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Mar 13 2017

Lawyers Push to Establish Personhood Rights for Chimpanzees

One step at a time. Before we can grant full human rights to lobsters, the more mature barking moonbats realize that courts must come to accept personhood rights for chimpanzees:

On Thursday, [animal lawyer Steve] Wise — who founded the Nonhuman Rights Project on behalf of the great apes, cetaceans and elephants — will go before the appellate division of the Supreme Court of the State of New York in Manhattan and argue that two of his clients, chimpanzees Kiko and Tommy, should be afforded the rights of “personhood.” …

Wise is hoping to prove in the eyes of the court that chimpanzees and other great apes aren’t “things” but rather are autonomous beings that possess consciousness and deserve to live their lives to the fullest possible extent of that autonomy. …

Despite representing the primates for the better part of four years, checking on their condition is a frustrating subject for the staff at Nonhuman Rights Project.

“We see them as clients of ours, but we can’t get a jail house visit or help them exercise a Sixth Amendment right,” said Kevin Schneider, executive director of Nonhuman Right Project.

A Sixth Amendment right. Did I mention that we are talking about chimpanzees?

One of the chimpanzees is owned by a Florida farmer. The other lives at the Primate Sanctuary in Niagara Falls, New York.

Although Wise and Schneider said the chimpanzees aren’t being kept in ideal conditions, they’re not alleging their owners have done anything wrong. …

“We specifically say we are not alleging [the owners] have violated any local, state or federal law,” Wise said. “What we’re saying is those laws are grossly insufficient and [the chimpanzees] should have right to bodily liberty. We’re not trying to protect their welfare, we’re trying to protect rights.”

Cue up the sound of a cuckoo clock.

Wise said the only reason chimpanzees and other great apes are able to be kept in cages is because they are legally deemed “things.”

If Unwise gets his way, it will be bad news for scientists doing crucial medical research, and also for zoos. But it will be great news for chimpanzees, who will get the benefits of human rights without any of the responsibilities. The next time a chimpanzee goes berserk and rips its owner’s face off, as happened to Sandra Herold of Connecticut, the courts may have to let it go free on the grounds that it is not a “thing,” but also does not understand right and wrong.

Make way for a new privileged class.

On tips from Bodhisattva and Steve A.

30 Responses to “Lawyers Push to Establish Personhood Rights for Chimpanzees”

  1. Kevin Schneider says:

    The future is going to be tough for you to swallow, Moonbattery.

  2. Auburn Rapunzel says:

    Well, after all, leftists have rights under the Constitution. Why not the next best thing as well?

  3. The odds are approaching 100% that those advocates are pro-abortion.

  4. Silence Dogood says:

    but also does not understand right and wrong.

    I disagree, they DO understand right from wrong. You will NEVER see a chimp kill another chimp for something they have or for no reason. While they don’t understand morality the way we do, they do understand that they don’t kill for sport or to steal from one another.

  5. CRC60 says:

    Dave really? A chimp is not a monkey.

  6. Occam's Stubble says:

    One of the monkeys is owned by a Florida farmer. The other lives at the Primate Sanctuary in Niagara Falls, New York.

    After the lawyer frees them from their captivity, what next? Welfare benefits, of course.

  7. Dave Blount says:

    Whatever. I changed it.

  8. Ol' Uncle Lar says:

    I would be willing to consider “personhood” for chimps after they acknowledge the personhood of fetuses.

  9. Chris N says:

    The Chimp ripped off the owner’s friends face, Charla Nash.

  10. Jester says:

    Has anybody spotted the motivation for this? Anybody?

    Let Jester explain:

    Any animal that can be trained to put a square peg in a square hole or a round peg in a round hole can also be trained to vote Democrat.

    Think about it. Progressives have already had great success training less-than-intelligent humans to do it, why not animals? It’s not such a stretch.

  11. Momster says:

    Is there proof that they have taught anyone to put a round peg in a round hole or a square peg in a square hole.

    Most moonbats can’t even tell which sex they are!

  12. Momster says:

    Next stop voting rights for animals. Of course, only their PETA advocates can determine how the animals want to vote.

  13. Momster says:

    Next worse.

  14. Momster says:

    If such things are forced down our throats, we will puke them up…all over the moonbats.

  15. Mr. Freemarket says:

    When was the last time that an attorney was hired by a chimpanzee?

    “Wise said the only reason chimpanzees and other great apes are able to be kept in cages is because they are legally deemed “things.”

    No; they are kept in cages because they are dangerous. They are not, in any way, civilized. Kind of like some people being imported into our country.

  16. SNuss says:

    Granted, chimps are better-behaved than most Leftists, but they still are not human.

  17. Tchhht!!! says:

    I’ll let you be the one to test that theory.

  18. George Lortz says:

    ”The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,” was stated by Dick the Butcher in ”Henry VI,” Part II, act IV, Scene II, Line 73. Problem solved.

  19. geeknerd says:

    Will we be allowed to perform abortions on chimps, or will unborn chimps have personhood, too?

  20. bkhuna says:

    Sausage and Malaria will be so proud of their mom.

  21. FeatherBlade says:

    Hahahaha! Wow, you are an optimist.

  22. DoghouseRiley9 says:

    Can’t stop laughing.

  23. ICEvictim says:

    it all began when the leftards emptied the asylums back in the 70’s

  24. ICEvictim says:

    you are so wrong Silence. Chimps kill all the time. They have tribal wars of aggression for territory. They are even cannibals. All that is well documented.

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  26. Floridian says:

    Some lawyers are decent people. My brother, for instance. Now, as for liberals…

  27. […]  Lawyers Push to Establish Personhood Rights for Monkeys […]

  28. The Uhlan says:

    send them back to … yes, Africa.

  29. Abolitionist says:

    How about personhood rights for actual persons; unborn *human beings* who are known to be human persons. I might be inclined to take these lawyers seriously if they tried that before the chimps. First things first and one step at a time and all that.

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