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Dec 12 2012

Obamadon Gracilis

Obama’s legacy will extend beyond permanently crippling the economy through welfare dependency and wildly excessive spending. He also has an extinct lizard named after him:

The small, insect-eating lizard was discovered in the badlands of northeastern Montana — its fossil preserved in an area called the Hell Creek formation. Less than a foot long, it had elaborate teeth with three cusps on each tooth and a slender jaw. Some 65 million years ago, it went extinct. And now, it is named for the 44th president of the United States: Obamadon gracilis.

After the earth was hit by the huge Chicxulub asteroid, which theoretically killed off the dinosaurs by sending massive amounts of dust and smoke into the air,

“the ecosystem basically collapses when there’s not enough sunlight to make new leaves. No new plants growing, everything kind of starves, and in that situation I would imagine, maybe what you’ve got going on is dead, rotting plant material, dying, rotting dinosaurs, and probably a lot of maggots and beetles and grubs that are eating all that dead material,” [Yale paleontologist Nicholas] Longrich said. “Animals that can eat the insects are maybe what’s surviving, so insectivores which tend to be smaller” can survive.

The secret to Obamadon gracilis's success was being smaller and feeding on the creepy-crawlies that in turn fed on the decomposing remnants of a dying world. Likewise, Obama is figuratively knee high to any other president, and is supported by the creepy-crawlies who in turn are subsidized by the bureaucratic maggots squiggling in the guts of what was once America. You can see why the scientists chose the name they did.

A reptile that lives off those who feed on decay.

On tips from Lyle, Sam Adams, and Bob Roberts.

17 Responses to “Obamadon Gracilis”

  1. Big Al says:

    No species deserves that.

  2. Joe says:

    obama’s an bug eating lizard from hell. Who knew?
    I thought he liked dogs.

  3. Tax Slave says:

    Remember the science fiction series “V”?

  4. Just like his Nobel Prize, no actual accomplishment is required. Bone hunters are always “discovering” new species that are indistinguishable from existing (extinct) species except by careful observation by trained experts. No, you may not ask how they can tell. They just can. This vanity naming is obviously a thinly veiled plea for more research grant money. month long camping trips aren’t cheap.

  5. The Pontificator says:

    Obamadon Gracilis. “Graceful Obama”, huh? More like disgraceful.

    What shameless liberal academic pandering. Makes me want to puke.

  6. Tax Slave says:

    Prof. Hale,

    How long must a bone be buried until fossilation (the process by which all materials are replaced with minerals) takes place?

    Dinosaur bones are no longer made of bone, but minerals.

  7. Clingtomyguns says:

    Now we understand what must happen to the many flies he seems to attract as a son of Beelzubub.

  8. Tax slave,
    Thanks for your pedantic use of pedantry. But technically, bones aren’t made of bone either, but are themselves minerals. And the minerals are atoms. I know you were trying to make a point but I missed it in the distraction caused by your brilliant use of trivia.

    Were dinosaur bones ever made of bone? Who can say? No dinosaurs around to test the theory.

  9. Tax Slave says:


    Except: “The majority of bone is made of the bone matrix. It has inorganic and organic parts. Bone is formed by the hardening of this matrix entrapping the cells. When these cells become entrapped from osteoblasts they become osteocytes.”

    NOW who’s pendantic?

  10. Tax Slave says:


    My point is that it takes a geologically long time (longer than the 6000 years the Young Earth Creationists claim the world has been in existence) for bones to become fossils.

    I had assumed from your disdain of fossil classification was a disguised attack on fossils themselves.

  11. Mohammet Joe says:

    Tyrannosaurus Tax

  12. Ummah Gummah says:




  13. Ummah Gummah says:

    Tax Slave says:
    December 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Again, how long does it take?



  14. Mr Evilwrench says:

    Well, I caught a garter snake in the backyard back in the early 2000’s and kept him for a while for educational purposes, young son and all. I named him “Bill” after Bill Clinton (assuming it was male, of course), mostly because I didn’t have any pet maggots or leaches. True story. I can understand naming a bug eating lizard after the HNIC on this basis. I’m still not figuring on keeping any pet maggots or leaches.

  15. No tax, I was attacking the loose and shoddy classification that passes for science whenever it is convenient for raising taxpayer contributions for more researcher payroll. I don’t really care how long it takes for fossilization to occur but it happened to Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd in less than 100.

    But I suspect that if you already believe that a magical God or Gods could speak the entire Earth into creation and then load it with living creatures, that manufacturing a few fossils (from whatever He or they thought was best and giving them whatever age He or They thought best) isn’t that much of a stretch.

    But really. There is plenty of bogus science going around. Rejecting it doesn’t make me a religious fanatic. It makes me a science fanatic. Just like REAL religious fanatics reject heresy from other religious people.

  16. Kevin R. says:

    The Pontificator @ 1:07 pm says: Obamadon Gracilis. “Graceful Obama”, huh?

    No, no, no. Gracilis means slender.

    Professor Hale, I don’t think your detractor actually read the linked article.

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