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Jul 15 2017

Attack of the Globally Warmed Polar Bears

It may exist to a barely perceptible extent, or it may not exist at all, yet everything bad can be blamed on anthropogenic global warming. It is said to oppress the cuddly polar bears by replacing their wasteland environment with places where plants can grow. Some have pointed out that not only are polar bears flourishing, but they are the farthest thing from cuddly, being the only species known to hunt human beings for food. Propagandists for the warmist cult respond that it is global warming that gives them a taste for human flesh. No really:

[A] paper, published this month, gets straight to the meat of the issue with its title: “Polar Bear Attacks on Humans: Implications of a Changing Climate.” …

The higher global temperatures go, the researchers said, the more likely polar bears are to interact with humans — and possibly attack and eat them.

Global warming melts the ice, so that bears cannot wait by breathing holes or sneak up to attack seals from behind the ice.

“But a bear’s still got to eat,” said Geoff York, with Polar Bears International, who is one of the study’s authors and has survived three encounters with aggressive polar bears. “They’re more likely to try new things, and sometimes, that might be us.”

As York should realize after his experiences, polar bears already eat people. That’s why only fools shed tears over them.

Yelps York:

“[R]esidents and managers are saying, ‘We’re encountering more bears. We’re encountering them at times of the year we’re not used to. We’re encountering them more frequently. We used to go camping all summer. We don’t do that anymore.’”

Maybe that is because the polar bear population is rising. Since global warming unfortunately cannot be counted on to resolve this serious problem, more hunting licenses should be issued. A bounty on polar bears would be helpful.

In the meantime, the concept of globally warmed polar bears with a taste for human flesh could work for a low-budget horror movie — like many of the cartoonish concepts warmists try to scare us with.

A scene from Attack of the Globally Warmed Polar Bears, Part VII.

On tips from KirklesWorth, Stormfax, and J.

6 Responses to “Attack of the Globally Warmed Polar Bears”

  1. Kevin R. says:

    Hey Democrats, the Arctic is the new Cuba! Check it out! Have fun! Don’t forget to write!

  2. Buffalobob says:

    The Polar bears are pissed because we are using up all of the ice to cool our drinks.

  3. Ron says:

    The Myth of Man-Made Global Warming dates back to pre-history and the days of ‘Ugock’, the ice-cave dweller!

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