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Apr 04 2013

Hiring Lifeguards Who Can’t Swim in the Name of Diversity

Following the election of Barack Hussein Obama, it is no longer possible to take Affirmative Action to new extremes of stupidity — but that doesn’t mean moonbats won’t try:

To diversify the lifeguard force, Phoenix will spend thousands of dollars to recruit minorities even if they’re not strong swimmers, according to an official quoted in a news report. Blacks, Latinos and Asians who may not necessarily qualify can still get hired, says the city official who adds that “we will work with you in your swimming abilities.”

Most of the kids splashing around amid bobbing turds and spreading yellow clouds in Phoenix’s 29 public pools are of the politically favored black and blown persuasions, whereas most of the lifeguards are white, since whites tend to be better at swimming — or to put it in cultural Marxist terms,

In Phoenix public pool lifeguards have traditionally come from “more affluent parts of town” where schools have swim teams.

Fortunately our wise rulers have a simple solution to this intolerable state of affairs: hire nonwhites regardless of qualifications.

If only this anti-white lunacy were limited to Phoenix swimming pools:

Under President Obama we have seen a lot of this at the federal level through a variety of specially-designed government programs that give ethnic minorities special treatment at all federal agencies as well as medical and agricultural fields, among others.

Earlier this year the administration made history by hiring the government’s first “Chief Officer for Scientific Workforce Diversity” to mastermind a multi-million-dollar effort that boosts the number of minorities in biomedical research…

Scientific discoveries don’t matter in and of themselves; what matters is that they be made by nonwhites — or rather, that nonwhites be paid to pretend to make them, just as nonwhites will be paid to pretend to save drowning children at public pools.

On tips from Henry, Just TheTip, and Alphamail. Hat tip: Gateway Pundit.

31 Responses to “Hiring Lifeguards Who Can’t Swim in the Name of Diversity”

  1. Musicmaven says:

    Great….there was a woman DEAD at the bottom of a pool for over 3 days in a Fall River MA public pool because none of the “lifeguards” “noticed” she was there…….
    I am sure hiring Life Guards with questionable swimming skills will mean more situations such as this.

  2. Bo Jangles says:


    “If I were to say that many women [who] voted for Obama are irrational, politically ignorant, flighty, and confuse the tingling in their genitals with the kinds of political thoughts that actual grown-ups have, I’d be called a misogynist. So I won’t say it. …I’ll let the women in question say it for me…” –Anon

  3. StanInTexas says:

    So not only has the ‘content of their character’ gone out the Liberal window, so has common sense?

    “Now hiring black, brown, and yellow-skinned Pilots for commercial airline company. Now white applicants accepted. Prior flying experience suggested, but not required. “we will work with you in your flying abilities.””

  4. Flu-Bird says:

    The stupidity of diversity its going to cost live all in the name of this DIVERSITY poppycock nonsense

  5. Spider says:

    Now the question becomes, how many people in Phoenix will die in the name of diversity and political correctness?

  6. Virilade (Gastrofil) says:

    What’s next grabbing a guy off the street and making him a brain surgeon because that is what he always wanted to be when he grew up?

  7. Tax Slave says:

    Affirmative action will not undo years of racism; it will exacerbate it. Imagine, you’re in the hospital and a black doctor walks in. Did he earn his degree, or did he get it through lowered standards for affirmative action?

  8. Omnibro says:

    @Tax Slave It’s in there. Sobamacare has those AA quotas.

  9. Tchhht!!! says:

    They will have to take latinos off that list since it is all too clear that they are great swimmers.

  10. Jim says:

    Big deal. We elect people that don’t know a damn thing about government.

  11. Wizard45 says:

    Hmmm, could be a “win-win” deal. They could also hire some of the “homies” to fish the bodies of non-swimming lifeguards and the drowning victims out of the pool. And just think of the jump in sales of pool chemicals.

  12. Doug says:

    What else is new?

    We can’t elect politicians, hire teachers, government workers who can tell the truth, recognize the truth or even add 2 + 2 without some worm like equivocating and girly hesitation.

  13. Alphamail says:


    In the perfect liberal world, an advertisement can read, “Tall sexy English-speaking Norwegian woman needed for swimsuit ad,” and a fat black male midget Zimbabwean must be hired…

    …because he identifies as a female, he always wanted to be tall, he was not “afforded the opportunity” to learn English, and the company must hit its quota or face a lawsuit.

    Then, when the company doesn’t sell its product, the libs will step in and give it a government subsidy.

  14. Momster says:

    Wizard45–I’s still laughing! Spot on sarcasm.

  15. Jay B. says:

    I love it. Whites are naturally better swimmers (just like blacks are better at running) so it has to be twisted into “they come from private schools with swimming teams”. The PC crowd will twist like a pretzel to avoid looking at facts.

  16. Joe says:

    Whatever happened to odumbo’s reasoning “if it saves just one life, blah, blah, blah…..) If having QUALIFIED lifeguards, regardless of color saves just one life…..Oh forget it. It’s like trying to reason with a doorknob.

    What is the “blown persuasion” anyway?
    I might be interested.

  17. cowboy chris says:

    Asked an affirmative action employee at Target if they had calamine lotion. She grunted, pointed at some hair conditioner, and went back to standing by a shopping cart full of stuff, doing NOTHING. I hope she gets that raise she deserves!

  18. Ummah Gummah says:


    Putting in all-black lifeguards will have the same result as putting in an all-black City Council and Mayor in Detroit.


  19. Clingtomyguns says:

    Here is a test for this PC crapola – would Obama be willing to let his girls go swim at the public pools protected by the AA black lifeguards who can’t swim. Didn’t think so, they’re too busy taking right after mommy and daddy, livin’ large while the getting’s good in dual spring breaks on the taxpayer $ for flights and security in Snowmass and Atlantis, Bahamas.

  20. Jester says:

    This reminds me of when Chairman Mao promoted the housekeepers in Chinese hospitals to surgeons, and demoted the surgeons to housekeepers. Hilarity ensued.

  21. octa bright says:

    There will be deaths, probably of children, and hopefully the city will be sued for a huge amount. There will be scapegoats and things will continue until the next time. The fools responsible for this madness will not be penalised because the dead will be Afro-American and/or Latino and those communities will vote Democrat no matter what happens. Nothing changes except for the victums.

  22. True Blue says:

    I have a better idea; let’s take these same unqualified ‘lifeguards’ and make them BY LAW into the 0’s secret service detail. Let’s see how these statist scum like the shoe being on the other foot.

  23. True Blue says:

    Take away guns from law abiding citizens to ‘protect the children’ but hire unqualified ifeguards who can’t swim to ‘protect the…’ hey, wait a minute…

  24. grayjohn says:

    They need a special time during the day for people who can’t swim. That’s the only way to be fair. Call it the Dead Plunge or something like that.

  25. Jodie says:

    From the article:

    “The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white,” she says, “and we don’t like that. The kids don’t relate; there’s language issues.”

    In other words, it’s racist to speak English.

  26. Flu-Bird says:

    Whom ever came up with this needs a good kick in the nads

  27. Momster says:

    Oh, Flu-Bird–the kinds of people who make this $#!t up HAVE no nads! They are libs/progs/commies. Pencil-necked geeks who don’t have the stones to stand up face to face with people.

  28. No white parent in his or her right mind would allow their white child to swim in a public pool in any case. My kids swim at a private swim club where non-whites are rare.

    Yes, it costs a lot. It’s worth it.

  29. Eric says:

    At first I agreed with the outrage, but after thinking about it I have a better understanding.

    From the article, very few whites use the public pools as most of them have one at home, or a friends house, or use a paid club. You could technically call the public pools minority facilities, even though the actual population is 90% non-white.
    The “minority” kids at the pool don’t like being “bossed” by the white guards. there is likely a mob rule mentality by the little bastards that hate “the man”, in this case, sitting in the ivory tower, ruling over them.

    The affirmative action in this case could be a benefit for “minority” youths who might want an opportunity to learn leadership and lifesaving skills they would normally not have the chance to partake in, and get paid to do. You can believe they will not put anyone up on that stand until they have developed the necessary skills to perform the job.

    I’m not saying it will work, but why not try and let those in the hood police their own. At the very least, it will free up the white kids from having to learn reverse diversity.

  30. Flu-Bird says:

    Like hiring a bland person to drive a bus like hiring a crinimal to guard fort knox. Diversity is stupid

  31. […] From the “This is a piece from the Onion, right?” category, Hiring Lifeguards Who Can’t Swim in the Name of Diversity: […]

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