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May 04 2013

Caption Contest


Leave a comment providing the winning caption to this classic picture of our “practically perfect vice president” and win a free t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.

The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a US mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L, blue XL, and white XL only, although other sizes can be purchased directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage.

On tips from Just TheTip and Varla.

172 Responses to “Caption Contest”

  1. Reluse says:

    “Damn! If I was a muzzie I could hang the bastard.”

  2. Sam Adams says:

    You want to remove your hand or pull back a bloody stump?

  3. Sam Adams says:

    Somebody on the back row look jealous.

  4. Sam Adams says:

    I’m sorry, Mr. Vice President. I guess us red-necked hicks aren’t as progressive as you and your boss.

  5. Hal says:

    VP Bidey: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

  6. Sam Adams says:

    Bubba…does it look like I am here for a good time?

    What the hell are you liberals thinking?

  7. Sam Adams says:

    What’s the problem, Joe? Fighting with the wife again? Or has she just lost the ability to tolerate morons?

  8. Jimdandy says:

    Get your @#(&$# Petticoat off my Junction, boy.

  9. gemalo says:

    He wants to ban guns? I think we need to ban morons.

  10. epb says:

    “Hi, I’m Joe Biden, and I’m a chubby chaser.”

  11. Jeepers says:

    Go away boy, you bother me.

  12. Willem says:

    What are you a queer? Get your hand off my knee.

  13. epb says:

    Let’s play Cops n Robbers… Squeeze me, Mr. Policeman, sir. Please handcuff me. I’ve been a very bad boy. …. Aren’t you going to arrest me, officer? Officer!, where you going? Come back!…

  14. -sepp says:

    You have about 3 seconds to get your dickbeater off of me.

  15. True Blue says:

    “Hey Sheriff; have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?”


    Sheriff; “I knew I shouldn’t have gone and seen a TSA training video with thus guy…”

  16. epb says:

    Biden: You’re a little old to be a Boy Scout!

  17. epb says:

    Biden: You’ll do in a pinch.

  18. Pico's Mexican Hairpiece says:

    Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Easy there human buttplug Biden.

    Joey Butt Plugs: Will you shoot 2 shotgun rounds off the balcony with me?

  19. epb says:

    Sheriff: Excuse, Mr. Vice President, but who the fuck do you think you are?

  20. epb says:

    So inappropriate. So disrespectful. So clueless. So Biden.

  21. Rowley says:

    We all voted against that in this state, boy.

  22. epb says:

    Clean. Articulate. No Indian accent. “Helloooo….

  23. Grunt says:

    Biden to Sheriff: “Show me what a real man feels like.”

  24. epb says:

    Sheriff: If it was anybody else, or if we were in a different venue I’d…

    Biden: *tut *tut I’m a Democrat, and the VP; haven’t you been paying attention: the law doesn’t apply to me.

  25. Nate says:

    Sheriff Joe always had a thing for men in uniform.

  26. marcus t. cicero says:


  27. Louis says:

    Will you be my Reggie Love? XOXO

  28. epb says:

    Jason Collins wannabe.

  29. Jane says:

    “Come up and see me sometime”, he says.

    “Mmm, I will, my little chickadee”, the sheriff replies.

    (Mae West and W C.Fields-adapted from “My Little Chickadee”

  30. born in 76 says:

    “There better be a doughnut in that hand Joe”

  31. TimK says:

    “Sheriff, the difference between a rifle and a gun…”

  32. Mary says:

    Not now Joe, people are watching!

  33. Jane says:

    Reminds me of Mooch putting her hand on Bubba’s knee…as she looks the other way, off into space, and he leans as far away from her as he can…(too bad no pictures on this site)

    Also reminds me of Biden and the biker babe…It’s a wonder he didn’t suffer a sudden pain on that one…I always wonder what happened to the babe after Biden and his bodyguards left.

    Apparently these clueless big shots think they are always welcome to invade anyone’s space, at will.

  34. Bluto says:

    Compassionate Joe shares a touching moment with a Boy Scout who has progeria.

  35. Zip says:

    Barry may go that way but I don’t son, move your hand.

  36. Jane says:

    Others try not to watch as Slo-Joe surreptiously slides his sweaty palm onto no-man’s-land

  37. dmgore says:

    Is that a double barrel?

  38. JoeK Loth says:

    “I’ll show ya my shotgun if ya show me yours first, wink,wink!!”

  39. facebkwallflower says:

    A fairy in a ‘no fairy zone’

  40. Scott Hall says:

    I’m glad you have a big gun, I can’t pass the background check

  41. StanInTexas says:

    Aw CRAP. Now I gotta kill this white boy!

  42. Ummah Gummah says:


    Don’t worry about the boss, he’s spending the weekend with Reggie.. let’s you and I get real comfortable after this is over..


  43. You know, my teeth come out. No scraping.

  44. You know I’m running in 2016. In a few years you can say that you have the President a Lewinsky.

  45. Restless says:

    That ain’t why I carry handcuffs.

  46. SandyS says:

    Biden with a smile – “I’m ready to squeal like a pig….”

  47. Linda Stewart says:

    Wanna take a spin in my kick-ass Trans Am?

  48. Strnj1 says:

    It was self defense…

  49. Jane says:

    Isn’t this a little sudden?

  50. Jane says:

    On the other hand, Joe, I think I’ll pass…

  51. Jane says:

    Did I tell you that I was a boy scout myself once?

  52. White_Polluter says:

    “I like you Sgt. Jimmy, but frankly, I prefer a stronger man.”

  53. Jane says:

    If I behave myself, will you give me a ride in your cruiser?

  54. Jane says:

    Would you like to be in my motorcade?

  55. Title of Liberty says:

    Biden: Mister, I love the way you wear that hat. And you play a mean banjo.
    Sheriff: Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.
    Biden: You don’t have to worry about that, Sheriff.
    Sheriff: Anybody know anything about the law?
    Biden: I was on a jury once.
    Sheriff: Talk about genetic deficiencies-isn’t that pitiful?

  56. An Upstart says:

    Just sit there and be cool Porky, Uncle Joe not so crazy. Smooth moves like this will do wonders for my 2016 progressive bona fides

  57. epb says:

    Biden: Can I get me a piece of that yum-yum, double-dip…

  58. Jeanine says:

    All eyes are on Joe …. how far will he go?

  59. epb says:

    WTF, r u drunk?

  60. Apostle53 says:

    I bet you got testicles like billiard balls!

    His likened comment to father of one of the dead operatives in Benghazi. What if Joe was a Republican he’d be finished by now?

  61. Douglas says:

    I thought the president was…

  62. Beth says:

    Get a shotgun…. get a shotgun!

  63. Jane says:

    Whaddaya say, Officer Dude, we do a little stakeout tonight?

  64. Vic Kelley says:

    Lawman thinks to himself, “He’s lucky the Secret Service made me unload my sidearm for this photo op.”

  65. Dave says:

    “Damn! Everywhere you go!”

  66. Jane says:

    I see a future for you out there, Sarge!

  67. R Daneel says:

    It’s my turn next week. First Gay V-P evah! Want to join me?

  68. Jane says:

    Only in America!

  69. Jane says:

    Happiness is a thing called Joe…..

  70. Cb says:

    I couldn’t make it to the bath house with Barry, so … How ya doin’ Sheriff?

  71. True Blue says:

    Sheriff; “Gentlemen, it looks like this here boy’s about to have himself an ‘accident’…”

  72. Ruby Soho says:

    Wanna play chicken with Uncle Joe?

  73. SNuss says:

    Take your hand off my knee, or I’ll feed you my nightstick.

  74. obozo1 says:

    Boy you got a purty mouth.

  75. IslandLifer says:

    Everything our government puts its hands on instantly becomes useless.

  76. Jason Engstrom says:

    “Do I LOOK like I play in the NBA?”

  77. George says:

    I know gay rights is the number one priority to you guys in the White House, But Buford don’t Play that Way!

  78. chester arthur says:

    The love scene in the ‘My Little Chickadee’ remake in the era of bath-house Barry.

  79. chester arthur says:

    Sheriff:’All in all,I’d rather be in Philadelphia.’

  80. Jane says:

    Hey Sarge, Howsabout we do a little “Huggin n Chalkin”….

  81. chester arthur says:

    ‘The look,the feel of cotton,the fabric of our lives..hey,wait a minute!’

  82. chester arthur says:

    Biden finally does something not stolen from Neil Kinnock,and makes the last bad choice of his life.

  83. Jane says:

    Say it ain’t so, Joe?

  84. czekmark says:

    Hands off, pervert!!

  85. chester arthur says:

    Ever since this incident,the Vice President has been missing.His friend,the sheriff,has no comment,but has been seen with a mysterious smile on his face;and carelessly displaying a ticket stub from a single one-way tourist class ticket to Benghazi.

  86. George says:

    “Mr.Vice President, I know gay rights are the number one priority to you guys in the White House, But Buford don’t Play that Way!”

  87. Ragnar Lothbrok says:

    Officer…There is a snake in my trousers.

  88. Tchhht!!! says:

    Hey Joe, can I borrow your shotgun?

  89. Scotty says:

    Take Your Stinkin’ Paws Off Me You Damn Dirty Ape!

  90. True Blue says:

    Joe Biden demonstrates that it isn’t just guns he wants to grab.

    Just before the photo was taken, Joe Biden was heard to whisper; “Hey sheriff, let me show you why they all call me Cool Hand Luke…”

  91. WTSherman1864 says:

    Shiiit, son! I don’t want your autygraph that bad!

  92. WTSherman1864 says:

    Son, you chose a real bad time to come outta that there closet! Now get them paws off my knee, fudge packer!

  93. rex freeway says:

    Your fart smells Muslim food and regret

  94. The first thing im gonna do is punch your mama in the mouth….Buford T. Justice

  95. brodougie says:

    Ed: Look, what is it that you require of us?

    Plugs Biden: What we, uh, “re-quire” is that you get your god-damn asses up in them woods.

  96. SR says:

    Get your filthy paw off my Glock, Joe!

  97. Conan says:

    Biden singing: “Let’s get together and feel alright…”

  98. lewis says:

    Joe: I had rather hear a fat boy fart than hear a pretty women sing any day sweetie sheriff!!

  99. SR says:

    I know you guys are for gay rights, but this good old boy don’t swing that way.

  100. Sim says:

    “Is that a gun or are you just glad to see me trooper ?”

  101. notPropertyOfTheState says:

    STRESS: Comes in many forms,,, it can be job related, it can involve personal relations, but in this case it is the forced suppression of the need to punch someone that needs punching……

  102. John Knoefler says:

    Touchy Feely just got real. How’s this for a thrill up your leg?

  103. bill says:

    Joey, I don’t carry a “big stick” like barack, you’ll have to go higher up!

  104. randy schrein er says:

    Ah my little chickadee move that hand or lose it

  105. Buffalobob says:

    I hear banjoes.

  106. Alphamail says:

    Stimulus Porkulous – reach out and entitle someone.

  107. Bob Roberts says:

    Doesn’t need captions, needs cartoon balloons:

    Joe Biden, thinking: HOT-DAMN, made it to first base!

    Fat Cop, thinking : What the… is this one of them homer-sexuals I been hearin’ about? He’d better move it if he doesn’t want to lose it!

    Probably some good lines for the two in the back, too.

  108. Odin's Ravens says:

    VP Bite Me: Jason Collins is my favorite player.

    Sargent Fester: WTF?

  109. where you goin city boy? says:

    Theme from Deliverance (Duelling Banjos) plays in the background. People in the back wonder where they have heard that tune before.

  110. John says:

    The sheriff is – WC Fields!

  111. Ummah Gummah says:


    “Did your son always have balls the size of cue balls?”


  112. Ummah Gummah says:


    In the meantime you have to dig around on foreign sites to find this sad and infuriating bit of news:

    5 soldiers killed by an IED and two murdered by an Afghan they were on patrol with.

    We all know they’re supposed to pretend that the Afghans are our “friends”, resulting in these sort of murders.

    Nothing but minor bumps in the road.. GOD, I HATE libs!!


  113. Xavier says:

    Hmmm these instructions Barry wrote down don’t seem to be working…

  114. Xavier says:

    A TV Guide review impels Beavis to act out a scene from Will and Grace at precisely the wrong time.

  115. Xavier says:

    Barry always throws the most fabulous cosplay parties!

  116. Xavier says:

    Slow Joe’s having his recurrent fantasy where he says, “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States…” and got his left and right hands confused again.

  117. Defensive Joey says:

    Well it’s his fault! He rolled up that paper and teased me with it!

  118. Alexis444 says:

    To say you’re skating on thin ice, Mr. Biden, would be an understatement.

  119. oldguy says:

    No comment necessary.

  120. Xavier says:

    Sheriff, I have here the President’s directive for all border patrol personnel to begin implementing his Same Sex Amnesty For Incoming Mexicrats Decree. You just put your hand on their leg like this and say, “Del otro lado? Bienvenida.”

  121. Xavier says:

    Even though he was the guest of honor at her Halloween party, Joey committed a major faux pas when he hit on Roseanne. Ellen and Portia (second row) can be seen expressing their disapproval.

  122. Clingtomyguns says:

    Biden – Sheriff, it’s your patriotic duty to let me put my hand here.

    Sheriff – Boy, you betta get cha hand offa my leg or I’m gonna barbeque your ass in molasses!

  123. Franco says:

    In the midst of his dementia-induced fog, Joe fancied himself sitting next to Chris Matthews

  124. epb says:

    Biden: Let’s play ‘Chicken’
    Sheriff in front: Great googly-moogly!…
    Sheriff in back: Oh no she didn’t!…
    Official: Hand check! Hand check!!

  125. epb says:

    Biden: Lets pretend I’m Clinton and you’re Monica.

  126. epb says:

    Take it like a man!

  127. epb says:

    Hiya big boy. Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

  128. la says:

    Say, you remember that scene from Deliverance….

  129. epb says:

    This ain’t a Kathy Griffin or a Lisa Lampinelli performance!

  130. Gary Benson says:

    Are you a fag or what?

  131. Moonbaba says:

    If looks could kill. If only looks could kill.

  132. Miz Barkee says:

    “Move that hand before I put an eff’n big deal on your head!”

  133. Moonbaba says:

    “Looking for love in all the wrong places.”

  134. junkyard infidel says:

    Damn, this dumb cracker thinks he’s still in San Francisco !

  135. Shooter1001 says:

    y’all best move yo han offa mah leg or I’ll stick a cattle prod so far up yo ass you’ll sound like Rick Perry

  136. Shooter1001 says:

    The grey haired liberal fag behind you grabbed your ass Joe, not me!

  137. Chris says:

    Clearly Biden misunderstood when the officer said he was out of touch

  138. Shooter1001 says:

    Easy does it Joe, rules down here say ‘you touch it you…

  139. Shooter1001 says:

    Pitcher or catcher?

  140. Jim says:

    When you said you wanted to grab guns, I thought you meant firearms!

  141. MNcon says:


  142. Lawrence Smith says:

    OOOO a white one ! want me to brown it up for ya ?

  143. chemtreter says:

    You fixin to lose that hand BOY!

  144. Alman says:

    Whoa! Better call the wife. Looks as though my dance card for tonight is full!

  145. Shooter1001 says:

    Hey Buford, just think of it as a car chase on the Hershey Highway.

  146. DaletheNerd says:

    Call me Pepe Le Bi-Bi. Let me put a Hedy Lamar wig on you and meet me at the Casbah donut emporium.

  147. TONY says:


  148. chronos the wonder pig says:

    “…you know, if your nervous about this we could double date with Barry & Jason Collins…”

  149. grayjohn says:

    Hey Sheriff, tell me how you feel about that Collins kid.

  150. Canis lupus says:


  151. Lepke says:

    Oh I never saw a white one that big !

  152. Gustavo says:

    You sure got a pretty mouth, sheriff.

  153. Bee says:

    “Oh I come from Alabama
    with a dipwad on my kneeeee”

  154. Fuckleberry Hinn says:

    I bet you have a big gun that is begging for some controlling.

  155. Dedwzyl says:

    Hey guy, can I fire off both your barrels?

  156. Dooley says:

    Yaddda mean, I’m “it”?

  157. GoinSane says:

    Officers upset after learning that due to budget cuts the only benefit they’ll receive for attending this function is a groping from a government official.

  158. GoinSane says:

    Officer: Mr. Vice-President, that’s not my knee.

    VP Biden: Oh, good, I thought I was having another stroke.

  159. jc14 says:

    Cop: “Best move that hand real quick, shit-for-brains, or I’ll stuff it up your ass (wait, he might like that); or I’ll cut if off and jam the stump in your mouth (wait, he might like that, too).
    “Ah, the hell with it . . .”

  160. coregis says:

    If you don’t move your hand now you’ll need more than what Obamacare offers….

  161. Johnicus says:

    Joe, you DO realize Im a man…right?…

  162. opiate-of-the-liv's says:

    Can’t you just go back to putting your foot in your mouth on camera?

  163. opiate-of-the-liv's says:

    Boy, my name is Sheriff Frank Barney, not Barney Frank.

  164. bigjoe says:

    “Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

  165. Contessa61 says:

    “Don’t worry pal, we won’t take your gun away.”

  166. Heatha says:

    So that explains it.That is why he picked you for VP.

  167. Determinatus says:

    “What we have here is a complete lack of respect for the Law…”

  168. Rich says:

    Mr. Vice President, we seem to have a failure of communication herrah.

    An’ if this sit-u-ation don’ change right quick, yew will soon see God.

  169. Ttommy says:

    Priceless! I almost hate to see him leave office. He’s a buffoon and totally irrelevant. Always good for a good laugh and too out of it to realize people are laughing at him, not with him. This picture reminds me of the look that biker gave him in the restaurant when his “old lady” was sitting on Biden’s lap. You know he was thinking “I’d clean your clock if your body guards weren’t around”.

  170. If you let me be a friend to you, I can get you money for matching pants.

  171. […] weekend caption contest results are […]

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