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Jul 30 2013

Army Introduces New Unisex Combat Uniforms

The campaign in Afghanistan isn’t going so well, which isn’t surprising, considering the civilian leadership has provided no coherent objectives and the rules of engagement reduce US troops to Taliban target practice. But the much more important campaign to socially reengineer the Armed Forces is proceeding at a blitzkrieg pace:

A new combat uniform with special consideration to the female body is now available at Fort Gordon, almost a month after the Army announced plans to open all units and military jobs to women by 2016. …

Unlike the decades-old Army combat uniform, which comes in 36 sizes and was designed principally by men for men, the alternate clothing line was created to fit a broader range of body types, officials say.

The trousers feature wider areas at the hips, waist and backside; elastic around the waistband instead of pull string; adjusted pockets and knee-pad inserts; and a shortened rise in pants.

The next version, taking into account the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, may feature a buttoned flap in the back for easy anal access during romantic assignations in the field.

The new unisex model:

gay army uniform

Sorry, that’s not it. The new unisex model:

Optional, for now.

On tips from Artfldgr and Chris W.

21 Responses to “Army Introduces New Unisex Combat Uniforms”

  1. Ummah Gummah says:


    The uniform in the upper picture is better actually. It will cause the enemy to either die from laughter or from the convulsions caused by violently throwing up.


  2. The Noble Order of the Blue Falcon says:

    Bwahaha! That bronie fag picture made me laugh. It is sure to strike fear in the hearts of all enemies. The bestest military ever will be a part of the diversifuxated enrichtarded hopey changey improvementation comrades.

  3. IslandLifer says:

    My time in the Marine Corps is coming to an end. I could stay in the organization as long as I wish, but I feel there is no point. All the talented officers I know are resigning. We can’t bear to stay in and see what is happening. We are a social-experiment over and above the world’s premier war-fighting organization now. This is what America wants. This is what America has voted for twice.
    I- and people like me- look to get out and blend in with society at large. The consensus is that the time will come when America wants people like us again, but only after this new experimental drive has run its course. It will end how it has to end: in class war, race war, free men vs statists. Completely predictable. At that time, the blood and sweat and broken hearts pressed from America’s fighting men and women over a decade of counter-insurgency warfare will rise up and be our nation’s salvation.
    As always, please keep my identity secret. The system is no longer partial to my kind.

    Captain, USMC

  4. Whom says:

    Hmm, wondering how long until they change the camo pattern to rainbows n’ unicorns?

  5. Too much fuss. Not enough molehill. The military is redesigning its uniforms every couple of years. There is absolutely nothing bad about designing uniforms that fit the people who will be wearing them. The bad part is referring to them as “unisex” when there is no possibility a man will buy them other than by mistake.

  6. Creepy Ass Crakah says:

    Oh dear Gawd Dave… why did you have to burn my retinas with a picture of one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence???

    Eye Bleach stat!!

  7. Bo Jangles says:

    The first unisex model, is that the new uniform for the joint chiefs?

    I wonder what America’s reaction is going to be when those first real-time videos come back showing a young, pretty, and ho-so sensitive little girl being shot to pieces on the battlefield, blown apart by an IED, or worse, captured by Al-Qaeda?

  8. Xavier says:

    Doesn’t the military use those bad bad assault rifles with the shoulder things that go up? What kind of message does that send to our children? Shouldn’t something be done about that, like banning all military guns or at least using blanks? What about non-lethal weapons like those beanbag shooters police use? Shouldn’t the military have to follow the same self defense laws as U.S. citizens? Can’t the President revoke the military’s version of Stand Your Ground? Why can’t we all just get along?


  9. KHarn says:

    Just replace the European-style beret with an American-style baseball cap, that’s all I ask.

  10. MissAnthropy says:

    Let’s just hope the tampons are milspec.

  11. notPropertyOfTheState says:

    “The trousers feature wider areas at the hips, waist and backside”

    Comment about one of the possible names for this style being “XXL Getto Booty” deleted…. :-/

  12. Flu-Bird says:

    I would like to see some thug roba store in Florida wearing that stupid mask i would like to see them get blown away

  13. Alphamail says:


    I wore a baseball cap in little league, Babe Ruth, and college ball. And undercover with the LAPD S.O.S. squad. I wear baseball caps today.

    I was given an Acubra after an exciting dive with Aussie mates on the Great Barrier Reef, I inherited my grandpa’s Stetson, and I have a straw hat made for me by a family of Western Pacific islanders.

    Those are all very personal.

    The hat I wore for God and country however, was my green beret.

  14. Alphamail says:


    Semper Fi

    Someday we’ll meet. I’ll fly us around Haleakala and we’ll swoop on the nudies at McKenna (an otha special kine stuff). I used to teach on Maui and gave tours to other islands.

    We go makai, talk story wid Longboard Ale, and pray for small-keed time agin when we watch da wahine.

    God bless.

  15. Alphamail says:

    To Fiberal and DJ

    You shit on evangelical Christians and you promote atheism and evolution.

    Understanding that you were created and there IS a God, IS advanced evolution.

    Your thinking is closer to a primate than a developing human.

    The ability to evolve beyond reason – yet incorporate reason – and to assimilate the supernatural as grander, or even your maker, is to reach the next level.

    You are stuck on ground level, reading Darwin’s Theory, and you can’t figure out why you can’t get to the health food store on the mezzanine.

  16. Alphamail says:

    To all American cowards:

    Our women and girls are going to the front lines of battle because you and other lazy-ass men won’t serve our nation in the military.

    What kind of puke punk would have his wife or daughter fend off a household intruder while he hides in the closet?

    And so it is with our nation.

    A country of metro-sexualized, self-enamored, Fiberal faithless faggots, who let their girlfriend fight the bully while they go for ice cream.

  17. @ Alphamale,
    Lighten up Francis. Our military is twice as big as we can afford and three times bigger than we need. We don’t “NEED” women in the military any more than we NEED them to work at McDonalds. It is just a job, entered into for personal reasons. Free choice. And 90% of the military jobs will not need any sort of courage or combat skilz.

    More men aren’t joining the military because the country doesn’t need more men to join the military.

  18. Jodie says:

    Alphamail says:
    July 30, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    “To Fiberal and DJ

    You shit on evangelical Christians and you promote atheism and evolution.”

    Hi Alphamail,

    I prayed that SOMEONE would come to the rescue on the God v Darwin debate and here you are! Thank you!

    Fiberal likes to call me stupid, because I believe in the one true God of the Bible. The truth is, that I am not stupid, I have a Bachelor’s Degree and I maintained straight A’s almost all the way through school. One of the exceptions was the B+ that I received in Earth Science, because I refused to bow down to the Global Warming god and thus got a less than stellar grade on a paper.

    I’m not saying these things to brag – and I hope I don’t sound like I’m doing that – it’s just that I know God and I know what He has created. I’m here to tell others about it. They call me dumb and they insult God in the process.

    They want to prove their points by confusing people with so-called scientific data, but I can’t argue science with people who deny the Great Flood in their calculations and believe that all of the amazing things in life came about from an explosion of rocks. That is no explanation!

  19. KHarn says:

    “Alphamail says:July 30, 2013 at 10:21 pm”

    I wore a BLUE beret as an Air Force SP IN THE FIELD; we all thought that was stupid. My sister wore a GREEN BERET as a GIRL SCOUT.

  20. Weso Phuctup says:

    That camouflage is not fair, the freedom fighters can’t see them when they are ambushing American troops from behind their wives and kids. From now on, they must wear neon pink and a siren audible from 100 yards so they can’t sneak up behind the freedom fighter Al Quaeda.
    Also, the trousers need a flap in the back for easier raping by the freedom fighters.

  21. grayjohn says:

    Will the new milspec body bags be adjusted for the female body, and offered in pastels? They’re going to need lots and lots of them. Die young and leave a beautiful corpse, dressed in a politically correct, sexually adjusted uniform.

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