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Dec 29 2012

Caption Contest

david gregory high capacity magazine

Leave a comment providing the winning caption to the picture above and win a free t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.

The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a US mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage (all shirts are currently at least 20% off).

154 Responses to “Caption Contest”

  1. snuss says:

    If I shove this far enough up my ass, will bullets come out of my nose?

  2. Grunt says:

    “I can do this because rules only apply to the little people.”

  3. snuss says:

    Hello, I am a Liberal talking head, breaking the law on national television. But, since I am a member of the Lamestream Liberal media, nothing will happen to me.

  4. Alphamail says:

    NBC’s Magazine Salesman of the Year

  5. gemalo says:

    If I’m not mistaken, this is one of those 100 round assault shoulder things that go up.

  6. snuss says:

    By banning this one part, mass murders like Newtown will never happen again. The unicorn that poops out money for Liberal programs told me so.

  7. DanStlMo says:

    This is a weapon of mass destruction.

  8. Bad Barry says:

    High capacity magazine or a salad shooter, it’s all the same to me.

  9. Bob Roberts says:

    Oh I see snuss (first comment on thread) already had this basic idea… well here was my first though upon seeing this moonbat’s picture, before I read the comments, here:

    You have no idea how good it feels to shove one of these up your ass. Two at a time is even better.

  10. Bob Roberts says:

    Since my first idea was taken:

    I’m going to see if the Get Out of Jail Free card Obama gave me really works.

  11. Bad Barry says:

    Care to guess what body cavity I used to smuggle this into the studio?

  12. Eat Your Peas says:

    Alphamail wins it- imho

  13. d3l says:

    can these be modified to shoot condoms at the kindergarteners?

  14. modd kenwood says:

    This assures David Gregory of getting nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize

  15. Henry says:

    “If I put this in my mouth, will ObrownMao be jealous?”

  16. Junius says:

    Even though the shape is wrong, this fits nicely up my ass.

  17. Matt says:

    If I call it a clip, does that exempt it from magazine laws?

  18. “I’ll tell you this, it’s illegal to even hold one of these babies in your hand. Hey, wait!”

  19. JohnB says:

    Screw the cops! Dont you understand, this is for RATINGS!

  20. Contessa61 says:

    “These must be banned…unless we give them to the Mexican drug cartel.”

  21. t-dubyah-d says:

    I want this magazine on the cover of Newsweek magazine! What? Nevermind.

  22. Sam Adams says:

    OK, the cops told me not to show you this, but I work for a national TV network so it’s OK.

  23. Sam Adams says:

    Then if you tape two together, you can have effectively a 60 round magazine. 3M…you are next.

  24. Boston Pat says:

    My journalist tax subsidy is invalid if I don’t support banning these for sale to the public.

  25. Kevin R. says:

    That clip should have a little “I’m with stupid’ sticker on it pointing at Gregory.

  26. Ummah Gummah says:


    Got this from a coupla homies just down the street..


  27. “If I was a Black teenager, I’d be in jail right now.”

    *stolen from William Jacobson at Legal Insurrection.

  28. jp says:

    ‘My” kids don’t take apples to school for the teachers.

  29. Ummah Gummah says:


    Gerbil, meet Magazine!


  30. Ummah Gummah says:


    Oh God! I am feeling a tingle up my leg!


  31. bee says:

    Life Magazine

  32. Ummah Gummah says:


    Hey DCPD, I’m Da Dave.. yeah, THAT Dave, the one from NBC, that’s David Gregory to YOU, pals! I know you told me I can’t do this, but here I am.. IN YOUR FACE.. and what are you going to do about it?


  33. Buffalobob says:

    I can’t help if I drooled all over it, my slack jaw is a disability. How do you think I got this job.

  34. Ummah Gummah says:


    David Koresh and his followers were incinerated for less and HERE I AM, biatches!


  35. Zim says:

    “hey look what Eric Holder sent me”

  36. wth says:

    “I know all about this stuff, so pay attention Proles.”

  37. Ummah Gummah says:


    I got a little friend in the White House and you don’t! So who cares what the poh-lice tell me I can’t do!

    No way I’ll ever do time for this little stunt but the ratings.. oh boy.. the ratings..


    It’s a great country, isn’t it?


  38. kx59 says:

    It’s OK. I’m a journolist.

  39. Babagounj says:

    This is my lunch , I need more fiber in my diet

  40. WTH says:

    This is something that goes bang, bang, bang, I think
    I just know that its the NRA and Tea Partys fault and
    I hate Bush.

  41. Shooter1001 says:

    OK, which one of you guys stuck this up my ass while I was asleep?

  42. Shooter1001 says:

    A 30 round clip is illegal! Two 15 round clips are OK. Makes sense.

  43. Tony C. says:

    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

  44. Ummah Gummah says:


    I’m not a jihadist but I can play one on TV!


  45. Shooter1001 says:

    You got one purddy mouth, Davy. You gonna love prison.

  46. Ummah Gummah says:

    Tony C. says:
    December 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm
    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

    As if a journ0list would care about THAT.


  47. Tony C. says:

    Hey, aren’t these the cause of global warming?

  48. kate j says:

    I’ve got a Golden Ticket… to the DC pokey.

  49. Shooter1001 says:

    It fires suppositories, Davy.

  50. Enabler says:

    “Bullets this size should not be allowed on our streets.”

  51. Shooter1001 says:

    Bounce it off the desk a time or two. See if it works.

  52. Chris says:

    Today on Meet the Press…David Gregory plays “Cotton Mouth Joe” on his assault harmonica.

  53. big-pete says:

    I know I make it look easy but being this stupid takes lots of hard work.

  54. Shooter1001 says:

    I got this from Sen. John Kerry. He was in Viet Nam, you know.

  55. David says:

    Back off, bitches… I’m about to get all “fast and furious” on your asses!

  56. Sweep the leg says:

    Ok, Wayne, if you’re such an “expert”, answer me this. Did I fire six shots, or only 5?

  57. Sweep the leg says:

    Does anyone know if this thing has a safety?

  58. IslandLifer says:

    “I smuggled this up my arse just to show you how easy it is to get by security. Tomorrow I’ll bring the entire weapon attached “

  59. Logic_Mine says:

    Your honor, the DA would like to provide you with EXHIBIT “A” in our case against the defendant in posession of “ILLEGALLY” holding a high capacity magazine.

  60. Heltau says:

    This is just big enough for the female co-ancor to suck on.

  61. Alborn says:

    It would take eleven more of these for someone to be able to get in my buddy the pres and my kids school.

  62. chris says:

    Next week I plan on using a kilo of cocaine as a prop for my report on the drug war.

  63. Arty says:

    “This is my rifle, this is my gun. This 30 round thingy goes up my bum.”

  64. Conan says:

    “Say hello to my lil friend!”

  65. Shooter1001 says:

    A Sidwell Friends security guy asked me what this was. Those guys aren’t exactly ‘combat ready’.

  66. WTSherman1864 says:

    It is a tasty chocolate bar but why so big?

  67. Ron spins says:

    Senator Feinstein gave me this from her private arsenal.

  68. David says:

    Do as I say, not as I do.

  69. True Blue says:

    I don’t know what this is, or what it does; but I do not want You to be able to own one…

  70. True Blue says:

    See how dangerous this thing is? If I let it out of my hand, it would jump up and start killing people all by itself….

  71. Jodie says:

    He’s thinking: I can’t wait til Obama sees this! He’s gonna be so pleased! At least, I really, really, really hope so! Ohhhhh, Obama…sigh…

  72. Steve says:

    Guns are bad, mkay?

  73. Charlie says:

    “I just pulled this out of my ass, and honestly, officer, I don’t know how it got there.”

  74. True Blue says:

    How can we sleep at night knowing that the Serfs could own These? Why -in no time, they might start thinking that They run this country…

  75. WTH says:

    This dumb magazine does not have one picture in it.

  76. KHarn says:

    “Ya know I read it in a magazine… Oh! Oh! Be-Benny and the Jetssssss.”

  77. Alphamail says:

    Popular NRA magazine set to replace Newsweek’s last edition on Dec. 31, 2012!

  78. Jesse says:

    I’m better than you. js

  79. Bill T says:

    If I shove this up my ass I can spout four lies a second or a hundred a minute!

  80. Keith says:

    I used to like gerbils… But this is much nicer!

  81. chronos the wonder pig says:

    “Hello, I’m working my way through college selling magazines……”

  82. Joe says:

    Ha ha mine’s bigger than yours

  83. Doubting Rich says:

    “It fits well, but not only is it uncomfortable for my girlfriend, but it does not reliably prevent pregnancy”

  84. Dbm says:

    “Would you not agree nuclear devices such as this should be banned!”

  85. Dbm says:

    My wife told me to hold this up on my show and she said she would make sure I had sex tonight. She also said I should get used to saying Bubba in a sexy way? She is trying to make up after our fight last night.

  86. Dbm says:

    Sorry I’ve just been informed this is something used on a gun and not at all what I thought it was. Last time I try to buy sex toys at a Army surplus store.

  87. Aussie-John says:

    It’s ok, this one won’t work cause its bent…

  88. epb says:

    Before you shove this up my a$$, don’t forget my safe word is “Obama”.

  89. epb says:

    IT’s about this long and curves this way too.

  90. Devil Tongue says:

    …and this is ALL you need to have a hair part as bad as mine!

  91. Leonard Jones says:

    I may not know a magazine from a piss-pot, but being a
    liberal I am an authority on everything!

  92. mimi says:

    Howdy Doody with a clip!

  93. Mark says:

    “I have one of these between my bottom lip and gum.”

  94. beth says:

    “I have a helmet, and THIS is my shouldermapads!”

  95. Devil Tongue says:

    And if you order within the next 15 minutes, for a mere $220.00, we will enclose an extra hair seperator for FREE. Hurry, this offer is of a limited time and only available to the first twenty callers.

  96. Canis lupus says:

    Watch me tap this magazine on my head like the army guys in the movies.

  97. Infidel's Smarter Brother says:

    Maybe if I hold this in my soft delicate hands, it’ll make me look more masculine. I’m gettin laid tonight!

  98. elizabeth says:

    This is not my clip. It’s Rambo’s. What we have here is a case of mistaken identity. For the love of Gaia, don’t send me to prison!

  99. Hillman says:

    My ass…your magazine. Do me now you Bible clinging, gun loving ass packers.

  100. delicious kool-aid for comrades says:

    This 6000 round extra magazine suppressor brass catcher derringer clip makes your rod shoot faster!

  101. Bill Jones says:

    OK for me but not thee.

  102. Kenny says:

    Oh, this? It is NOT a magazine. I was told NOT to bring a magazine on the air. I am NOT even allowed to possess one in this town. This is part of my wife’s tampon dispenser!

  103. Kenny says:

    This is one of those “Glocks” that you have heard so much about.

  104. Bill T says:

    You know when the second amendment was written, they never envisioned things like this, it was intended for powder horns and lead balls.

  105. Darrell says:

    “Anyone possessing one of these is a potential killer. Except for me, of course. Everyone else cannot be trusted.”

  106. fred says:

    I have no clue what this is, but I hope the guards at my children’s school have them.

  107. Miz Barkee says:

    This is my ticket to becoming the star of many, many 24 hour news cycles! Take that, fiscal cliff!

  108. Joy says:

    These things are available everywhere. I bought this one on my way to the studio from a kid on the corner for three bucks.

  109. Agnostic Conservative says:

    This gun must be banned.

  110. ent says:

    “Don’t worry, my bodyguard has assured me that it’s legal to show one one of his high-capacity magazines on TV.”

  111. Max & Eric says:

    We`re going to insist on warning labels

  112. Max & Eric says:

    And this will be your one way ticket to a reeducation camp

  113. Max & Eric says:

    We will will shoot you on sight.

  114. Max & Eric says:

    there`s some guy in Indiana who wants to kick my ass, because I`m a Asslicking POS

  115. Mattius Maxumus says:

    “I can deepthroat this entire assualt clip.”

  116. Michael says:

    “This right here? This is our ticket to neutering those gun and bible clingers once and for all!”

  117. Xavier says:

    This is the AR-15 the government needs to ban.
    Unless you’re a Mexican drug lord.

  118. David says:

    Given the choice, every Founder would have rejected this and insisted on a musket. Trust me.

  119. Larry says:

    This thing? 30 rounds. My big mouth? 10 metric tons of Bullsh*t.

  120. depwavid says:

    Hoist by me own petard…

  121. dapenguin says:

    Now you ordinary citizens, do not try this at home. Only those of us above the law can possess these.

  122. dave says:

    Duh if I can make dis ting smaller din all derm people don’t get shoted no mo duh.

  123. jinks says:

    These magazines will hold 30 articles of right minded, constitutional propaganda.

  124. james says:

    I have seen Tiger Woods’ penis, and this magazine dwarfs in comparison to the length of the magnificent shaft that I so desire.

  125. BJ says:

    This is a banana clip. Bananas must be outlawed.

  126. Jodie says:

    This hur is a heat seeking missile. (wink) I got a nuther one in ma pants. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

  127. Shooter1001 says:

    Size matters!

  128. mimi says:

    moonbats gotta gun………!

  129. Sweep the leg says:

    One more word and I shoot!

  130. Sweep the leg says:

    …And, if I were to outfit this with a scope, imagine the mayhem I could cause from far away…

  131. Jodie says:

    Okay, I’m a little scared, but Obama promised that if I do this, he will come on my show next week. And, he promised to wear the same peach lipstick that I wear. Awesome! Besides, if Obama is for me, what can the cops do to me?

  132. Spacely's Sprockets says:

    Tony C. says:

    December 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Do you know how many of our servicemen and women were killed by the Taliban making IUD’s out of these?

    *** Hands down the funniest caption – Tony C wins!

  133. Max & Eric says:

    I learned this from watching porn

  134. wingmann says:

    I’m against these but am in favor of high capacity condom dispensers in school.

  135. libertea says:

    “Now I’m told that high capacity magazines like this are just lying around in dentist’s offices and barber shops all over the country, freely available to anyone.”

  136. Chris Paul says:

    “I bet I can put this whole thing in my mouth”.

  137. MPCpiano says:

    I simply flash this and Obama will magically appear on my show in two weeks.

  138. MPCpiano says:

    I simply flash this and Obama will magically appear on my show next week.

  139. Shooter1001 says:

    Nice manicure, Dave!

  140. Shooter1001 says:

    High School must have been hell, eh Dave?

  141. Cameraman says:

    “Damn CTD has these for $60.00, we have a Holiday special for our viewers Only $39.99..Brought to you by Liberals for Sandy Hook!

  142. Shooter1001 says:

    Steve Jobs himself gave me this! It’s the iPad6! With this I can rule Apple!

  143. Ghost of FA Hayek says:

    “Now I’m told that high capacity magazines like this are just lying around in dentist’s offices and barber shops all over the country, freely available to anyone.”
    No, but LOW capacity magazines sure are
    (Time, Newsweak, ect)

  144. Spikehb says:

    Now, I’m going to hide this and show you why the TSA needs to do body cavity searches.

  145. atticus90 says:

    Why am I under arrest? This doesn’t look dangerous. Oooops sorry Barack, did I screw up your position again?

  146. Spikehb says:

    The mere sight of this caused Hilary to faint causing her to suffer a concussion.

  147. Spikehb says:

    Just the act of inserting this into a Bushmaster caused me to have an orgasm.

  148. Brian_Boru says:

    And they make these black because gun owners are racist!!!

  149. Richard C. says:

    HA,,,,,,Mines bigger than yours!!!!

  150. WTSherman1864 says:

    Which part is the magazine? And where are the pages??

  151. Big Stupid says:

    “I’m honored to be the spokesperson for Pos-T-Vac now that they’ve introduced this new rectangular slim travel version for us extra-small men on-the-go.”

  152. icandothisallday says:

    Suddenly, a monkey appeared on the set, wielding a banana magazine.

  153. Shooter1001 says:

    Stroke this!

  154. […] weekend caption contest results are […]

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