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Apr 16 2014

Michael Bloomberg Grants Himself Eternal Life in Heaven

Micromanaging moonbat Michael Bloomberg is no longer Mayor of New York, having been replaced by another tyrant even further to the Left. But Bloomberg’s long-term prospects are still looking bright — at least, according to his own estimation. Boasts Bloomie:

“I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

Bloomberg has granted himself this VIP ticket through the Pearly Gates as a reward for his nanny state authoritarianism and his anti-constitutional efforts to deprive law-abiding citizens of their God-given right of self-defense.

I seem to recall something in the Bible about pride going before a fall. But maybe Bloomberg overruled this with one of his many arrogant decrees.

On a tip from Sean C.



56 Responses to “Michael Bloomberg Grants Himself Eternal Life in Heaven”

  1. Jim says:

    Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

  2. Jim says:

    Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

  3. Pat says:

    Billionaire Bloomie needs to be reminded about a camel and the eye of the needle.

  4. Pat says:

    Billionaire Bloomie needs to be reminded about a camel and the eye of the needle.

  5. Coldwarrior57 says:

    I guess he thinks he is going to heaven to replace God.

  6. Coldwarrior57 says:

    I guess he thinks he is going to heaven to replace God.

  7. JeffersonSpinningInGrave says:

    Many nanny statists seem to really feel that way. These true believers are to be feared the most.

  8. JeffersonSpinningInGrave says:

    Many nanny statists seem to really feel that way. These true believers are to be feared the most.

  9. Son of the Rabbit People says:

    If he knew anything about the almighty, he would know that He is no respecter of persons; meaning one can not earn their way in. No one is good enough, not even Godless communists.

  10. Son of the Rabbit People says:

    If he knew anything about the almighty, he would know that He is no respecter of persons; meaning one can not earn their way in. No one is good enough, not even Godless communists.

  11. wingmann says:

    Yo,doomberg. Check the back of your free pass…it was issued by

    Baphomet.

  12. wingmann says:

    Yo,doomberg. Check the back of your free pass…it was issued by

    Baphomet.

  13. grayjohn says:

    I’m with Huckleberry Finn on this one.

  14. grayjohn says:

    I’m with Huckleberry Finn on this one.

  15. 762x51 says:

    “I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not
    stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my
    place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    Man would I love to be there to see that show down. An agent of evil tries to force his way into Heaven. I think I read where they have a rule about that and know how to deal with it. Of course, his free pass goes the other way and he will never even see the Pearly Gates as the the gates of his masters domain are made of another substance.

    Now all we need is someone to arrange the meeting . . .

  16. 762x51 says:

    “I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not
    stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my
    place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    Man would I love to be there to see that show down. An agent of evil tries to force his way into Heaven. I think I read where they have a rule about that and know how to deal with it. Of course, his free pass goes the other way and he will never even see the Pearly Gates as the the gates of his masters domain are made of another substance.

    Now all we need is someone to arrange the meeting . . .

  17. Lentenlands says:

    Nope, you’re goin’ straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

    The problem with this fool and the rest of us is that we have ALL sinned against a perfect and holy God and deserve to eternally suffer in hell. We also cannot possibly earn heaven. Never. Not ever.

    The good news is that the heart of God desires that we all accept the free gift that Jesus Christ made on our behalf and make Him Lord and Savior of our lives. It’s that simple really.

  18. Lentenlands says:

    Nope, you’re goin’ straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

    The problem with this fool and the rest of us is that we have ALL sinned against a perfect and holy God and deserve to eternally suffer in hell. We also cannot possibly earn heaven. Never. Not ever.

    The good news is that the heart of God desires that we all accept the free gift that Jesus Christ made on our behalf and make Him Lord and Savior of our lives. It’s that simple really.

  19. IOpian says:

    Anybody who begins their statement with ‘if there is a God’ probably shouldn’t be concerned with Heaven. He’d best spend his billions now since there are no hitches for U-Haul trailers on hearses or credit card readers at the pearly gates.

  20. IOpian says:

    Anybody who begins their statement with ‘if there is a God’ probably shouldn’t be concerned with Heaven. He’d best spend his billions now since there are no hitches for U-Haul trailers on hearses or credit card readers at the pearly gates.

  21. Mr. Mentalo says:

    How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

    For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt
    my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the
    congregation, in the sides of the north:

    I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.

    Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.

  22. Mr. Mentalo says:

    How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

    For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt
    my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the
    congregation, in the sides of the north:

    I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.

    Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.

  23. Extirpates says:

    His logic is badly flawed. The statement should be: If there is a god, hopefully my soul, if I have a soul will be saved, from perdition, if there is such a thing.

  24. Extirpates says:

    His logic is badly flawed. The statement should be: If there is a god, hopefully my soul, if I have a soul will be saved, from perdition, if there is such a thing.

  25. Henry says:

    Without a doubt, he’ll be burning in Hell. Enjoy the Eighth Circle, barrator…

  26. Henry says:

    Without a doubt, he’ll be burning in Hell. Enjoy the Eighth Circle, barrator…

  27. jarhead says:

    Bloom-turd cannot buy his way on this one! he better take some of his money and buy a fire proof suit!

  28. jarhead says:

    Bloom-turd cannot buy his way on this one! he better take some of his money and buy a fire proof suit!

  29. Duke says:

    “If there is a God….” For thousands of years now it has not worked out well for people who pissed Him off. I don’t think this will end well for Bloomberg.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if hizzoner is forced to spend eternity with his eyelids removed, duct-taped to a chair and forced to sit there and listen to Bill O’Reilly. Now THAT’s what I call real hell!

  30. Duke says:

    “If there is a God….” For thousands of years now it has not worked out well for people who pissed Him off. I don’t think this will end well for Bloomberg.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if hizzoner is forced to spend eternity with his eyelids removed, duct-taped to a chair and forced to sit there and listen to Bill O’Reilly. Now THAT’s what I call real hell!

  31. Bill T says:

    This Guy Proves It’s Crazy to Be Atheist With One Simple and Hilarious Question
    http://www.todaychristian.net/guy-proves-crazy-atheist-one-simple-hilarious-question/

  32. Bill T says:

    This Guy Proves It’s Crazy to Be Atheist With One Simple and Hilarious Question
    http://www.todaychristian.net/guy-proves-crazy-atheist-one-simple-hilarious-question/

  33. ODA315 says:

    Imagine how shocked he’ll be……

  34. Hungjumper says:

    Imagine how shocked he’ll be……

  35. georgeadair says:

    If he is already questioning whether GOD exists then he is already doomed. For Jesus has said that only through me shall you be saved and join him in the kingdom of heaven.

  36. georgeadair says:

    If he is already questioning whether GOD exists then he is already doomed. For Jesus has said that only through me shall you be saved and join him in the kingdom of heaven.

  37. JeffersonSpinningInGrave says:

    Shh, don’t say that. Every time he opens his coffers, it causes trouble and headaches for Americans.

  38. JeffersonSpinningInGrave says:

    Shh, don’t say that. Every time he opens his coffers, it causes trouble and headaches for Americans.

  39. Cameraman says:

    Bloomberg! Party of One Your Table Is Ready!!

  40. Cameraman says:

    Bloomberg! Party of One Your Table Is Ready!!

  41. Softly Bob says:

    Good post, Dude. Good video.

  42. Saxon Warrior says:

    Good post, Dude. Good video.

  43. Softly Bob says:

    Yeah, I like how he thinks he can just barge straight in, without an interview. Ooops!

  44. Saxon Warrior says:

    Yeah, I like how he thinks he can just barge straight in, without an interview. Ooops!

  45. Gunny G Alz says:

    Can’t wait for this shitstain to die. I’m hosting a 5 alarm chili cookoff and beer bash graveside. Plenty of toilet paper will be on hand.

  46. Gunny G Alz says:

    Can’t wait for this shitstain to die. I’m hosting a 5 alarm chili cookoff and beer bash graveside. Plenty of toilet paper will be on hand.

  47. Jodie says:

    Revelation 22:13-15
    King James Version (KJV)

    13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

    14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree
    of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.

    15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

    Woops! Sorry Bloomberg! I guess that rules you out.

  48. Jodie says:

    Revelation 22:13-15
    King James Version (KJV)

    13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

    14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree
    of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.

    15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

    Woops! Sorry Bloomberg! I guess that rules you out.

  49. TED says:

    Bloomberg to God: I Make the Rules

    NEW YORK (WNB) – Michael Bloomberg said when he dies he doesn’t have to talk to God, if He exists, because his works have fast-tracked him to Heaven. The former NYC mayor’s comments appear in a recent New York Times interview.

    “I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close,” said Bloomberg.

    In a related story, latter day prophet Father Anthony Batachi claims God weighed in on the former mayor’s statement, as the 96-year-old Catholic priest prayed Monday evening.

    “He said, ‘Who the hell is Michael Bloomberg?'”

    http://peacemoonbeam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451af9f69e201a511a12999970c-500wi

  50. TED says:

    Bloomberg to God: I Make the Rules

    NEW YORK (WNB) – Michael Bloomberg said when he dies he doesn’t have to talk to God, if He exists, because his works have fast-tracked him to Heaven. The former NYC mayor’s comments appear in a recent New York Times interview.

    “I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close,” said Bloomberg.

    In a related story, latter day prophet Father Anthony Batachi claims God weighed in on the former mayor’s statement, as the 96-year-old Catholic priest prayed Monday evening.

    “He said, ‘Who the hell is Michael Bloomberg?'”

    http://peacemoonbeam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451af9f69e201a511a12999970c-500wi

  51. Catholic4life says:

    Eternal life in Heaven??? More like the lower levels of Hell for Eternity!

  52. Eternal life in Heaven??? More like the lower levels of Hell for Eternity!


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