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Jan 26 2018

California Moves to Criminalize Drinking Straws

It isn’t mandatory for waiters to offer a straw with your drink in California, so as you might expect, it will soon be forbidden:

[Ian] Calderon, the Democratic majority leader in California’s lower house, has introduced a bill to stop sit-down restaurants from offering customers straws with their beverages unless they specifically request one. Under Calderon’s law, a waiter who serves a drink with an unrequested straw in it would face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

Like so many other harmless aspects of our lives, straws have been denounced by progressives as offensive to the planet.

Wacky and tyrannical as Calderon may be, he isn’t alone:

The California cities of San Luis Obispo and Davis both passed straws-on-request laws last year, and Manhattan Beach maintains a prohibition on all disposable plastics. And up in Seattle, food service businesses won’t be allowed to offer plastic straws or utensils as of July.

Straws are also a threat to public health:

The Los Angeles Times has gotten behind the movement, endorsing straws-on-request policies in an editorial that also warned that “repetitive sucking may cause or exacerbate wrinkles on the lips or around the mouth.”

Increasingly socialized healthcare costs mean it is everyone’s business if individuals risk getting wrinkles from using straws.

Propagandists who want us to get hysterical about the threat posed by straws (e.g., CNN, San Francisco Chronical) screech that Americans use half a billion of them per day. A boy named Milo Crest came up with this figure for his Be Straw Free campaign when he was 9 years old, and it went viral.

How will we drink our drinks without straws?

Squishy moderates on the straw issue have pushed paper straws, which come compostable at only eight times the price. Eco-Cycle skews a bit more radical, with their “Be Straw Free” campaign—sponsored in part by reusable straw makers—that urges the adoption of glass or steel straws. Because we all know how good steel smelting is for the environment.

Never mind the environment. The issue is never the issue. The issue is always liberal weenies dictating each picayune aspect of everyone’s existence.

Young Milo, now 16, offers some insight:

“If people are forced not to use straws, then they won’t necessarily see that it’s for the environment,” he tells Reason. “They’ll just think it’s just another inconvenience imposed on them by government.”

Who knows? Maybe this will be the last straw that finally gets people pushing back against tyrannical enviromoonbattery.

On tips from J, Chronos Z. Wonderpig, KirklesWorth, Stormfax, Artfldr, and TCS III.



36 Responses to “California Moves to Criminalize Drinking Straws”

  1. TrojanMan says:

    “a waiter who serves a drink with an unrequested straw in it would face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.” I would like to think that reasonable people would laugh at this then get angry that someone has the balls to even suggest this as a law, but its CA so it will probably become law.

    “Maybe this will be the last straw that finally gets people pushing back against tyrannical enviromoonbattery, even in California.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, if Oblowmescare didnt get people to fight back this wont.

  2. hoagie111 says:

    This idiot kid would make a great democrat presidential candidate.

  3. FromNJ says:

    PRIORITIES, California.

  4. Occam's Stubble says:

    Increasingly socialized healthcare costs mean it is everyone’s business if individuals risk getting wrinkles from using straws.

    To me, straws are only for if you’re worried about spillage. So you give them to little kids and use them in the car.

    Most adults I know who use straws do so because they do not want to put their mouth on something that was recently in someone else’s mouth and may not have been washed properly. I wonder how those people are going to react once the inevitable ban happens.

  5. The Uhlan says:

    I will demand 10 straws.

  6. Frank says:

    Offended diner: Officer! That waitress over there brought me a straw without my requesting one!
    Cop: Is that the straw?
    Offended diner: Yeah, here it is.
    Cop: Don’t touch it! I have to get CSI to lift her prints!
    Offended diner: That waitress is escaping into the kitchen! She might be getting more straws! Do something, for God’s sake!
    Cop: Stop-or-I’ll-shoot! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    Offended diner: Thanks! I feel so much better now!
    Cop: Just doin’ my job, Sir.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9d06a492c57a1874ad73d495b93be51c41eb00f4822d8b1cb26348f0fd1f7903.jpg

  7. Silence Dogood says:

    Once again the Dimocrats show their proclivity to control us using brute force. These people need to learn a very hard lesson of what Freedom means. Mayhaps catching them, putting them in cuffs chained to a chair in a basement for a week or so?

  8. Silence Dogood says:

    Many people use straws to due sensitivity to cold on their teeth. With the destruction of our food supply we aren’t getting the proper vitamins and minerals for our teeth to even attempt to rebuild. Yes, given the correct vitamins, minerals and proper cooking and eating, our bodies will rebuild much of itself down to the cellular levels.

  9. Frank says:

    Would someone kindly forward the third map to North Korea’s Beloved Leader One Hung Low with a suggestion that we won’t retaliate for any damage he inflicts on blue areas?

  10. Frank says:

    ARGH!!! PLANET MURDERER!!!

  11. JeffersonSpinningInGrave says:

    True. Though not in California. I don’t know what would it will take there. Debt is sky high. Poverty is out of control. The schools suck. Business is fleeing the state. Skilled workers and professionals are fleeing the state. The leaders keep doubling down on the policies that are destroying the state, and the voters keep sending them to Sacramento. There are actual, no joke, 3rd world shanty towns springing up in or near major cities. And though I have no hard info on this, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if those in the shanty towns who vote, vote Democrat.

  12. THOUGHTCRIMINAL2084 says:

    “repetitive sucking may cause or exacerbate wrinkles on the lips or around the mouth.” From the same people who celebrate homosexual perversion and smoking narcotics as a “right” now worry about “wrinkles” from straws.

  13. MrRightWingDave says:

    Sucking IS a priority in California.

  14. OldSailor says:

    OMG! California has finally taken that last step … the one Wiley Coyote is famous for.

  15. Mr. Freemarket says:

    Straws Suck!!!

  16. TrojanMan says:

    Oh you mean fight back at the ballot box by electing red crooks instead of blue crooks. I had a different idea about fighting back.

  17. Angel says:

    So it’s perfectly legal in CA for a waiter to intentionally give you the AIDS virus, but will face jail time for giving you a straw. Calling it the land of nuts and flakes doesn’t do CA justice.

  18. Andrew Pearce says:

    I can’t wait to see how this plays in super liberal New York City, where absolutely no one will drink anything from the bottle, can, or a glass ever, other than booze. Because germs. And to avoid messing up their $85 lipstick.

  19. Occam's Stubble says:

    California has that “general primary” system which usually results in two Democrats running for the same office. Until that goes away, that state is lost.

  20. Occam's Stubble says:

    That’s the problem with incremental tyranny. One thing is never enough. The frog simply isn’t concerned that the water got one degree hotter.

  21. Richard Daniels says:

    Eye bleach, now!
    Add a shot of Jim Beam, I have to try and wipe that memory.

  22. Alisa says:

    Instead of chaining them to a chair in a basement how about we pack them chair & all & ship them to North Korea? I’m sure they’ll just love their new country. They won’t have to worry about those pesky straws causing lip wrinkles or anything else by the time they’re whipped into shape in one of North Korea’s Prison Camps, or would the name be Hard Labor Camps?? Either way its what these Left-wing Nutjob, Libtard Loony’s deserve!!!!!

  23. Frank says:

    They’re worried about repetitive sucking on a STRAW causing or exacerbating wrinkles on the lips or around the mouth. I wonder why sucking on things San Fran-sickos are famous for sucking on doesn’t concern anyone. More libtard situational ethincs?

  24. Tiger says:

    OK now without hesitation we know they are insane and please get out of the Union, build a wall and leave us.

  25. FriendOfJohnnyM says:

    I’ve HAD IT with G.D. California loony Liberals!

    THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!

  26. […] progressives attack the peripheral accessories of civilization, such as drinking straws. Other times, they go for the foundations, like marriage — and […]

  27. damon says:

    Don’t you dare bring your own straw to the restaurants either

  28. grayjohn says:

    Here’s hoping that the secession of New California is successful, and Old California can be quarantined from the rest of America. Isolated and cut off where it belongs.

  29. ICEvictim says:

    “repetitive sucking may cause or exacerbate wrinkles on the lips or around the mouth.”

    ROFLMAO! the jokes around that statement just write themselves.

  30. Geraldine says:

    Gℴℴgle is giving to people of every age $99 per hour to do easy tasks on the computer .. Work for just few peroid of time in a day & spend greater time with your family … Anyone can have this limited offer…last Wednesday I got a brand new Saab 99 Turbo after I been making $17523 this four weeks .it’s actually the coolest job but you could not forgive yourself if you do not test it.!ve87q:=>>=>> http://GoogleCashToolsJournalsJobsReport1/easy/jobs ♥♥g♥♥♥u♥♥♥r♥♥z♥♥♥b♥x♥♥k♥a♥♥♥g♥x♥♥♥t♥♥♥f♥j♥u♥♥♥e♥♥s♥♥♥c♥y♥c♥♥♥b♥♥m♥♥n♥♥k♥♥♥m♥f:::::!vw65m:chgwj

  31. lgeubank says:

    They’re grasping at straws in their effort to find something to condemn.

  32. CG59 says:

    But, but, I’m needin’ it to snort ma blow!

  33. Momster says:

    Let’s see. Plastic straws kill the environment and must be banned…and all those bringing plastic straws to the community must be jailed. But bringing disease-ridden, murderous, resource-sucking foreigners into the community illegally are to be lauded. Mmmm-okay.


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