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Oct 11 2013

Mandatory Safety Helmets for Pedestrians

Anyone who thinks forcing kids to wear helmets to play soccer is the last word in authoritarian absurdity is directed to Moscow on the Colorado, where a sample of the public overwhelmingly approved of mandatory safety helmets for pedestrians:

People at the University of Texas at Austin agreed to sign a petition that would compel the City of Austin to enforce a law requiring pedestrians to wear safety helmets.

The tongue-in-cheek operation by Alex Jones’ staff was called C.H.U.M.P.S. (Compelled Helmet Use for the Misfortunate Public). Participants were told the law would also require special walking lanes so people could walk while texting and freely run into things. No one would get hurt because everyone is wearing helmets.

Sadly, most people didn’t realize it was a joke. They were even told the plan would be used to lower insurance prices under Obamacare.

“We talked to 20 people and 14 of them signed the petition to pass a law to make the general population wear helmets when you walk down the street,” said talk show host Alex Jones said in a video report.

Hats off to Jones. Despite the loose screws that can sometimes be heard rattling around in his skull, this prank was worthy of Mark Dice.

The lesson to take away: writer Paul Joseph Watson noted that the helmet petition shows “the majority of the general public will accept almost any nanny state measure no matter how ludicrous.”

This has been repeatedly confirmed by New Yorkers’ passive submission beneath the heel of Nanny Bloomberg.

“Mandatory helmets? Why didn’t I think of that?”

On a tip from Paging Mark Dice.

14 Responses to “Mandatory Safety Helmets for Pedestrians”

  1. Steve says:

    Rockstar! Sen. Ted Cruz’s Remarks at the Values Voter Summit (Full Video)

  2. Jim says:

    I guess the “S” in CHUMPS is for “Suckers”.

  3. Spurwing Plover says:

    How about manditory brains for all these university eggheads comming up with this nonsense

  4. Spurwing Plover says:

    This is your brains on liberalism,big brotherism

  5. Katya Kakhov says:

    I did this via email a couple of April Fool’s Days ago and found that 1 in 3 MSF instructors thought that teaching ME “The art and mystery of laying it down” was a banner idea .

  6. Educated Derelicts says:

    Bwahaha! Chumps! Only a chump couldn’t figure it out. Free sobama and rainbow stickers for each chump.

    “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

    Calvin Coolidge

    “Everything has its limit-iron ore cannot be educated into gold.”

    Mark Twain

  7. TED says:

    The LEFT would never miss an opportunity to FEEL good about themselves. THAT is the reality behind this and ALL liberal stupidity. They are saving the world again. The only one dumber is the stain that actually believes they are.

  8. Spurwing Plover says:

    These university pinheads need to go around waring T-Shirts with STUPID and IM WITH STUPID on them becuase THEIR ALL STUPID

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Well the combination of chemical laden food & water along with our public school system has reached it’s full potential.

    It’s clear that a good 90% of the citizenry are absolute idjits running on feewings & do-goodery instead of critical thinking, logic and reasoning.

    We’d probably be smarter if a country like China or Russia invaded us and took it all over.

  10. HiPlanesDrifter says:

    “We talked to 20 people and 14 of them signed the petition to pass a law to make the general population wear helmets when you walk down the street,”
    Anyone think it’s a stretch to say these 14 are, first & foremost, Obama voters? They’d probably also sign a petition to ban that evil chemical, dihydrogen monoxide.
    I’m thinking these 14 (and their progeny) should be compelled to be wrapped completely in foam & wear earplugs for the rest of their lives so that they will never get a bruise, a cut, or hurt feelings.

  11. Bo Jangles says:

    This story simply confirms what has become obvious, even to the rest of the world.

  12. Gary Benson says:

    Mark Dice is great, and so is Alex Jones. Don’t know why you took a potshot at him. Sadly, most of what he talks about can be verified with a bit of research. In fact, he usually works off of headlines and then rifs and gives his own spin. Sure, he goes too far at times, but all in all he’s waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more honest than the MSM. And I bet his viewership is HUGE.

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