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Mar 01 2019

Why Moonbats Will Ban Toilet Paper

Where socialism prevails, there is no toilet paper. The Soviet Union was one example; Venezuela is another. A USA run by moonbats will be a third. Even before the economy collapses, TP is likely to be forbidden — for the sake of the forests:

The voracious use of toilet paper in the United States — with the average American using almost three rolls each week and major manufacturers spurning alternative fibres — is destroying Canada’s forests and causing widespread environmental damage, two international environmental groups say.

According to a report, toilet paper usage by incorrigible Americans oppresses Canada’s boreal forests.

“Forests are too vital to flush away,” says the report, called The Issue With Tissue, released Wednesday by Natural Resources Defense Council and, international nonprofit environmental organizations that cooperated on the study.

One of the main tissue producers denounced for environmental incorrectness is Procter & Gamble. This company is infamous for shoving anti-Caucasian and anti-male propaganda down customers’ throats in an apparent effort to sell products by pandering to leftists. Yet again we see that the ESG approach is doomed to failure. Progressives will never be placated, because by definition they must always progress to ever more demented demands.

What today’s activists denounce, tomorrow’s Democrat rulers forbid. Enjoy wiping with unrecycled toilet paper that doesn’t disintegrate during use while you can.

Or maybe they will have us using corncobs:

The report also unrolls the incredible toilet paper use by consumers in the U.S., noting that just 150 years ago Americans used corncobs to clean up, but have since been drummed by marketing campaigns to demand the softest tissue they can get, which comes from Canada’s softwood.

Good thing wooden dentures would oppress the forests. Otherwise, leftist luddites might insist we go back to those too.

Compounding the environmental concerns is that all of those trees turned into pulp and made into tissue are then flushed down the toilet without recycling diversion.

Some things really should not be recycled no matter how much you love the planet. Used toilet paper is a prime example.

Per intersectionality, there must always be a Cultural Marxism angle. Here it comes:

Rampant use of virgin pulp tissue is threatening the way of life for Canada’s Indigenous Peoples, causing large environmental damage, endangering wildlife and contributing to climate change…

Wiping your behind oppresses aborigines and causes global warming. If you want to think of yourself as a good person, whatever you do, don’t wipe. Enjoy the itchiness and smell as constant reminders of your piety.

On tips from Bluto and Stormfax.

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