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Sep 04 2013

The War on Water Vapor

Ecofascists are following their ideology to its natural conclusion. If carbon dioxide is a pollutant due to its role as a greenhouse gas as the Supreme Court insanely ruled, so is water vapor:

At a news conference in Washington today, President Obama announced that he is directing the Environmental Protection Agency to act immediately to enforce a new set of regulations to limit emissions of dihydrogen oxide gas, or water vapor, one of the primary causes of catastrophic anthropogenic climate change.

“The world faces a crisis,” the president intoned, “and America must lead. We have taken the first step by limiting carbon emissions, but that cannot be effective unless we deal with the larger menace posed by dihydrogen oxide pollution as well. Since Congress has failed in its duty to pass the required laws, I, as president, am directing the EPA to move unilaterally to issue and enforce appropriate regulations.”

The importance of dealing quickly with the dihydrogen oxide crisis was dramatically made clear by EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy, who showed charts comparing current atmospheric CO2 levels, at 400 parts per million, with those of water vapor, which are now greater than 10,000 parts per million. “And not only do dihydrogen oxide levels exceed CO2 more than twenty times over,” Ms. McCarthy said, “but each molecule of DHO has greater greenhousing effect. So we need to get control of this without delay.”

In answer to a reporter’s question, the president acknowledged that there may also be natural sources of atmospheric water vapor, but took a firm stand nevertheless. “Other nations may pollute, but that does not excuse us. Other sources may pollute, but that can not excuse us. Whatever other nations do, or natural processes may do, we must be responsible for our own actions. Every pound of dihydrogen oxide pollution is a blow to the climate. The science on this is settled, and we have no time to continue endlessly debating with flat Earthers who would deny the gravity of the crisis. The future of the planet is at stake.”

The president was given strong scientific support for the program by eminent NASA scientist Dr. James Hansen, the world’s leading expert on future climate. “The situation is even worse than most people can imagine,” Dr. Hansen said. “While anthropogenic dihydrogen oxide emissions will indeed warm the atmosphere, they will also increase precipitation. Therefore, at the same time that glaciers shrink due to melting, they will also grow rapidly as a result of increased snowfall. Thus we expect sea levels to both rise and fall simultaneously, flooding entire continents while leaving vital ports stranded high and dry, hundreds of miles from the ocean. As the polar glaciers grow, endangered species such as polar bears will be driven south in vast numbers, creating havoc in cities such as Toronto, St. Louis, Houston, and Mexico City. While some countermeasures have been suggested, once the Panama Canal freezes they will be unstoppable. Unfortunately, however, the warming/cooling process will not halt there. Rather it will self accelerate, with the final result being a superhot planet completely covered by ice. We have less than a year to stop this from happening. Afterwards, it will be too late. Anyone who stands in the way of immediate action should be indicted for crimes against the planet, and dealt with accordingly.”

Already we have seen global warming expeditions foiled by ice. Good thing the federal behemoth is taking decisive action:

According to Administrator McCarthy, initial EPA actions will include enforcement to stop dihydrogen oxide emissions from vehicles, ships, airplanes, homes, farms, industries, and other businesses. All such potential vapor emitting entities (PVEEs) will be required to equip their systems with EPA-approved condensers, thereby allowing their vapors to be gathered and returned to the federal government in liquid form for safe sequestration. Effective oversight will be guaranteed by the creation of a new Water Condensation Administration, which will deploy inspectors to assess compliance of all PVEEs on a monthly basis. In order to prevent PVEEs from “gaming the system,” McCarthy said, compliance standards will be contained in EPA/WCA interoffice memos, and not be made public. This procedure will provide the EPA with maximum discretion in pursuing prosecution or granting waivers to PVEEs, as advisable, to help encourage socially responsible conduct on the widest possible basis.

Wait a second, I don’t think this report is on the level. What excellent news! If this story is a joke, the global warming crisis must be a joke too. Now that we know it was all for laughs, maybe the government will stop using it to keep a boot on the neck of the economy.

On tips from Kevin in Auburn, WA.

25 Responses to “The War on Water Vapor”

  1. justme says:

    It is a joke for now.. As all other bad jokes and the Left in unopposed power, they soon become twisted realities.

  2. MrE says:

    Never, ever, trust anybody from Auburn, WA. AHS class of ’74.

  3. whotothewhat says:

    I kept checking to see if this was a Onion spoof it wasn’t,but a spoof never the less.

    It is hard to lampoon this admin, what is a laugh today will be made reality tomorrow with the wackadoodles we have running this country.

  4. Dr. 9 says:

    It’s pretty obvious the EnviroNazi’s plan to have us all living in caves again. It’s also obvious that the EPA is a bigger threat to our freedom and liberty than Al-Qaeda is. And yet, we sit here and tolerate it. Maybe they’re right about us.

  5. Mickey Shea says:

    How about regulating the hot air polluting the atmosphere every time these windbags open their trap?

  6. Flu-Bird says:

    The eco-nazis under the green swastika will now be regulationg suanas and steam baths EPA GO AWAY

  7. Flu-Bird says:

    Mickey Shea, That means using duct tape on AL GORE and GREEPEACE the #1 sources of HOT AIR

  8. SNuss says:

    That “report” reminds me of this:

  9. Phil Wilson says:

    DHMO is an old joke, but still a funny one. Many people (including environmental “activists”) have swallowed some form of this, hook line and sinker, over the years.

  10. Mr. Rational says:

    Folks, this is satire.  It’s a joke.  ANYTHING that mentions “dihydrogen monoxide” is a joke.

    I think Zubrin is testing the intelligence of his readers.  A whole lotta people failed.

  11. Kevin in Auburn says:


    I graduated from Kent Meridian twelve years after that. Never trust anyone from Kent, WA.

  12. Laurie says:


    “dihydrogen oxide pollution ”

    This just goes to show how stupid Hussein really is. Is he aware that 2/3 of the earth’s surface is covered with “dihydrogen oxide”??

    If Hussein is so concerned about it, then he’d better give up drinking water immediately.


  13. Flu-Bird says:

    You must wonder what kind of eco-crap their teaching kids in school these days

  14. MrE says:

    Small world, Kevin. After graduating, I lived in Kent, a block from Meridian Lake for 25 years, before meeting my wife online, marrying her and moving to the rural midwest where she was from. This area of central IL reminds me of Auburn and Kent in the 1960’s and 70’s. If not for the moonbats in Chicago, we’d be a red state. At least we finally got concealed carry passed. :^)

  15. Flu-Bird says:


  16. SNuss says:

    Re: “At least we finally got concealed carry passed. :^)”

    And Monday, we get to find out how many hoops we have to jump through (and how much it will cost us)in order to get a concealed-carry permit (If the State Police are on schedule).

  17. SNuss says:

    FYI, DHMO is the major component in acid rain. 😉

  18. SNuss says:

    I have an answer that will drive the enviro-wackos crazy. Just tell them that we can significantly reduce the amount of water vapor in the air by creating huge oil slicks on every body of water.

  19. Ummah Gummah says:


    Yaaaaaaawwwnnnn.. wake me up when the polar bears roam Mexico City. I am in need of some original entertainment.


  20. | says:

    Wow. They took this prank seriously…

  21. Tax Slave says:


  22. Flu-Bird says:

    Shooting barred owls to save the spotted owl so when the barred owl population gets small enough theyll be listed as ENDANGRED more reasons to repeal the ESA

  23. bjd says:

    Water vapor is much more of a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide. It actually does have specific heat capacity that’s about 5 times more than CO2.

    Won’t it be great when all these hydrogen fuel cell vehicles that emit water vapor are on the road? We’ll be on our way to global warming 5 times faster than before.

  24. Mr. Rational says:

    And every rainstorm removes a heaping boatload of greenhouse gas from the atmosphere…

    Oh, wait, it really does.

    You know, seeing that so many here take satire as fact and know nothing of science they presume to judge, I have to wonder if you’re not being played.

  25. grayjohn says:

    So all true environazis should prove their commitment and stop breathing.

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