moonbattery logo

Sep 08 2014

Government Smores

What would happen if Big Government extended its reach into the realm of campfire snacks? No need to wonder; in the Age of Hopey Change, even smores fall within the federal purview:

The U.S. Forest Service celebrated National Roasted Marshmallow Day the only way a government agency knows how — by telling people how not to roast smores.

“Never start a campfire when there are fire restrictions in place,” the jovial blog post says. “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.” It also recommends keeping children at least 10 feet from the campfire, ensuring that they take no part in dangerous marshmallow melting. …

No doubt with the fearsome specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders, the agency also suggests replacing chocolate with fruit: “Grill thin slices of pineapple and substitute chocolate for the sweet, warm fruit. You will still get a tasty treat but by substituting with fruit, it is healthier – as long as you watch the amount of marshmallows used. If you want to cut down even more on calories, try using slices of angel food cake instead of graham crackers.”

To limit the “amount of marshmallows used,” they helpfully propose substituting “marshmallow crème”–”a spreadable version of marshmallows that helps you more easily regulate portion.”

The liberal Leviathan has a similar effect on everything it touches — and these days it touches everything.

At least the federal smores guidelines are only recommendations for now. Our wise and benevolent rulers are generously giving voluntary compliance a chance before resorting to prison sentences for incorrect smore preparation.

On a tip from Henry.



28 Responses to “Government Smores”

  1. MannieP says:

    Everyone knows the proper way to prepare marshmallows, is to skewer it on a green stick, hold it over a fire until they ignite, and then wave the flaming marshmallow around before sticking it to the cheek of the kid next to you.

  2. dan says:

    Visualizing the growth of federal regulation since 1950

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5-5a6Q54BM

  3. dan says:

    Visualizing the growth of federal regulation since 1950

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5-5a6Q54BM

  4. 762x51 says:

    “No doubt with the fearsome, hulking specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders” – Fixed that for ya.

    In keeping with the Libtard ideology of “everything that is fun is bad for you”

    Liberal S’mores recipe.

    Graham cracker – Nope Rice Cakes
    Marshmallows – Nope tofu
    Chocolate – Nope fruit

    Screw it – just stay home and drink beer.

  5. 762x51 says:

    “No doubt with the fearsome, hulking specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders” – Fixed that for ya.

    In keeping with the Libtard ideology of “everything that is fun is bad for you”

    Liberal S’mores recipe.

    Graham cracker – Nope Rice Cakes
    Marshmallows – Nope tofu
    Chocolate – Nope fruit

    Screw it – just stay home and drink beer.

  6. Henry says:

    No chocolate, no marshmallows, no graham crackers… in what world can that still be called a s’more?

    Obamazarro World.

  7. Henry says:

    No chocolate, no marshmallows, no graham crackers… in what world can that still be called a s’more?

    Obamazarro World.

  8. RaquelAnna says:

    No’mores……….

  9. RaquelAnna says:

    No’mores……….

  10. Rock ThisTown says:

    What a natural fit for the US Forest Service – nutrition. Well, if it’s true you are what you eat, these folks must have a lifetime of eating nuts & flakes.

    “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.”
    Dang! I was hoping to build a fire under the gas tank in my car!

  11. Rock ThisTown says:

    What a natural fit for the US Forest Service – nutrition. Well, if it’s true you are what you eat, these folks must have a lifetime of eating nuts & flakes.

    “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.”
    Dang! I was hoping to build a fire under the gas tank in my car!

  12. Henry says:

    “What a natural fit for the US Forest Service – nutrition.”

    Kinda like the EPA’s office of Civil Rights

  13. Henry says:

    “What a natural fit for the US Forest Service – nutrition.”

    Kinda like the EPA’s office of Civil Rights

  14. Jodie says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the Obamas would decide to celebrate this victory by throwing a Smores Campfire Roasting party and serving traditional Smores to “poor, oppressed” black children.

  15. Jodie says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the Obamas would decide to celebrate this victory by throwing a Smores Campfire Roasting party and serving traditional Smores to “poor, oppressed” black children.

  16. Appalled By The World says:

    Yes-it’s high time they do something about those “500 years of oppression”.

  17. Appalled By The World says:

    Yes-it’s high time they do something about those “500 years of oppression”.

  18. MicahStone says:

    NEWS ITEM: “Government publishes detailed instructions on how to safely roast marshmallows”

    First: set fire to a BIBLE – which produces the best flame for roasting…
    Second: Praise ALLAH for the great food you’re about to eat…
    Third: Buy $1,000,000 in GloBULL Warming (HOAX) credits to compensate for the heat you’ll generate.

    Enjoy.

  19. MicahStone says:

    NEWS ITEM: “Government publishes detailed instructions on how to safely roast marshmallows”

    First: set fire to a BIBLE – which produces the best flame for roasting…
    Second: Praise ALLAH for the great food you’re about to eat…
    Third: Buy $1,000,000 in GloBULL Warming (HOAX) credits to compensate for the heat you’ll generate.

    Enjoy.

  20. rex freeway says:

    So an entire legion of morons who have never spent a weekend outdoors is going to dictate what a Smore is and the proper way to cook it. My guess is this was derived from a $500,000 government grant givin to the “We are precious Snowflakes”. A Liberal group that purports to know more about everything than anyone.

  21. rex freeway says:

    So an entire legion of morons who have never spent a weekend outdoors is going to dictate what a Smore is and the proper way to cook it. My guess is this was derived from a $500,000 government grant givin to the “We are precious Snowflakes”. A Liberal group that purports to know more about everything than anyone.

  22. rex freeway says:

    One of the Snowflakes children being attacked by a butterfly

  23. rex freeway says:

    One of the Snowflakes children being attacked by a butterfly

  24. Momster says:

    Lib/prog/commies live to suck the fun out of every aspect of life

    PS: Don’t forget to bring your 15 1/2 foot sticks to toast the marshmallows on

  25. Momster says:

    Lib/prog/commies live to suck the fun out of every aspect of life

    PS: Don’t forget to bring your 15 1/2 foot sticks to toast the marshmallows on

  26. […] charged with strangling 5-year-old girl to death in Texas » Government Smores » Report: Newton, MA School System Teaching Children with Plagiarized Material from […]


Alibi3col theme by Themocracy