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Dec 22 2012

Caption Contest


Leave a comment providing the winning caption to the picture of our next Secretary of State above and win a free t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.

The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a US mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage (all shirts are currently at least 20% off).

Tip from Gary A.

145 Responses to “Caption Contest”

  1. varkswife says:

    “Not in the face! Not in the face! Not in the face!”

  2. YES WE CON! says:

    “I actually caught it, before I missed it.”

  3. Kerry demonstrates how Global Warming causes rogue footballs

  4. Steve442 says:

    Results of this will be analogous to the results of his coming eyes-closed foreign policy.

  5. Steve442 says:

    So that’s what happened to his face.

  6. Nate says:

    ‘It’s a fumble! FUMBLAYA! Johnny “Fumblina” Kerry fumbles the ball! ‘

    With apologies to Necessary Roughness (

  7. Dean says:

    “Not in the forehead! I just had it Botoxed!”

  8. Steve442 says:

    John Kerry reporting for duty.

  9. Ghost of FA Hayek says:

    Looks like Americans “dropped the ball” again.

  10. wingmann says:

    And then teresa,we were playing football…and I made this amazing catch with my face.

    “I’ll handle being secretary of the state as good as I handle this football”

  11. Jodie says:

    Damnit! Cut! There’s supposed to be a light behind me and I’m supposed to look like Obama with the globe. I’ll be back when you idiots are ready for the shot!

  12. DeafBoy says:

    Kerry wants only foreigner’s balls hitting him on the chin. Anything American disgusts him.

  13. oldguy says:

    This isn’t the football I was hoping for.

  14. Kangtong says:

    My plan is to carry on Hillary’s tradition at State and fumble whenever possible.

  15. Big Al says:

    John Kerry, Ready to handle the nuclear one.

  16. mtminer says:

    Will He drop the ball just like Hillary?

  17. Spartan24 says:

    Ooh! I catch like a girl.. How metrosexual of me!

  18. Xavier says:

    Purple Heart #4 coming right up.

  19. Spikehb says:

    Still a pussy.

  20. TonyD95B says:

    John Kerry Fumbles Again

  21. skullman says:

    Hey, if I get hurt, I can claim another Purple Heart.

  22. Ummah Gummah says:


    Secretary of State! I’ll show ’em how to spike a football!

    Ooooops.. damn.. oh well.. I hope Teresa made good reservations for tonight.


  23. Bob Roberts says:

    Too many great ones already. Unless I come up with something over the top I’m going to concede the winner already spoke.

  24. Bob Roberts says:

    This one was good but needed a bit of a tweak:

    Steve442 says: December 22, 2012 at 10:11 am
    So that’s what happened to his face.


    John Kerry demonstrates the fine points of how he tweaks his look to get ready for television appearances.

  25. Ummah Gummah says:


    Thank god – yeah I know he doesn’t really exist – I’m not running for president right now. This feels like a Dukakis in the tank kind of moment..



  26. Ummah Gummah says:


    Does he have to throw so hard?! I just got my nails done!


  27. Ummah Gummah says:


    I knew we should’ve done Badminton. I mean, why do this stupid pretend I like football thing when there aren’t any real Americans around?


  28. Alphamail says:

    To appease the Muslim Brotherhood John Kerry refrains from actually touching the pigskin.

  29. Jodie says:

    So, I missed…I’d like to see Sarah Palin catch a football!

  30. mostly cajun says:

    “Brining the same high skill level to international diplomacy”

  31. Ummah Gummah says:


    Ooohh, I know this looks really bad.. I can’t even catch the ball when Barry throws it..


  32. Ummah Gummah says:


    In an odd way, little Johnny was just like his cousin Pinocchio.. only his entire face grew ever longer every time he missed a pass..


  33. Ummah Gummah says:


    Damn that Teresa! I told her I wanted to go ice skating!


  34. Ummah Gummah says:


    OT: I just heard a news announcer pronounce kibbosh as “kyybosh”. I reckon it’s what happens when they read off a teleprompter without knowing the words on the copy.


    The news media.. they make fun of themselves every day.


  35. Paki Kebab Shack says:

    New draft pick at practice after signing with the Toledo Mudhens.

  36. MissAnthropy says:

    This is the guy who asked for the nuclear football in 2004.

  37. Brian_Boru says:

    Face to lace with a political football.

  38. gemalo says:

    Ho boy, I feel a concussion coming on!

  39. Ummah Gummah says:

    Paki Kebab Shack says:
    December 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm
    New draft pick at practice after signing with the Toledo Mudhens.

    I think he went to Yale or Harvard.. same diff though. LOL


  40. Ummah Gummah says:


    I wonder if Bill was really joking about putting Teresa in a blue dress while I am on the road.. focus, John.. FOCUS!


  41. Ummah Gummah says:


    I’d rather be windsurfing..


  42. Ummah Gummah says:


    Sorry if I am posting too many. This is just like a steady diet of hanging sliders. How can anyone resist?


  43. Sarah Palin says:

    Jodie says:
    December 22, 2012 at 12:01 pm
    So, I missed…I’d like to see Sarah Palin catch a football!

    Oh reeeally..?


  44. Ummah Gummah says:


    If only it wasn’t so damn hard to learn French! What ARE we still doing here?


  45. Ummah Gummah says:


    Heck. I’m not up for election. Never again! Who cares what Americans think?! I can drop balls and fumble all I want now.. Barry got back in and that’s that really matters.. no problemo! Who gives a sh*t!


  46. Ummah Gummah says:


    HAHAHAHA!! What’s a dropped ball compared to these dopes dropping their Nation, their future?

    Americans are such LOSERS! What a bunch of OAFS! They bought the whole thing hook, line and sinker – AGAIN!

    No way anyone can talk about me just dropping this ball… like, who cares?


  47. Tim Doolin says:

    Hanoi john takes one for the team ?

  48. Ed Borgnaes says:


    My Fourth Purple Heart…..

  49. Ummah Gummah says:


    Does she have to throw so hard?! Way to mess up my manicure!


  50. Ummah Gummah says:


    Does she have to throw so hard?! Way to mess up my manicure!


  51. Ummah Gummah says:


    Damn.. I only meant to post as Sarah Palin ONCE. My sincerest apologies to Sarah Palin and the Moonbattery staff and crowd.


  52. Sam Adams says:

    Dammit, Barack; not the nuclear football! You gotta hold it and run with it!

  53. Sam Adams says:

    Nobody said the tight end needed to catch anything.

  54. Sam Adams says:

    My shirt is going to get wrinkled.

  55. Sam Adams says:

    Dammit, Barack; it is bad enough that you pass like a girl. Why do I have to spoil my image, too?

  56. Jodie says:

    Oh that stings! Somebody get this thing off of me!

  57. Depwavid says:

    Kerry fumbles: today the football, tomorrow the world!

  58. Alborn says:

    Lord forgive me but I hate that man. Now for caption Is someone trying to football boat me?

  59. Ummah Gummah says:


    She did NOT load up that ball with ketchup AGAIN! ..I’m really getting sick of this.. but I’ll lose the yacht, everything.. if I rock the boat..


  60. Ummah Gummah says:


    This one is my personal PHOTO OF THE YEAR. Screw NatGeo and Time and all the rest of them.



  61. Michael says:

    Hillary – damn – is this a football or a hot potato?!?

  62. Maudie N Mandeville says:

    “Incoming!” Admiral Kerry recollects his successful POW rescue mission.

  63. rex freeway says:

    I hear everyone laughing. Just wait until i negotiate with Iran. They wont be laughing then.

  64. Bob says:

    Howie Carr’s Kerry Impersonation…

  65. DaletheNerd says:

    Hey, I called bankshot!

  66. Phil says:

    Benghazi hot potato, CATCH!

  67. Antisocialist says:

    The Unholy Handgrenade of Benghazi.

  68. Lucky13 says:

    Thinking like a Detroit Lions team member.

  69. Token Conservative says:

    Eeeeny eeeny oohna-wah! Oh no, not hamsters again for dinner!

  70. FrankW says:

    If you like this, you otta see what I can do with an airplane on a football field.

  71. Steve442 says:

    This will be represented in his autobiography as the pass he caught to win the Super Bowl.

  72. Mark Johnson says:

    This is not a caption. The appointment of John Kerry is proof positive that the Democrats despise close stove America and those who serve in the armed services. This is disdain incarnate.

  73. big-pete says:

    Team Obama tries a Hail Kerry pass.

  74. Dale Dawson says:

    Oh goody, I finally get to carry the nuclear football. Oh … it’s NOT?

  75. Jay says:

    I’m gonna be a great secretary of state. Look,,,, this is how I drop the ball before they even get it to me. Should be a handy skill when something like that Benghazi thing comes up.

  76. big-pete says:

    If I close my eyes and smile, this will all workout somehow…

  77. big-pete says:

    “With John Kerry America’s interests abroad are in very good hands.” – President Barack Obama

  78. Kraus says:

    “In a bizarre demonstration of his superhuman power, Mr. Kerry commands a football to levitate.”

  79. “Fumbles” Kerry has yet another Marsha Brady moment

  80. Mark says:

    Wasn’t there a similar picture of Monica Lewinsky.

  81. Mike T says:

    Monkey, meet football.

  82. Balls this close to my face, while pleasurable, make me close my eyes in anticipation!

  83. A Saucerful of Sucrets says:

    Rim shot and a drum roll for Ummah Gummah! Ahahah! Laughter is good comrades. Laugh or go crazy.

  84. mark runge says:

    normally i dont look this awkward touching anothers mans balls

  85. Brian says:

    Laces out, Dan!!!

  86. SNuss says:

    “Hanoi John” Kerry fumbles the football over the White House fence, just like his medals.

  87. Laurie says:

    Hot potato!

  88. Noelegy says:

    “I forgot my football bat!”

  89. ant says:

    Kerry displays a model while taking a lead role in AlGore’s new campaign, ‘Global prolate spheroidization’.

  90. ant says:

    More proof that Europeans are better with their feet than their hands.

  91. ant says:

    I understand he got a Purple Heart for this.

  92. ant says:

    John Kerry attacked by football…media collectively calls for ‘pigskin control’.

  93. ant says:

    Strangely, although Kerry yelled out, “Do you know who I am?!”…the football still hit him.

  94. A. Levy says:

    Forget the caption and take a close look. Has he had chin surgery to make it less pronounced?

  95. ant says:

    Kerry is attacked in Nantucket by football players after they view a 15-minute Youtube video promoting baseball.

  96. ant says:

    Kerry later gives Senate testimony calling the football a ‘rapist and baby-killer’.

  97. Elizabeth says:

    Secretary of State John Kerry: The manliest non-female in the Obama administration

  98. ant says:

    “If I’m not truly a warrior-of-the-working-class may it start raining footballs!”

  99. ant says:

    That Kerry and his magic tricks, he can not only make a ball appear to levitate, he can make a yacht disappear from the tax-man.

  100. fully automatic pez dispenser says:

    Hanoi Kerry dodges football thought it was a Vietnam vet throwing it.

  101. ant says:

    It’s not fair in this Country when a man’s secretary is better at sports than the boss.

  102. ant says:

    Kerry’s trying to hug it. He saw the rough-hewn skin and the stitches and though it was Pelosi come out to greet him.

  103. Ummah Gummah says:


    I might not have made the Pats, but I could’ve played on the jets anytime. Anytime, baby!


  104. Sam Adams says:


  105. Artskoe says:

    See Theresa? If I can catch this odd-looking ball, you can certainly wear a burka when we go to Egypt…

  106. Full Tilt says:

    The other New England media uber-darling with a super-rich wife who isn’t named Tom Brady.

  107. Aldebaran says:

    I was for catching it before I was against dropping it!

  108. Earl W says:

    If he’s lightly tackled after the catch he’ll undoubtedly write himself up for a purple heart just before calling his teammates baby-killers.

  109. Ummah Gummah says:


    Lemme see YOU catch a football after just getting off a plane piloted by a Kennedy!


  110. Ummah Gummah says:


    Eeeeeewww.. football.. how icky.. sheeesh.. I can’t stand it!


  111. unanimous says:

    ” INCOMING-G-G !!! – THIS ought to be worth ANOTHER Purple Heart !”

  112. WTSherman1864 says:

    I’m used to playing with two balls but one will do.

  113. TexasVetgal says:

    If this pigskin would have had HINES KETCHUP on it….I would have caught it with my mouth.

  114. Dadof3 says:

    Runner-up photo to the winning photo taken a split second later, titled: “Smash Mouth Footballer”

  115. Roy says:

    And this is how skillfully I will execute the office of Secretary of State.

  116. Rob says:

    Here we see Kerry preparing for his new post by taking balls to the chin.

  117. Constitutional Patriot says:

    Owww! Owww! Owww! Remember its a photo op! Remember its a photo op!

  118. Enabler says:

    You know, football, if you make the most of it, if you practice hard and you do your drills, and you make an effort to be good, uh, you, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck as the Secretary Of State.

  119. coal power says:

    Herman and Grandpa trying to Show Eddie how to toss a footbal in the backyard of 1313 Mockingbird lane

  120. IslandLifer says:


  121. Clem says:

    It’s OK. I’m used to balls bouncing off my chin.

  122. Shooter1001 says:

    If he could throw a football as well as he can throw unearned medals, he’d be another Johnny Unitas!

  123. Shooter1001 says:

    Ha ha! I got mine humping a dumpy widow!

  124. Shooter1001 says:

    Learn about futebol, futebol! Not American football, you French pouisse!!

  125. Douglas says:

    John Kerry Manquien named new wide reciver for New York Jets.

  126. Lgbpop says:

    Forget Air Jordan, I’m Air Kerry!

  127. trimdaddy says:

    Here’s John Kerry getting ready to take one on the chin for Obama…

  128. Shooter1001 says:

    WR ain’t your position Johnny, stick to BS!

  129. Shooter1001 says:

    You’re the new TE John. You’ll find out soon enough why Ms. Rice didn’t qualify.

  130. Shooter1001 says:

    Take a knee, John. Take two knees, John! Didn’t Hilary tell you?

  131. Shooter1001 says:

    On this team John, WRs wear a blue dress!

  132. Shooter1001 says:

    I’m the QB, John, you’re the Center. Now let’s go back in the locker room and practice!

  133. Shooter1001 says:

    OH I see, you’re a soccer man!

  134. Shooter1001 says:

    Tough playing disabled! Nam? Really, seven Purple Hearts? They run out of band aids?

  135. Shooter1001 says:

    Don’t tell your Muslim buddies you handle dead pigs.

  136. Shooter1001 says:

    Catching a football while taking a crap ain’t easy!

  137. Rich says:

    John Kerry: moonbat, commie, traitor, as Sec State – dropping the ball again!

  138. Guest says:

    … then the rocket went like this and I went like that and that’s how I received my Silver Star!

  139. Teacheru says:

    Horse face drops it like is Benghazi.

  140. HookLineandStinker says:

    “Reminds me of incoming. I served in Vietnam ya know.”

  141. formwiz says:

    I’m so happy to be here at Lambert Field. Now why doesn’t this soccer ball pass the global test?

  142. Miz Barkee says:

    Ouch! Viet Nam was never as dangerous as this!

  143. Valerie DePonto says:

    I always knew I was better and just like the Juice !

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