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Dec 22 2014

Losing Weight Causes Global Warming

Those who treasure the welfare of the planet are encouraged to go ahead and pack on the pounds this holiday season. The Experts have discovered that losing weight causes global warming:

Despite a worldwide obsession with diets and fitness regimes, many health professionals cannot correctly answer the question of where body fat goes when people lose weight, a new study shows. The most common misconception among doctors, dieticians and personal trainers is that the missing mass has been converted into energy or heat. The correct answer is that most of the mass is breathed out as carbon dioxide and goes into thin air.

According to liberal dogma, carbon dioxide makes it be too warm out.

Unfortunately, even if not eating causes global warming, so does food. The best choice for conscientious moonbats is simply to stop existing.

Al Sharpton’s freakish transformation could cost us a white Christmas.

On a tip from Mr. Mentalo.

  • Rotohammer

    I usually sequester about 5 pounds of CO2 around my waist during the holidays.

  • Sharpton’s been smoking too much of what he’s bringing to the WH and by the
    looks of him, it’s crack.

  • formwiz

    He’s not only lost waaaaayyyy too much weight for it to be intentional, he’s also lost pigmentation.

    I note the same type of pigment loss in Barry and can’t help wondering if whatever malady it is brought them together.

    Birds, feather, do the math.

  • 762×51

    Either way, gas or mass, Little Al can blow it out his ass.

  • Crap. For a minute there, I thought that orange shirt read ‘Atlanta Department of Corrections’.

  • Wibbins

    I lost 70 lbs of fat 2 years ago woot

  • Grumpy Cat
  • .
  • TaterSalad

    Looks like the Sickle Cell Anemia has caught up with Fat Al…not long to go! Can’t wait because I will find his grave and take the longest healthy piss of my life on his head stone……….providing he has one!

  • Ol’ Uncle Lar

    “Al Sharpton’s freakish transformation could cost us a white Christmas.”
    Doncha know them snowflakes be rayciss.

  • dan

    I’ll reapportion that much in egg-nog alone….bring on the fruitcake !

  • dan

    well that settles it…I’m only gonna exhale until I loose a hundred pounds

  • MAS

    Dang it, now I have to lose weight while lighting my BBQ with diesel from the 1 ton pickup (with rifle racks). Y’all know how hard it is to lose weight like that? That’s me, the anti green guy.

  • robohobo60

    Looks like he has the “slims” (AIDS).

  • Henry


  • Henry

    By this logic, all those “obese” people Mooche is bashing on are actually carbon sinks… the whole thing is an open farce now.

  • Softly Bob

    You heard your god speak, Moonbats. So stop breathing ….. Now!

  • grayjohn

    I wish he would transform into compost.

  • Hexhamgeezer

    But on the plus side, less fatsos mean less water displacement when they hit the beach which keeps sea levels at a manageable level.


    Still a bobble head…
    Still a ick.
    Still a ewwww.

  • Son_of_Taz

    He already is compost.

  • Son_of_Taz

    Be sure to bring your dog and let him do #1 and #2.

  • Birdbranze

    How is this any worse than when they said cow farts caused global warming?

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