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Feb 14 2017

Big Government Wastes Our Money Paying People to Eat Asparagus and Then Sniff Their Pee

The federal government confiscated $1,084,840,000,000 in tax revenues in the first 4 months of the fiscal year — and still managed to spend $156,940,000,000 more than it took in. This amazing feat was accomplished by wasting the money in ways that defy any normal person’s imagination. For example:

A taxpayer-funded study set [out] to find out if people can smell their own “asparagus pee.”

Researchers at Harvard on two active studies that received over $3 million last year surveyed nearly 7,000 people to determine if their urine smelled funny after eating the vegetable. The results were published in the BMJ scientific journal, which uses its final edition each year to publish articles that are “quirky, amusing, and creative—but all scientifically sound.”

“Quirky, amusing, and creative” is the federal approach to spending. But it may be more amusing for bureaucrats than for taxpayers.

The researchers found that most white Americans cannot detect the “rather malodorous bouquet” of asparagus pee. However, we can smell the malodorous bouquet of an overgrown government that arrogantly wastes our money.

Next they will mandate warning labels on asparagus.

On tips from Stormfax and Scott D.

13 Responses to “Big Government Wastes Our Money Paying People to Eat Asparagus and Then Sniff Their Pee”

  1. TED says:

    Just one more case of the LEFT figuring out a way to get paid to do something they love to do and do everyday anyway…

  2. Andrew Pearce says:

    Oh BS. Not that I go around sniffing, but the asparagus issue does come up conversationally every so often. I’ve never met anyone who says they can’t smell it. Many say it passes through them in as little as 10 or 15 minutes. And we’re all YTs.

    White asparagus, or the very first crop in the Spring, has less of the stinky stuff in it.

  3. Auburn Rapunzel says:

    They could save millions of dollars by assigning this as a middle-school science fair project. The kids would also have a lot of fun doing it, because at that age, bodily functions are high comedy.

    Now to move on to being concerned that Harvard considers a middle-school level research project to be worthy of dedicating their attention and helping it get a multi-million dollar grant.

  4. Auburn Rapunzel says:

    Well, people keep pointing out to leftists that their poop does, in fact, stink, so they want to see if they can claim that their blindness to it could be attributed to white privilege.

  5. TrojanMan says:

    “The federal government confiscated” I like to use the word theft/stole.

    Eliminate all entitlements. Abolish the 16th amendment and the IRS. Institute a national sales tax. Abolish the FED… oh the hell with it… there are too many things wrong with this government to list here.

    Libertarians like to use the phrase “Taxation is theft”. Income taxation is indeed theft. Taxing beyond what is required is indeed theft. Not all taxation is theft. There are Constitutionally required functions our government must do and that requires funding.

  6. Justin says:

    A follow up study will decipher how asparagus consumption affects enjoyment of golden showers. The study will be carried out at The Manhole Bar & Disco club.

  7. Ol' Uncle Lar says:

    “The researchers found that most white Americans cannot detect the “rather malodorous bouquet” of asparagus pee. ‘
    That’s because Our “white privilege” allows us to use toilets and not the nearest wall.

  8. Brian Brandt says:

    Rapunzel, you have hit the nail squarely on the head. Middle school is the perfect place for this. Recalling my own middle school years, the phrase, “You smelt it, you dealt it” comes to mind.

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  10. […] isn’t only the federal government that knows how to waste. Imagine explaining to someone from the past why Americans tolerate having money confiscated by […]

  11. rex freeway says:

    Asparagus makes Sperm taste funny. Not sure who came up with that or why. I’m sure it didnt cost 3 million to find out.

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