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Oct 27 2012

Caption Contest

This one has been around for awhile, but lately it seems more relevant than ever:


Leave a comment providing the winning caption to the picture above and win a free t-shirt, suitable for any formal occasion, courtesy of the esteemed countermoonbats at Party Crasher.

The winner will be announced Monday. Free shirts need to be claimed within a week (i.e., I need a mailing address). T-shirts for the contest are available in blue L or XL only, although white shirts and other sizes are available directly from Party Crasher, along with an excellent selection of other t-shirts guaranteed to cause moonbats to sputter with impotent rage (all shirts are currently at least 20% off).

On a tip from Gary A.

166 Responses to “Caption Contest”

  1. Jypsea Rose says:

    Remove your hand, sir, and I will let you live.

  2. mark says:

    Get your hands off of me, sir.

  3. I think he’s coming on to me…

  4. Bill says:

    Hell. That’s the hand he wipes his bum with.

  5. wingmann says:

    Don’t worry corpse-men…when I get that 3am phone,ahh,er I got yer back.

    Corpsman: Is this metrosexual-manchild really my commander-in-chief?

  6. Tchhht!!! says:

    Thay tholdier, how about meeting me in the bath houth later?

  7. Logic_Mine says:

    Soldier: “If you don’t remove your hand from my shoulder…….I will remove your hand from yours.”

    Obama: “I just want you to know that when I send you into battle and you need air support, that I’ll be blaming your untimely death on some crappy movie.”

  8. rex freeway says:

    Get your hand off me you damned dirty ape!

  9. Logic_Mine says:

    Say Wingmann,

    How should I read that “Corpsman” or “Corpseman” ?

    And he went to college ./sarc my ASS he did.

  10. chuck in st paul says:

    Would YOU like to be my Reggie Love?

  11. Shooter1001 says:

    Hi soldier wanna go in the toilet?

  12. SovietPineCone says:

    “What is that green fluid coming out of his shirt sleeve?”


    “aww damn. I just washed this uniform.”

  13. Shooter1001 says:

    Take your hand off me you mutt. Or I’ll demonstrate the last bayonet in the US Army.

  14. Shooter1001 says:

    You put a booger on my uniform! This low rent POS wiped his finger on my uniform.

  15. Political Armor says:

    Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty Democrat!

  16. Shooter1001 says:

    I’m not your friend! I don’t want to be your friend! Loser!

  17. Shooter1001 says:

    Were you in the 82nd Airborne?

  18. Jodie says:

    Hey soldier. Biden tells me you got balls the size of Toledo!

  19. Tchhht!!! says:

    “Uh, uh, are you in the Brown Bayonet Brigade soldier?”

  20. Smaj says:

    Bathhouse Barry: “Mmm, perhaps you’d like to provide a certain service to your commander-in-chief.”

    Soldier: “Get your filthy goat-smelling mitts off me.”

  21. Henry says:

    “You like that ring, corpse-man? Repeat after me: ‘Ash-hadu an la ilaha ill Allah. Wa ash-hadu ana Muhammad ar-rasullallah.’

  22. TrickleUpPolitics says:

    Obama: “I just want you to know that when I send you into battle and you need air support, that I’ll be blaming your untimely death on some crappy movie.”

    Logicmine, that’s my favorite.

    The soldier replies: If you don’t want to pull back a stump, remove your hand ASAP, SIR.

  23. Tim says:

    Your sacrifice will not be honored son, now go out there and get me a Sunday morning bullet point

  24. Restless says:

    I respect you, Sir, about as much as you respect me.

  25. big-pete says:

    That “bump in the road” comment wasn’t directed at you folks…you can trust me.

  26. Artfldgr says:

    Holder said the Vulcan death grip would work…

  27. Artfldgr says:

    Stand a bit to your left your blocking my light

  28. Alborn says:

    Oh my god. Cooties! Get it off.

  29. Gunny G says:

    Obama: “I loves me a man in uniform. You should see Reggie Love in his Russian solider uniform.”

  30. Anon-Y-Mouse says:

    “A long campaign…on the road for weeks…play ball and I can get you a discount coupon for the PX.”

  31. Tchhht!!! says:

    Oh Lord, now that he has evolved I suppose he thinks I am a member of the Brown Bayonet Brigade.

  32. tj says:

    don’t forget I told the American people you are responsible for your medical bills, BTW thanks for nothing

  33. Mr. X. says:

    “Reggie, you’ve been up north.”

  34. Bad Barry says:

    OK now I will show you a bad touch. See if you can tell the difference.

  35. Backbone 76 says:

    We learned today that President Obama, seen here smearing moonbat guano on the shoulder of a brave serviceman, never learned how to wipe his own ass properly.

  36. Hussien Fails says:

    I despise you and every person in uniform……..wait a minute did say that out loud???

  37. Artfldgr says:

    its because of little people like you that i suffer this job

  38. Backbone76 says:

    Buck up, soldier! Your absentee ballot is on its way…

  39. gemalo says:

    Take that damn hand off me, or you’ll be going back to Chicago in a body bag.

  40. Thos says:

    Get that dick skinner of my uniform.

  41. Canis lupus says:

    Out of all the applicants to the position you are applying, you are the best qualified. Very impressive training and disciplinary record.

    You dont get the job.

  42. Restless says:

    Keep it there one more second, and you won’t be writing left-handed anymore.

  43. modd kenwood says:

    Sir,I will not kiss the ring

  44. Louie says:

    Soldier’s thought bubble: “I could waste this faggot in three moves.”

  45. Louie says:

    Soldier’s thought bubble: “I miss George W. Now there was a real Commander in Chief, not a pussy like this guy.”

  46. Backbone 76 says:

    Hmmmm….smells like……Candy Crowley…

  47. Marko says:

    -It still hurts in the places where he touched me.

    -Thank you sir – may I have another?

    -When Bill first approached Monica

    -If I were a man and you were my lady

  48. Bill Jones says:

    Get that Allah ring off my shoulder or I’ll break your face.

  49. Davis says:

    Sounds like we’re bot going to be mustering out soon. Tell me have you ever been to a bath house in Chicago?

  50. Jodie says:

    Did I tell you I killed Bin Laden? George Bush didn’t do it. I did it! Bush said he was just some guy in a cave. I killed him! I did it! I saved the world from Bin Laden!

  51. Tom says:

    Obama- Yeah, I’m gutting the military. But, it’s for the greater good.

  52. bill says:

    ain’t this some shit,this joker’s got his nails polished and his hands are softer than my ol ladys

  53. Ummah Gummah says:


    Day-yum… he tasty.. I gotsta be careful.. this ain’t the wild Chicago Days no more..


  54. Dr Dave says:

    “I got your back son…..until I throw you under the bus”

  55. Ummah Gummah says:


    Is that really dandruff on his shoulder.. or could it be.. a LINE.. let me discreetly swipe that and step off to the little boys’ room for testing..


  56. ENCTARHEEL says:

    Get your shit diggers off my shoulder

  57. Jodie says:

    And when I exhale, opiates come out of my mouth. That’s how I get the people on my side. Hey, don’t turn your head!

  58. Scott Drummond says:

    “Barack, let me enlighten you to the fact that last time I saw a Muslim ring like that, as close to me as you are, I gutted THAT raghead with my bayonet, which apparently YOU don’t think we use anymore. If you care to see mine, then keep yer girly man hand right there, you traitor!”

  59. russ says:

    Actually, Its the other shoulder that needs healed oh chosen one!

  60. Ted says:

    Is that blood on those hands?

  61. Alxandro says:

    “Aye Caramba Señor Presidente, dees feenger smells like wookee.”

  62. jeff says:

    Get your F***ing hand off of me, or I’ll rip it off and beat you to death with it!

  63. Michael says:

    O: I bless you my son, in the name of Me
    Soldier: @!#$ $#@! $#!%^&* $#@ing %$**))%$#! mother$#@%&*(( cut off!

  64. CGW409 says:

    If only it was January 21 2013 I could tell this Marxist POS what I really think.

  65. Atticus 90 says:

    Of all the times not to have my bayonet with me, it has to be when he’s hitting on me.

  66. Contessa61 says:

    If you get in the way of my re-election, you’ll be expendable.

  67. Bloodless Coup says:

    I can’t believe this Pole Smoker is feeling me up with the same hand that has his “There is no God Except Allah” wedding band on it.

  68. Ed Bernat says:

    Detach your hand from me,before I detach it from your body.

  69. Bill T says:

    Sargent if you’re ever in a bind and time is of the essence, I’d have to sleep on it before I could ever make a gutsy call!

  70. IslandLifer says:

    Nooooooo! He touched me with the dead fish!

  71. Alphamail says:

    1) “That’s a tender shoul…I mean, that’s a manly shoulder you got there son…”

    2) “…but the green was sloped, that damn red phone was ringing, and it was raining like hell…no wonder the 3-putt, right…and then just when…wait…am I boring you…?”

    3) “I don’t feel a bra strap corporal…don’t you like my new policy?”

    4) Obama reassures the soldier that he is doing everything he can to fight STD’s, when a nearby adviser reminds him its PTSD.

    5) “I’m sorry private – don’t be embarrassed – I didn’t actually MEAN to call you honey.”

  72. trumain says:

    By the stench! There is no way of telling the vile places that hand has been.

  73. T. R. Ollberg says:

    O/T, here’s a little Moonbattery for you: Meth-head breaks into 90 year old man’s house, shoots 90 year old man in the jaw, tries to execute 90 year old man but out of bullets, and then SUES the 90 year old man because the meth-head lost his job and his marriage after the break-in.

    Welcome to liberal loony land. (Marin Independent Journal –

  74. Take your paws off me you damned filthy ape!!!

  75. Logic_Mine says:

    SMUGNESS: Because nothing says ‘I am superior to everyone.’ like a condescending ruling hand on someone’s shoulder.

  76. Jodie says:

    Son…be assured…that I will not rest…until we hold accountable…the guy who made that video.

  77. Drury says:

    “Don’t touch, don’t tell!”

  78. BrainMatter says:

    “So how’s those rules of engagement I put in place working out?”

  79. BrainMatter says:

    “That Vulcan nerve pinch works really well, Spock does it all the time on Star Trek.”

  80. DTS says:

    2 more seconds and you’re going to draw back a nub.

  81. Fred C. Dobbs says:

    “Dammit… and I just washed this uniform….”

  82. geoada says:

    Remove that thing from my shoulder or Michelle is going to be opening your ketchup bottle from now on!

  83. T. R. Ollberg says:

    Your fingers stink.

  84. AuntieB says:

    Do you have balls as big as a cue ball???

  85. Dooley says:

    Mr. President, you may NOT wipe off your hand the blood of your foreign policies on this uniform, sir.

  86. SandyS says:

    Sir, the Oath I took doesn’t include that…..

  87. Mark says:

    Get your hand off of me or I’ll cut it off with my bayonet

  88. FrankW says:

    Don’t he know I have killed for less than that.

  89. FrankW says:

    For actions above and beyond the call of duty, this gentleman was also honored with the medal for courageous restraint (for not giving bammy a beatdown).

  90. Michael says:

    Take your hands off me, and do it NOW!
    Or I will show you how WE TOOK down Bin Ladden

  91. coldwarrior57 says:

    What hospital do you want me to send the get well card to?

  92. Ghost of FA Hayek says:

    “A bronze star, huh ?”
    But did I tell you I got Osama ?

  93. Doug says:

    “Son, have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

  94. Doug says:

    “Tell me corpse man, do you like gladiator movies?”

  95. Catblaster says:

    You look tense….a good friend of mine showed me a way to get rid of that…here…let me show you….

  96. Alxandro says:

    “Jimmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked “

  97. Max & Eric says:

    Man, I hope we didn`t just Feed that Sasquatch, I don`t wanna smell like raw fish.

  98. Catblaster says:

    “get your hands off of me you damned,dirty….president”

  99. Bob says:

    “I’m getting a thrill up my leg”

  100. Vermin says:

    Remember the time Biden got his ass kicked by those two bikers…

  101. yourfavortiteunkle says:

    Soldier: HEY! waddayaknow…that ring doesn’t say ‘Allah is the only God’like everyone says it does… it says’Lifetime member Man’s Country’.

  102. dapenguin says:

    Get your hand off me Sir, I have no idea where that hand has been

  103. dapenguin says:

    I knew your father, he died in Vietnam while me and my buds stayed home smoking weed

  104. Harleybob says:

    SIR! Get your dirty dick beaters off me or you’ll pull back a bloody stump! SIR!

  105. IslandLifer says:

    Sadly, another soldier gets fundamentally molested.

  106. TrickleUpPolitics says:

    Doug, I see you are an Airplane fan. Good use of movie lines.

    A Favorite:

    Jodie says:
    October 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm
    Son…be assured…that I will not rest…until we hold accountable…the guy who made that video.

    Scott Drummond says:
    October 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm
    “Barack, let me enlighten you to the fact that last time I saw a Muslim ring like that, as close to me as you are, I gutted THAT raghead with my bayonet, which apparently YOU don’t think we use anymore. If you care to see mine, then keep yer girly man hand right there, you traitor!”

    Love the bayonet jokes.

  107. Bad Barry says:

    I hope you want to see the change that has come to my pants.

  108. Stevo says:

    “Oh great. This muslim is wiping his left hand on me.”

  109. blue says:

    “The Bat Cave. Three Minutes.”

  110. coregis says:

    Nice fingernails, bitch….they look fabulous.

  111. Kek says:

    Great. Now I have cunt cooties.

  112. Beth says:

    Get your paws off me Dooog!

  113. Braden Lynch says:

    Oh well, now I have to burn this uniform.

  114. Alphamail says:


    Agreed – Jodie’s was hot…even dialed Obama’s speech cadence.

  115. Alphamail says:

    IslandLifer @ 7:34 pm

    A caption as well as a fact…double honorable mention, at minimum.

  116. Mike Johnston says:

    Dude, I don’t let my friends touch me like that. Get your dick beater off my shoulder..

  117. Bob Roberts says:

    I saw the way you were looking at me. Got some time for a little one-on-one?

  118. Bob Roberts says:

    I guess you heard I convinced Congress to get rid of “Don’t ask/Don’t tell”… so, I’m askin’!

  119. Bob Roberts says:

    How would you like to be the fly on my face?

  120. George Taylor says:

    Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!

  121. 4farms says:

    Get yr cotton pickin hands off me. PLEASE. Sir.

  122. sisterm0m says:

    And I just got this uniform out of the cleaners…….

  123. Phil says:

    Benghazi? Sorry, can’t let you go there.

  124. Slaby says:

    Son show me how you use your big gun. I promise I won’t tell.

  125. Slaby says:

    Want to see my chocolate star?

  126. Stick says:

    I don’t care if the Secret Service is behind you. Get your hand off me or I’ll rack you in the snot locker.

  127. MICHAEL P says:

    “I appreciate your OPTIMAL service under my OPTIMAL leadership corpseman”

  128. SNuss says:

    Darn it, I’ll have to burn this shirt now.

  129. SNuss says:

    How much disinfectant will it take to get Obama’s stench out of this shirt?

  130. SNuss says:

    Obama: “This is the gay version of the Vulcan Death Grip”

  131. Spartan351 says:

    “‘Bout to pull back a ‘nub.”

  132. SNuss says:

    Soldier: “Must–not–vomit–on–this–douchebag!”

  133. Energy Engineer says:

    “Trust me young soldier. If I send you in harms way I will do everything in my power to make sure you come home safe. Just ask ambassador Stevens.” -BHO

  134. Sickofobama says:

    Get your Muslim hand off me you traitorous bastard!

  135. Mike T says:

    I love that fabric, what is it?

  136. Marmo says:

    Don’t touch me, Mr. President. My mother touched me once. Once.

  137. wildman says:

    I need to burn this uniform after he’s touched it. it’s the only way to be sure.

  138. Leonard Jones says:

    Trust me, I have your back

  139. FrankHD says:

    “Sorry to tell you. You didn’t earn that rank”

  140. Spikehb says:

    If you ever need help, just ask. Trust me. I won’t let you down.

  141. FrankHD says:

    Hey corpseman, wadda you say? Me, you, Reggie, a jar of peanutbutter and a dark closet?

  142. frogmouth says:

    “Like that hand?”
    “Wanna keep it?”

  143. Jypsea Rose says:


  144. Bob says:

    “Is that a teleprompter in your pocket or are you just glad to see me sir?”

  145. Richard says:

    “The chip goes right here.”

  146. LANMaster says:

    Get your hands off me, you damn, dirty ape.

    Not a racist reference. It refers to Planet of the Apes, starring Charlton Heston.

  147. LANMaster says:

    OBAMA: You don’t get to vote. It’s okay, though, you weren’t planning to vote for me anyway, baby-killer.

  148. Glenfin says:

    Get your F***ing hand off me!

  149. Richard says:

    As your Commander in Chief, you are willing to lay down your life to promote my re-election, right?

  150. StanInTexas says:

    I will never be able to get this uniform clean enough to wear again.

  151. David says:

    “In two seconds I’m going treat that hand like a Dobermann Pincher treats a pork chop”.

  152. TrickleUpPolitics says:

    Soldier: You might want to remove your hand because my balls are as big as cue balls. Ask Joe.

  153. Bob Roberts says:

    While I like all the comments that assume a negative reaction on the guy’s part, especially those which mention bayonets given Obama’s debate gaffe, I really suggest you work more on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” perspective because it looks like the kid, unfortunately, is actually enjoying the attention.


    Hey, I need a new “body man”… and you meet all the qualifications! Interested?

  154. Bob Roberts says:

    Aha, I see some real winners above though.

    Here is one I expect to at least place:

    FrankHD says: October 28, 2012 at 9:41 am

  155. Bob Roberts says:

    And this nod to Johnny Dangerously had me howling:

    Marmo says: October 28, 2012 at 8:51 am

  156. Bob Roberts says:

    And while this one was funny, it really does seem most people would say yes, it is racist, even if it was not intended to be presented as such – but the denial suggests otherwise:

    LANMaster says: October 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

  157. Bob Roberts says:

    But, thank GOD, I’m not the one who will decide this contest. A lot of good answers, as others have pointed out, and I’m sure the winners will deserve it!

  158. WhiteFalcon1 says:

    I said, “if that hand touches me again, your not getting it back…!”-
    Eli/ Book of Eli

  159. Bob Roberts says:

    Realizing the young man who stood before him was none other than his long lost illegitimate son, Obama blurted out, “I… I… I can’t say I was the perfect. ah, father by ah, any means… and I… ah, wasn’t always there for, ah, um, hmmm… ah Barry Jr., but I promise… and this time I… uh… really mean it, no, seriously, I’m not kidding this time, ah, that must… I mean that ah, will change”, at which point Obama reached out to put his arm around Barry Jr., who flinched ever so slightly due to the physical contact.

  160. ggj says:

    Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape.

  161. The MUSEman says:

    “You earned that medal, soldier, but in the interest of fairness, equality, reparation, and equal opportunity I’m awarding it to the soldier to your left. Carry on.”

    Thanks for reading!

  162. ray loose says:

    Keep your paws off me you dirty president

  163. creeper says:

    Hey, soldier…how would you like to be a general?

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