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Oct 10 2017

Fireman Fired as Thought Criminal for Bringing Watermelon to Work

Moonbat totalitarians won’t just ban words and the thoughts that might be expressed with those words. They will ban all sorts of things — even fruits:

41-year-old Robert Pattison went to introduce himself to his fellow firefighters at Engine 55 at Joy and Southfield in Detroit. Second Battalion Chief Shawn McCarty calls it a tradition for firefighters.

Part of the tradition is to come bearing gifts, usually donuts. But Pattison had a different idea:

Pattison, a probationary firefighter, decided to bring a watermelon wrapped in a pink ribbon. We’re told some African-American firefighters were instantly offended, since 90 percent of the people who work at Engine 55 are black.

You can guess what happened next. He was fired.

Pattison says it was not a joke, and it is unlikely the newbie intended to offend his fellow firefighters. To some people, a watermelon is just food. But intent is irrelevant when it comes to political incorrectness.

No doubt fried chicken would have resulted in the same punishment. Enjoy fried chicken and watermelon while you can; eventually they will be abolished, lest others commit Pattison’s infraction.

Tasty but wrong.

On tips from J and Torcer.

  • Chronos Z. Wonderpig


  • JackisBack

    Ban all hate-weaponized watermelons. Eat white crackers instead.

  • CRC60

    This has “wrongful termination” written all over it.

  • MAS

    Now there’s a station to stay far away from. Could y’all imagine working with a crew of perpetually butt hurt jack assess like this?

  • Eddie_Valiant

    Definitely a hostile workplace. He should have no problem finding a lawyer to sue the bankrupt Detroit.

  • MAS

    He’s probationary so civil service won’t consider it.

  • Steve2

    Did the black guys eat the watermelon though? I’m betting they did.

  • ICEvictim


  • ICEvictim

    I really am suffering negro fatigue.

  • grayjohn

    All stores should stop selling watermelons and only allow them to be distributed through local welfare offices so no one will be offended. If fact all Ethnic food and products should be banned from sale to prevent accidental racism or cultural appropriation. This should happen immediately.

  • BostonLiberty

    He should have brought in fried chicken, collard greens, and some biscuits to round out the feast.

  • damon

    and wash it down with some grape drink

  • MAS

    Perhaps a nice Moon Pie for desert…


    Notice: Any African Americans bringing crackers to any workplace must face this exact hysteria as “crackah” is a bigoted pejorative against all European Christian peoples.

    We must adapt to this insanity and begin claiming victimhood at every opportunity

  • Leonard Jones

    Let me make a prediction: The next offensive item will be fried chicken!

  • Jodie

    Or just Crack.

  • MAS

    Yo, you go gurl… 😉


    Lordie lordie! This wite boz shur is a dum azz. Ain’t he no that watermelon is a blak thing? Next he be bringin freyed chicken to work. Dum azz kracker!

  • nineleven

    there has to be more to this story…

  • rd1914

    The guy is a dumb a$$. Do you really want him as a fireman? At least save the watermelon joke for when you have been there for a few months and have made some friends. All this will do is cost the taxpayers more money as we paid for his training, now he will sue for wrongful termination, win some cash and probably go apply to be a cop.

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