75 ounce, official “New York Fun Size” soda. Bottoms up!”
“This Easter holiday, once a year, full of fluffy little white bunnies with all those sugary candies it brings with it…. I want to ban it NOW!”
Then, Bloomberg begged, “Barbara [Walters] please, you have to get rid of that Hasselbeck chick. She’s spoiling our message!”
“So then after making all these outlandish promises, I have the voters’ nuts in my grasp and I just do THIS.”
Pretty please! If you let me ban just this, I promise to stop there.
I pray for more dead children
.
What a bad time to run out of Preparation H!
.
“Providence has ordained that I should be the greatest liberator of humanity. I am freeing man from the restraints of an intelligence that has taken charge, from the dirty and degrading self-mortification of a false vision called conscience and morality, and from the demands of a freedom and independence which only a very few can bear.”
- Rauschning, Hitler Speaks, p. 222
“I’ll give up my mayorship when you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”
My name is Bloomberg…and I’m a power-tripping egotist.
I’m addicted to anything that I can get my hands on that enables me to control the smallest details of life for those too gullible or cowardly to force me into re-hab. I can fix all of your problems if reelected.
Thanks for letting me share…..my psychopathy with you.
“It’s time we started a dialog about four term mayorialships.”
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
NO NO NO I won’t stop until that judge apologizes
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Good! Good! Let the butthurt flow through you!
I will spend any amount to crush the opposition!
Give me your liberty or give us your pop!
Can someone turn up the heat in here? I just finished a Guzzler and my hands are freezing!
There come a point when having so many billions doesn’t make you feel any more powerful or give you any more a sense of freedom, that is when you have to take freedom from others and control everything they do in order to make you feel powerful -
My cold hands are a match with my cold heart. I wonder what that means.
Dr Benjamin Carson Addresses CPAC 2013 (Video)
http://commoncts.blogspot.com/2013/03/video-dr-ben-carson-addresses-cpac-2013.html
Please Beelzebub,I beg of you,don’t give up on me now….there is still much damage to inflict on the Plebs.
“If I was half black, I’d be president today!”
Then,…I smashed his little fucking head.
I’m so close to perfecting society…
I hold in my hand, the only soft drink size approved by me.
My Precious!
I’ll get you…and your little dog too!
I can’t believe that damned judge shoved that whole Big Gulp up my ass.
Oh won’t you please supersize my midget self??
I see you out there clinging to your guns and Big Gulps.
“I hold in my tiny hands, the collective intelligence of My Administration”
praying for a 4th term
9 seconds to go before the podium, and my Imodium hasn’t kicked in…
My wife said we may have sex this decade…
If everyone knew what I know, they would act like this…
Yes my precious…
Even though he new Ms Quinn was a lesbian, his honor still felt the pangs of a young school boy as she opened his Valentine…
I really need this job.
Please God, I need this job.
I’ve got to get this job.
went through his head with the music of Chorus line…
hows my “furtive”?
Please lord let me be a bigger jackass then i am right now
No no, I may LOOK like i am praying, but i am really thinking about my money…
Please Mr. Obama, if i do what you say, can i keep my money?
Please sir, may i ave MORE?
A dollar and a dream. you have to be in it to win it…
If they only knew how i really felt…
“I’ve got the whole world in my hands…”
At the end of the mayor’s term,a professional had to be called in to remove the key to Gracie Mansion from it’s secret hiding place.
Please let me be king…please,please,please,please…
…if I only had a brain..
“and when election time comes, please NYC voters, be as stupid and braindead as usual and put me back in office. I’m counting on it!”
Does this picture make me look like a dictator?If not I’ll try harder.
“Excuse me, do you have a couple gallons of Preparation H?”
“Damn you, Mary Poppins!”
“How does a hemorrhoid GET hemorrhoids?”
When I tense my face up I look like Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. Gosh I wish people liked me as much as they like him.
I hold in my hand the holy hand grenade from that Monty Python movie. Shall I use it to kill the audience, or save it to use against pesky bloggers?
Dear Satan,
Thanks for everything.
“I will rip the Big Gulp from you with my cold dead hands!”
“JA! And zen I crushed zem.. like ziiiis!”
The constipated look that says Nanny Bloomberg needs his M.O.M.
“Follow us into Mordor… *gollum**gollum*
“The truth is that men are tired of liberty.”
Benito Mussolini
If I do not get my soda ban, I swear I will take my billions to another country and buy my way to power there.
I witnessed an incredible moment at a girl’s basketball game earlier this week that I wanted to share with you all now that the story seems to have some legs. I’ve never witnessed anything so humbling and powerful at a sporting event. Even though it’s not political, I bet you’ll want to share this link with as many people as you can. http://www.rightmichigan.com/story/2013/3/15/132023/218
“I thought he was joking when he said he would stick that Big Gulp where the sun don’t shine”.
Deutschland über alles
Drats… Foiled Again
Sorry Dave, but I fail to see anything about that picture of Bloomberg that I can mock or make fun of.
GOD DAMN IT!YOU PEOPLE DO WHAT I SAY!I”M SMARTER AND RICHER THAN YOU PLEBES AND YOU WILL OBEY ME!
You have no idea of the kind of HELL I CAN BRING TO YOU!
Please, please don’t let the shit stain show through till I get off this stage!
I hold in my hand the rarest of all things on Earth. And that is all the common sense ever emitted by the Democratic party…
Please, won’t someone drive me to New Jersey to buy a Big Gulp.
Bloomflower warms up metro fist in preparation to announce NY’s newest ban…SKYSCRAPERS!!
“Excellent! Excellent!”
Don’t want a prize, but I felt like throwing in:
“It’s not enough, it’s never enough, I need more OPM for my next fix!”
I got the whole world in my hands….What do you you mean New York is not the center of the whole world?
Pllleease, Sarah, put down the Big Gulp.
Thank you Lord for having parents whos genetics did not supersize me, making me the worlds tallest midget
I do not have a Napoleon complex!
Who,s the son of a bitch that moved my foot stool?
“You don’t understand! When I was a small boy…and I was a very small boy….kids used to mock me with their super sized slurpees. Do you know what it’s like to be offered a giant slurpee IF you can hold it, but your tiny little hands can’t grasp a big drink? It leaves a mark I tell you! And I swore that someday NO ONE would ever have to go thru that hell again!
BTW…..from now on all coffee will be sold in demitasse cups, or as I refer to them; large mugs.”
Mirror mirror on the wall, if I was taller I could look at myself.
A yo-yo? A frickin yo- yo? You have to be 8 inches taller than me to play with a yo- yo bully bastards.
No, no, I said I wanted shrimp for dinner, not be the shrimp at dinner.
I am not happy , so which dwarf am I?
Mattel did not use me as a life size model of Ken.
No,obama likes it like this,with both hands.
I”M SO MAD AT YOU PEOPLE FOR HAVING YOUR OWN WILL!
Soon I’ll be able crush anyone who disagrees with me,soon.
I hold in my hand the last remaining remnant of the old republic. They called it the Bill of Rights.
Before we’re thru I will have all your big gulps AND your glass slippers too my pretty.(place wicked witches laugh here)
“Captain Queeg removes the steel balls from his pocket and he spins them in his palm insistently as he speaks…I know they had sodas larger than 16oz and I can prove it!”
Please God; not the pitch forks and grease-soaked mops. Where are the people who love me?
” I’m feeling a little pressure from that big gulp ‘suppository’ the judge gave me …in the roof of my mouth.”
“Where would you be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!”
I’m just trying to help you…really, I am
Heavens to Betsy, people, won’t you listen to reason.
Oh, please, save a little of your drink for me…
I’m going to drop down on my knees and pray for your health.
“Mt President” I caught your Favorite Kind of Fly!
Right off that Last Turd, Joe Biden Dropped”
“A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.”
-James Joyce
Release the bureaucrats!
They’re coming to take me away! haha they’re coming to take me away!
“Please god, grant me The Force to banish the Soda Sellers from the temple.”
I tried being reasonable, I didn’t like it.
(compliments of Clint Eastwood)
He looks like Ray Walston, doesn’t he?
So I thought a line from Mr. Hand (Fast Times @ Ridgemont High) might be appropriate – at least the first two sentences below are from that source:
Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing? You know I know what’s best for you, even if I won’t follow my own edicts.
They say I look like Mother Theresa….
Where is the ring, i want the ring, it is my precious.
Yessss my precious New Yorkers, you are all mine! I hold you all in my lovely nanny hands. Mine … all MINE!!!!!
“My name is Ozymandias. Look on my works and despair.”
Shelley
I hate that judge, no one has ever told me no before. Ban him, ban him now!
“I’ll get you my pretty, and your Big Gulp too”
“One MILLION ounces”.
Who the hey is that mummy?
(channeling Charlie Sheen)
“WINNING!”
Why bother, you only pick the lamest, anyway!
I was this close to being tall enough to be the Leprechaun in todays St. Patricks day parade.
And for my next trick, I’m going to make ALL the hot dogs disappear at the Yankee games.
It’s for my people!!
.
If MB has covered this and I missed it I apologize. I’ve been waiting for the next Open Thread but maybe I can just put it here for now, near the end of this CC.
We all have heard about weird ultra-LIEberal stuff coming out of Texas schools, like children forced to wear burkas and made to pontificate about the beauty of islam, and we wonder how can this be coming out of Texas, of all places, right?
Next piece in the puzzle is the occasional blurb about the libs wanting to take over Texas, which would mean Game Over, USA.
[They have already done it in Colorado]
Now have a look at this which will tie it all together:
Terrorist Professor Bill Ayers and Obama’s Federal School Curriculum
http://www.aim.org/special-report/terrorist-professor-bill-ayers-and-obamas-federal-school-curriculum/
Three years after the Department of Education announced a contest called Race-to-the-Top for $4.35 billion in stimulus funds, some parents, teachers, governors, and citizen and public policy groups are coming to an awful realization about the likely outcomes:
A national curriculum called Common Core
Regionalism, or the replacement of local governments by federally appointed bureaucrats
A leveling of all schools to one, low national standard, and a redistribution of education funds among school districts
An effective federal tracking of all students
The loss of the option of avoiding the national curriculum and tests through private school and home school
Working behind the scenes, implementing these policies and writing the standards are associates from President Obama’s community organizing days. In de facto control of the education component is Linda Darling-Hammond, a radical left-wing educator and close colleague of William “Bill” Ayers, the former leader of the communist terrorist Weather Underground who became a professor of education and friend of Obama’s.
–
This has been going on already while their noise about stuff like guns provides the cover.
They are dumbing down our kids and shutting down all avenues of escape. Besides, if only a few of US raise our kids to be intelligent patriotic Citizens, what difference does that still make once the vast majority have been turned into unthinking drones, incapable of independent thought?
The terrorist Bill Ayers is on track to achieve his vision for the country, quite possibly without even having to kill some 30-odd million of us.
.
NO! I will not don a fez cap and drive a shriners car in the St Patrick day parade, you know I cannot see over the windshield.
.
If they can invite Jeb Busch to CPAC, they could have invited me too!
.
Portrait of an uber manny.
A dick, a dick. My kingdom for a dick!
“The large soda ban is for the children.”
This…is…AMERIKA!
That idiot valet put the American flag pin flag over my Hammer & Sickle pin…again!
I’m doing what Pontius Pilate is famous for, washing his hands with Big Gulps.
Ze city iz not enough, ve vill crush ze non-compliant vere-ever zey claim ze freedomz to uber gulp en stein!
Any man, woman or child caught wearing green on St Patrick’s day shall be hung from a tree in Central Park!
“It is imperative we need to stop high fructose corn syrup abuse, just like heroin.”
“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious.”
“Look at the cute butt on that young man. I’ll get him on my private 727 and whisk him off to my private island in the Bahamas where i’ll “tax” him…”
Later in life, Skeletor gives up on conquering Castle Grayskull to rule in NYC.
and now dear satan make me governor
That’s right Sara,you naughty girl–slurp that huge Big Gulp.
Next, we must ban those 40 ounce beer bottles.
Limit beer purchases! No more Six packs to go.
No more cases or kegs.
“Fuck all of you people..”
“Release the hounds”
- Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns
DAMN I REALLY NEED A SUPER BIG GLUP
The face and grasp of modern Tyranny.
Ummah Gummah @ 5:08 am
I posted that twice last month…will comment next OT.
PLEASE, I just want to control you!
This is how I open a pickle jar!
If only those freedom loving Mississipians hadn’t passed the anti-Bloomberg law!
Please! Help me be their dictator, I know what’s best. I’ll whip those slobs into shape, so help me Obama!
Give me your tired, your hungry, your OBESE!
If you only knew how much I love..the clueless!
“This is a photo of intellectual constipation.”
Next… next I’ll ban pizza… and tacos. Yeah I’ll ban tacos – no i’ll ban all fast food. We will become thye first vegan city.
Please, please just let me be your mommy!
Oh Lord, smite all who want 48 OZ. drinks hip and thigh!
OK,OK, I’ll compromise, 18 ounce sodas are the limit and I’ll go no lower!
I am god!
Those darn Texans and their Chili and I banned large drinks, now both ends are burning….
I am Charlton Heston brother and I can walk on water..
Please pray with me, all of you. Dear Lord, stop me before I regulate again!
If I could only reach that judge’s neck!
Oh please satan cuase a loaded coke truck to overturn on the interstate and cover it with sticky cola mess
Now this is how I use the Jedi Mind Meld to make everyone agree with me!!!
I need an enema.
Please please please (James Brown)
Burn in Hell
abstain from the flesh of beasts
or you surely will.
Smite them, JEEEEEEEEEEsus,
You’re a friggin billionaire,
get some face work done
and a pair of elevator shoes.
“Don’t you people understand? I am BETTER than you!”
I’m gonna get you my little pretties!
it removes the Styrofoam from it’s (recycle) bin or I take Big Gulps away again
“Pray to me, your Nazi nanny,
I’m trying to shrink your humongous fanny,
Sugar is bad, and salt is, too
You should be glad that I’m helping you,
Instead you whine and cry and pout,
and you all think I’m a fascist lout,
Putting scales in restaurants is my next big deal,
Your Body Mass Index will determine your meal.
I’m smarter than you, so listen real good,
Obey my demands, or move out of this “hood”.
Heil Bloomberg!
More…more…I MUST have more of your freedoms!!!!!
This is a photograph of intellectual constipation.
Pizza! No more pizza! Fat Italians don’t vote for me anyway. Jews eat pizza?
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