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Mar 04 2013

Suspended for Eating Pastry Into Gun Shape

A firearm in the hands of a law-abiding citizen is the concretization of individual liberty. This is why anything that even resembles a gun sends liberals into paroxysms of rage. In the schools they use as indoctrination centers, they have taken their maniacal hatred well beyond self-parody. For example, in Baltimore children were sent home from Park Elementary School due to a disruption allegedly caused by seven-year-old Josh Welch. The disruption:

Josh was enjoying his breakfast pastry when he decided to try and shape it into a mountain.

Josh said, “It was already a rectangle and I just kept on biting it and biting it and tore off the top and it kinda looked like a gun but it wasn’t.”

His punishment for eating a strawberry tart in such a way as to make it vaguely resemble a gun while trying to make it resemble a mountain: two days suspension. Yes, I’m serious.

Chewing a Pop-Tart into the shape of a cross might incur a comparable punishment.

We can only imagine what kids are learning from the militant lunatics who run government schools.

On a tip from Wiggins and G. Fox.

22 Responses to “Suspended for Eating Pastry Into Gun Shape”

  1. A. Levy says:

    “There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them…”
    George Orwell

  2. Ghost of FA Hayek says:

    Apparently Josh suffers from ADHD
    I think insane moonbats try to attach these labels to everyone they can to try to make themselves appear normal

  3. metalgarth says:

    Was it an assault pop-tart with a high capacity magazine?

    …mmmm assault pop-tart with high capacity magazine (drool)

  4. rinardman says:

    If the boy ate his poptart into the shape of male genitalia, would he be suspended for sexual harassment?

  5. BoJangles says:

    Male genitalia? They’d make him the principle.

  6. Son of Taz says:

    Time for the parents to lawyer up. Or, maybe shoot the principal with the ……. Poptart.

  7. whotothewhat says:

    Schools are just instilling fear into children about guns. The anti-gun psychobabble is being deployed at a early age so they learn to fear or hate firearms.

  8. ARIZONA says:


  9. StanInTexas says:

    Arizona, it is OBVIOUSLY past time for you to take your medication.

    And a nap!

  10. Flu-Bird says:

    The inmates are in charge of the asilum Our schools are run by the whipotards and 70s pacisfist pansies

  11. dan says:

    Flu-Bird : they were the only ones that could bear the
    PC Pablum fed at the teachers institutes

  12. Dr. Theo says:

    Did anyone notice that that gun disguised as a school building has a detachable magazine, red-dot sites and a silencer? The school should be banned AND destroyed before any one gets hurt.

  13. artfldgr says:


    easy fix…

    just tell the kids to say its a hair dryer and they want to be a fashionista… then watch a teacher go from harridan harpy to angelic supporter…

  14. PPs43 says:

    If Pop-Tarts are dangerous weapons, then so’s this institution of socialization. I say BAN IT!!! (Even if it only saves one child, it will be worth it.)

  15. Ginsengbull says:

    When my son was in kindergarten, or 1st grade, they read some story about a dog or something, then posed the question “What’s man’s best friend?”

    My son blurted out “AK-47”!

    That’s my boy!

  16. Flu-Bird says:

    Dont forget in the sciene from WINNIE the POOH and the BLUSTERY DAY when he guards his honey supply from the HEFELUMPS & WOOZLES using that pop gun and i saw a illistrated verion of WIND IN THE WILLOWS and RAT has a gun in his belt the BLOW AWAY WEASELS WITH

  17. Henry says:

    Flu-Bird, they’ll be replacing those guns with walkie-talkies in short order.

  18. grayjohn says:

    Fire the entire staff, from the teacher in question to the principal. Give the students a week off, cleans the school with sage smoke and clorox, take all the text books to the landfill and replace them with factual books, then bring back the kids and start over. Repeat state by state until communistmoonbatteryinsanity is dead.

  19. Momster says:

    Just when I was thinking it wasn’t so much the gun shape that got the kid in trouble. It was the fact that he was eating a forbidden pop tart.

    THEN, I googled an image of the felonious pop tart in question (boy,, did that teacher ever have a great imagination!) and slso saw a much more nutritious version of the pop tart gun. It was a gun fashioned out of toasted whole wheat bread with a magazine fully loaded with raisins. Hilarious.

  20. Flu-Bird says:

    Our school system totaly stinks becuase of this PC,ZERO TOLLRENCE nonsense

  21. Bee says:

    What happens to a kid caught fashioning Play Doh into a profile of Florida?

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