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Jun 22 2014

Fourth of July Celebrations Canceled on Behalf of Birds

What could be more quintessentially progressive than using the alleged best interests of “protected” birds as a pretext to cancel Fourth of July celebrations? From Taxachusetts:

The town of Duxbury has cancelled what was an annual 4th of July beach bonfire celebration.

The endangered piping plover bird has moved-in and there are at least 24 nests on Duxbury Beach. There are large areas of the beach that are restricted. The town’s July 4th committee said usually a couple thousand people attend the celebration and there is no way to ensure the nests will not get trampled, so the bonfire is cancelled.

This time the old “the animals were here first” argument does not apply. The people were there first. But then the birds came, so the people can’t use their beach anymore.

If you own beachfront property, pray no birds decide to build nests on it. If they do, make sure the authorities never find out.

Given the advanced stage of moonbattery in Massachusetts, the media account may be correct that people aren’t even angry about another tradition getting crushed by Big Government.

Most Duxbury residents said they understand the need to cancel the bonfire for the bird. Since the birds return every year, the committee said next year they’ll consider a new tradition of having the beach bonfire at another time.

That’s no good. It helps erase the Fourth of July, but does nothing to prevent global warming. Since a fundamentally transformed America requires a fundamentally transformed holiday schedule, July 4 should be canceled once and for all and replaced with Earth Day, which we can celebrate by sitting in the dark and contemplating our sins against the planet.

piping-plover
A piping plover. Useful mostly for .22 practice.

On tips from Lyle, Dean D, and Wiggins.




16 Responses to “Fourth of July Celebrations Canceled on Behalf of Birds”

  1. MannieP says:

    I set aside Earth Day as the date to burn my old tires.

  2. Mr. Mentalo says:

    Could this be the spark that lights the flame?

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/06/22/louisiana-gov-jindal-claims-rebellion-brewing-against-washington/

    Probably not. I get the feeling all the tinder in America is wet, and fire is no longer possible. Still, it could be that Jindal may have started something simply by saying it.

    Oh, the Repubs will try and walk it back, tamp it down and probably even excoriate Jindal for daring to speak in such “extreme” terms. But maybe, just maybe, this will stick in people’s heads, and after the next round of tyrannical moves by Obama, the words “rebellion brewing” will start to sink in and become “rebellion underway”.

    “When in the course of human events it becomes necessary…”

  3. Mr. Mentalo says:

    Could this be the spark that lights the flame?

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/06/22/louisiana-gov-jindal-claims-rebellion-brewing-against-washington/

    Probably not. I get the feeling all the tinder in America is wet, and fire is no longer possible. Still, it could be that Jindal may have started something simply by saying it.

    Oh, the Repubs will try and walk it back, tamp it down and probably even excoriate Jindal for daring to speak in such “extreme” terms. But maybe, just maybe, this will stick in people’s heads, and after the next round of tyrannical moves by Obama, the words “rebellion brewing” will start to sink in and become “rebellion underway”.

    “When in the course of human events it becomes necessary…”

  4. Mr. Mentalo says:

    I know this was about “revolution against ‘the man'”, but “the man” is now the stifling, anti-constitutional rogue government of the progressives, so the words have a new context. Will we have any Volunteers?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzHBr0ndKus

    (Anyhow, it’s always a great idea to hear Jack’s bass under any circumstances.) Up the revolution, indeed!

  5. Mr. Mentalo says:

    I know this was about “revolution against ‘the man'”, but “the man” is now the stifling, anti-constitutional rogue government of the progressives, so the words have a new context. Will we have any Volunteers?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzHBr0ndKus

    (Anyhow, it’s always a great idea to hear Jack’s bass under any circumstances.) Up the revolution, indeed!

  6. formwiz says:

    It is the People’s Republic, after all.

  7. formwiz says:

    It is the People’s Republic, after all.

  8. Berzrkr50 says:

    Probably doesn’t taste like chicken, but… BBQ anyone? Free birds!

  9. Berzrkr50 says:

    Probably doesn’t taste like chicken, but… BBQ anyone? Free birds!

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  11. FreedomByTheBlade says:

    Duxbury is a bastion of liberal lunacy. It has huge old money and is be epitome of douche Massachusetts liberal country. They are all trust fund liberals out there. I did a lot of construction work in that town. We aren’t all liberal d-bags out here its just we are so gerrymandered by the establishment that it is too thick to fight them; most dems here run unopposed.

    BTW I heard Brazilians eat the piping plovers by the dozens and are handsomely rewarded when they turn in the ID Tags from the birds they kill

  12. FreedomByTheBlade says:

    Duxbury is a bastion of liberal lunacy. It has huge old money and is be epitome of douche Massachusetts liberal country. They are all trust fund liberals out there. I did a lot of construction work in that town. We aren’t all liberal d-bags out here its just we are so gerrymandered by the establishment that it is too thick to fight them; most dems here run unopposed.

    BTW I heard Brazilians eat the piping plovers by the dozens and are handsomely rewarded when they turn in the ID Tags from the birds they kill

  13. ck says:

    Sorry, Im for the birds on this one bitches.

  14. ck says:

    Sorry, Im for the birds on this one bitches.

  15. DP says:

    Our bird feeders and bird bath have been empty since the 4th of July and it’s now the 7th. Our house shook and the windows rattled with all of the fireworks this year. This celebration, of our independence from England, is really archaic, isn’t it? Isn’t war archaic too for that matter? I’m totally for the birds and our planet. I used to enjoy the 4th of July, but as I’ve gotten older I’m starting to question its “necessity.” After all, is it reasonable to expect that we will be celebrating it forever, a hundred years from now, a thousand?

  16. DP says:

    Our bird feeders and bird bath have been empty since the 4th of July and it’s now the 7th. Our house shook and the windows rattled with all of the fireworks this year. This celebration, of our independence from England, is really archaic, isn’t it? Isn’t war archaic too for that matter? I’m totally for the birds and our planet. I used to enjoy the 4th of July, but as I’ve gotten older I’m starting to question its “necessity.” After all, is it reasonable to expect that we will be celebrating it forever, a hundred years from now, a thousand?

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