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Jan 09 2015

Why You Should Avoid Muslims’ Left Hands

Another remarkable tweet from prominent “British” Muslim Anjem Chowderhead, who is often seen spouting Islamic/liberal rhetoric on Sean Hannity’s show:

The reason a Muslim will only touch a Koran with the right hand is that according to Islamic tradition they use the left hand to wipe their messy behinds. T.P. is hard to find out in the desert wastelands of Arabia. Third Worlders have different standards for hygiene.

On a tip from Stormfax. Hat tips: Twitchy, Weasel Zippers.



90 Responses to “Why You Should Avoid Muslims’ Left Hands”

  1. Mr. Freemarket says:

    When the Muslims do find some toilet paper, they use it to wipe off their left hand.

  2. Mr. Freemarket says:

    When the Muslims do find some toilet paper, they use it to wipe off their left hand.

  3. slibbins says:

    Are they allowed to use a catcher’s mitt in cases of diarrhea if they squat towards Mecca?

  4. Speed Gibson says:

    Are they allowed to use a catcher’s mitt in cases of diarrhea if they squat towards Mecca?

  5. Buffalobob says:

    Pissing into the wind is also fronded upon.

  6. Buffalobob says:

    Pissing into the wind is also fronded upon.

  7. MannieP says:

    This is why I always hand things to moslems with my left hand.

  8. Cornbread (like it or not) says:

    I don’t get close enough to ANY muslime to touch either of their hands.

  9. Cornbread (like it or not) says:

    I don’t get close enough to ANY muslime to touch either of their hands.

  10. hiram says:

    Damn, they got a lot of rules…. Check out #9:

    http://www.myreligionislam.com/detail.asp?Aid=6096

    …edit… ROFLMAO!!! Don’t miss the Q&A’s at the end! THEY’RE SETTERS! Muslim men aren’t supposed to pee standing up!

  11. hiram says:

    Damn, they got a lot of rules…. Check out #9:

    http://www.myreligionislam.com/detail.asp?Aid=6096

    …edit… ROFLMAO!!! Don’t miss the Q&A’s at the end! THEY’RE SETTERS! Muslim men aren’t supposed to pee standing up!

  12. now that’s some funny shit…

  13. and flat rocks are definitely out of the question….

  14. now that’s some funny shit…

  15. and flat rocks are definitely out of the question….

  16. Appalled By The World says:

    Islamania, besides being the world’s oldest form of totalitarianism, is also the most comprehensive. ALL of life’s activities from A to Z are covered. Not even Marx and Hitler went as far as discussing butt wiping techniques with their nutty philosophies.

  17. Appalled By The World says:

    Islamania, besides being the world’s oldest form of totalitarianism, is also the most comprehensive. ALL of life’s activities from A to Z are covered. Not even Marx and Hitler went as far as discussing butt wiping techniques with their nutty philosophies.

  18. Gunny G Alz says:

    “One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so.” Islamic men squat to pee! HAHAAHA!

  19. “One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so.” Islamic men squat to pee! HAHAAHA!

  20. Unapologetic American says:

    I not only avoid Muslim’s left hands but all followers of the pedophile “prophet”, Obama’s “savior” Mohammed the pig-phucker, after ALL MooSlimes stink of urine and feces just like our hideous First Lady-Boi Moochelle RobbingWhitey.

    Join the 21st Century Crusade, help stamp out Islam worldwide!

  21. Unapologetic American says:

    I not only avoid Muslim’s left hands but all followers of the pedophile “prophet”, Obama’s “savior” Mohammed the pig-phucker, after ALL MooSlimes stink of urine and feces just like our hideous First Lady-Boi Moochelle RobbingWhitey.

    Join the 21st Century Crusade, help stamp out Islam worldwide!

  22. Bill T says:

    What no instructions on the use of a corn cob.

  23. Bill T says:

    What no instructions on the use of a corn cob.

  24. Unapologetic American says:

    I ALWAYS face Mecca when taking a piss/crap and say “Assa-A Come & Take ’em” when finished.

    I read in the Koran that when unable to find a child to rape the “prophet” Mohammed stuck a corncob up his ass and backed into a pigsty while sucking off a dog.

  25. Unapologetic American says:

    I ALWAYS face Mecca when taking a piss/crap and say “Assa-A Come & Take ’em” when finished.

    I read in the Koran that when unable to find a child to rape the “prophet” Mohammed stuck a corncob up his ass and backed into a pigsty while sucking off a dog.

  26. Jodie says:

    I wonder how long it will take before they start demanding that all of our toilets face a certain direction, in relation to Mecca. Then, there goes another $20 billion of our tax money.

  27. Jodie says:

    I wonder how long it will take before they start demanding that all of our toilets face a certain direction, in relation to Mecca. Then, there goes another $20 billion of our tax money.

  28. F.D.R. in Hell says:

    Tell me that’s a satire page, à la THE ONION.

  29. F.D.R. in Hell says:

    Tell me that’s a satire page, à la THE ONION.

  30. F.D.R. in Hell says:

    Imagine if that were a real Web site! Oy!

  31. F.D.R. in Hell says:

    Imagine if that were a real Web site! Oy!

  32. Ray Caruso says:

    The difference between Choudary and all the “moderate” imam living in the West is that he’s honest.

  33. Ray Caruso says:

    In England they’re doing it already.

  34. Mike_W20 says:

    Question: What are the rules and manners to be followed when answering the call of nature?
    ANSWER
    1. When entering the toilet, one should say the A’udhu (isti’adha) and Basmala and then recite the prayer “Allahumma innee a’oodhu bika minal khubthi wal khabaa-ith.”

    2. When entering the toilet, one should not have in one’s hand anything on which the name of Allahu ta’ala or any verse of the Qur’an al-karim is written. There is no objection if it is in one’s pocket or covered with something. Similarly, when stepping into the toilet, one should not be wearing a pendant with the name of Allah on it. If one has, one should tuck it inside the neck of one’s sweater before entering it.

    3. It is permissible to enter the toilet with an amulet if it is covered properly.

    4. One should enter the toilet with one’s left foot and exit with one’s right foot.

    5. One should recite the prayer “Alhamdu-lil-laa-hil-la-dhi adh-haba ‘a-nil a-dhaa wa ‘a-faa-ni” when exiting the toilet.

    6. One should not talk or sit for a long time or read anything like a newspaper or sing a song or smoke or chew gum in the toilet.

    7. After cleaning one’s private parts, one should cover them immediately.

    8. One should neither face the Qibla nor turn one’s back toward it while urinating or defecating.

    9. One should remove the feces on one’s anus with one’s finger and wash one’s hand. If there are still traces of filth, one should wash them with water.

    10. When cleaning the private parts after answering the call of nature, men should wash them from the back to the front. Women should wash them from the front to the back. Thus, the genitals will not be smeared with filth, nor will it cause one to be sexually aroused by the stimulation of fingers.

    11. One should dry one’s private parts with a cloth after washing them. If there is not a cloth available, it is permissible to use toilet paper because toilet paper is produced to be used after answering the call of nature. But using other kinds of paper for this purpose is not permissible.

    12. One should sprinkle some water over one’s underpants after cleaning one’s private parts. By doing so, when one notices wetness on one’s underpants, one will not feel doubt as to whether it is urine or not. One should assume it to be the sprinkled water and should not fall into baseless misgivings (waswasa).

    13. After cleaning their private parts, men should do istibra. Women do not do it. Istibra means not to leave any drops of urine in the urethra. It is done by walking or coughing or lying on the left side.

    14. If a man exits the toilet without doing istibra, drops of urine may come out and soil his underwear. Therefore, he should insert a cotton wick as big as a barley seed into his urinary hole, whereby he will prevent urine from oozing out.

    15. Istinka means a feeling of being sure and having no doubts that there are no drops of urine left, and one’s heart is at ease about it. A man can make wudu’ after this certitude in his heart.

    16. One should not look at one’s private parts or spit into the toilet.

    17. One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so and should not let drops of urine splash onto one’s clothes. To that end, one should keep separate pajamas or tracksuit. It is mustahab to enter the toilet with separate pajamas and with the head covered.

    18. One should wash one’s hands after using the toilet.

    19. One must not urinate into any water, on a wall of a mosque, in a cemetery, or on a road.

    20. Cleaning the private parts with stones and similar materials is an acceptable substitute for cleaning them with water.

    Question: Is it better to have separate clothes to wear in the toilet?
    ANSWER
    Yes, it is better. Wearing separate clothes for the toilet and staying there with your head covered is mustahab. (Se’âdet-i Ebediyye)

    Question: I think that a western-style flush toilet is more comfortable to use. Is it permissible to use a western-style toilet instead of a squat one?
    ANSWER
    If one, when using a sit-down toilet, can clean one’s private parts comfortably and spray from one’s urine does not come back on one’s clothes, there is nothing wrong with using it. However, using a squat toilet has many health benefits:
    1. Cleaning filth is easier.
    2. Spray from urine is less likely to come back on one’s body and clothes.
    3. As one’s colon is emptied completely, the urinary bladder and bowels relax.
    4. When one is in the squatting position, fecal matter does not remain in the tube along which it moves and is expelled from the body. Western physicians who studied why urinary tract- and colon-related diseases were uncommon among Muslims found that it was because Muslims did not use sit-down toilets.

    Urinary system disorders, especially prostate problems, are very distressing things, which have a negative effect on the happiness of a family. Men must not urinate while standing, and Muslims should choose (between squatting and sitting) the best one for health.

    Question: Is it mustahab for both men and women to enter the toilet by covering their heads? Can a woman enter the toilet by covering her head with an underscarf (hijab accessory) instead of a headscarf?
    ANSWER
    Yes, it is mustahab to enter the toilet with a covered head. A woman’s wearing an underscarf suffices for this purpose.

    Question: What is the sunnat method of squatting in the toilet? Should one put both hands or one hand one one’s cheek?
    ANSWER
    The right hand is placed on the right cheek and the left hand is placed on the left one. This is the sunnat method. When there is the need to use a hand, the right hand should remain on the right cheek and the left hand should be used. This is the proper way.

    http://www.myreligionislam.com/detail.asp?Aid=6096

  35. Mike_W20 says:

    Question: What are the rules and manners to be followed when answering the call of nature?
    ANSWER
    1. When entering the toilet, one should say the A’udhu (isti’adha) and Basmala and then recite the prayer “Allahumma innee a’oodhu bika minal khubthi wal khabaa-ith.”

    2. When entering the toilet, one should not have in one’s hand anything on which the name of Allahu ta’ala or any verse of the Qur’an al-karim is written. There is no objection if it is in one’s pocket or covered with something. Similarly, when stepping into the toilet, one should not be wearing a pendant with the name of Allah on it. If one has, one should tuck it inside the neck of one’s sweater before entering it.

    3. It is permissible to enter the toilet with an amulet if it is covered properly.

    4. One should enter the toilet with one’s left foot and exit with one’s right foot.

    5. One should recite the prayer “Alhamdu-lil-laa-hil-la-dhi adh-haba ‘a-nil a-dhaa wa ‘a-faa-ni” when exiting the toilet.

    6. One should not talk or sit for a long time or read anything like a newspaper or sing a song or smoke or chew gum in the toilet.

    7. After cleaning one’s private parts, one should cover them immediately.

    8. One should neither face the Qibla nor turn one’s back toward it while urinating or defecating.

    9. One should remove the feces on one’s anus with one’s finger and wash one’s hand. If there are still traces of filth, one should wash them with water.

    10. When cleaning the private parts after answering the call of nature, men should wash them from the back to the front. Women should wash them from the front to the back. Thus, the genitals will not be smeared with filth, nor will it cause one to be sexually aroused by the stimulation of fingers.

    11. One should dry one’s private parts with a cloth after washing them. If there is not a cloth available, it is permissible to use toilet paper because toilet paper is produced to be used after answering the call of nature. But using other kinds of paper for this purpose is not permissible.

    12. One should sprinkle some water over one’s underpants after cleaning one’s private parts. By doing so, when one notices wetness on one’s underpants, one will not feel doubt as to whether it is urine or not. One should assume it to be the sprinkled water and should not fall into baseless misgivings (waswasa).

    13. After cleaning their private parts, men should do istibra. Women do not do it. Istibra means not to leave any drops of urine in the urethra. It is done by walking or coughing or lying on the left side.

    14. If a man exits the toilet without doing istibra, drops of urine may come out and soil his underwear. Therefore, he should insert a cotton wick as big as a barley seed into his urinary hole, whereby he will prevent urine from oozing out.

    15. Istinka means a feeling of being sure and having no doubts that there are no drops of urine left, and one’s heart is at ease about it. A man can make wudu’ after this certitude in his heart.

    16. One should not look at one’s private parts or spit into the toilet.

    17. One should not urinate while standing unless there is strong necessity for doing so and should not let drops of urine splash onto one’s clothes. To that end, one should keep separate pajamas or tracksuit. It is mustahab to enter the toilet with separate pajamas and with the head covered.

    18. One should wash one’s hands after using the toilet.

    19. One must not urinate into any water, on a wall of a mosque, in a cemetery, or on a road.

    20. Cleaning the private parts with stones and similar materials is an acceptable substitute for cleaning them with water.

    Question: Is it better to have separate clothes to wear in the toilet?
    ANSWER
    Yes, it is better. Wearing separate clothes for the toilet and staying there with your head covered is mustahab. (Se’âdet-i Ebediyye)

    Question: I think that a western-style flush toilet is more comfortable to use. Is it permissible to use a western-style toilet instead of a squat one?
    ANSWER
    If one, when using a sit-down toilet, can clean one’s private parts comfortably and spray from one’s urine does not come back on one’s clothes, there is nothing wrong with using it. However, using a squat toilet has many health benefits:
    1. Cleaning filth is easier.
    2. Spray from urine is less likely to come back on one’s body and clothes.
    3. As one’s colon is emptied completely, the urinary bladder and bowels relax.
    4. When one is in the squatting position, fecal matter does not remain in the tube along which it moves and is expelled from the body. Western physicians who studied why urinary tract- and colon-related diseases were uncommon among Muslims found that it was because Muslims did not use sit-down toilets.

    Urinary system disorders, especially prostate problems, are very distressing things, which have a negative effect on the happiness of a family. Men must not urinate while standing, and Muslims should choose (between squatting and sitting) the best one for health.

    Question: Is it mustahab for both men and women to enter the toilet by covering their heads? Can a woman enter the toilet by covering her head with an underscarf (hijab accessory) instead of a headscarf?
    ANSWER
    Yes, it is mustahab to enter the toilet with a covered head. A woman’s wearing an underscarf suffices for this purpose.

    Question: What is the sunnat method of squatting in the toilet? Should one put both hands or one hand one one’s cheek?
    ANSWER
    The right hand is placed on the right cheek and the left hand is placed on the left one. This is the sunnat method. When there is the need to use a hand, the right hand should remain on the right cheek and the left hand should be used. This is the proper way.

    http://www.myreligionislam.com/detail.asp?Aid=6096

  36. ed says:

    mus-tards are not allowed to hold themselves while urinating ” reason” so as not to excite themselves , only 2 handfuls of sand to wipe there asses ,3 handfuls are haram again as not to excite themselves [ sharia rulings ]

  37. ed says:

    mus-tards are not allowed to hold themselves while urinating ” reason” so as not to excite themselves , only 2 handfuls of sand to wipe there asses ,3 handfuls are haram again as not to excite themselves [ sharia rulings ]

  38. ed says:

    two muslims arrived at an airport in the west , one sent his friend to get a glass of water , his friend came back without the water , asking why ? his friend said “there was someone sitting on the well “

  39. ed says:

    two muslims arrived at an airport in the west , one sent his friend to get a glass of water , his friend came back without the water , asking why ? his friend said “there was someone sitting on the well “

  40. grayjohn says:

    Better idea: Just avoid Muslims

  41. grayjohn says:

    Better idea: Just avoid Muslims

  42. grayjohn says:

    That’s some insane bullshit right there.

  43. grayjohn says:

    That’s some insane bullshit right there.

  44. Mike_W20 says:

    By an amazing coincidence, hiram, below, posted a link to the exact same website.
    I didn’t notice until I’d posted this.

  45. Mike_W20 says:

    By an amazing coincidence, hiram, below, posted a link to the exact same website.
    I didn’t notice until I’d posted this.

  46. theBuckWheat says:

    All the meticulous details of the daily life routine of an observant Muslim is laid out in their famous book, Reliance of The Traveler.

    Read for yourself:
    http://www.islamicbulletin.org/free_downloads/resources/reliance2_complete.pdf

  47. theBuckWheat says:

    All the meticulous details of the daily life routine of an observant Muslim is laid out in their famous book, Reliance of The Traveler.

    Read for yourself:
    http://www.islamicbulletin.org/free_downloads/resources/reliance2_complete.pdf

  48. Momster says:

    By the time I read all the rules, said the prayers, learned which foot to step in on and out on, which azz cheek to grab with what hand–I would have $#!t in my pants!

    These people (kind of like Lib/Prog/Commies) want to run your entire life for you.

  49. Momster says:

    By the time I read all the rules, said the prayers, learned which foot to step in on and out on, which azz cheek to grab with what hand–I would have $#!t in my pants!

    These people (kind of like Lib/Prog/Commies) want to run your entire life for you.

  50. Momster says:

    BINGO, Ray

  51. Momster says:

    BINGO, Ray

  52. Momster says:

    You forgot plain old BO–Mohammed did not use deodorant–so neither do the devout. I know this–I have smelled them (not on purpose–just couldn’t avoid it)

  53. Momster says:

    You forgot plain old BO–Mohammed did not use deodorant–so neither do the devout. I know this–I have smelled them (not on purpose–just couldn’t avoid it)

  54. Momster says:

    The Germans call guys who sit to pee “sitzpinklers” which means exactly that.

  55. Momster says:

    The Germans call guys who sit to pee “sitzpinklers” which means exactly that.

  56. Momster says:

    Arrgh–sand in their cracks–no WONDER they are in a constant stage of pizzed offedness.

  57. Momster says:

    Arrgh–sand in their cracks–no WONDER they are in a constant stage of pizzed offedness.

  58. Rickuh says:

    Allah the bureaucrat. The real God does not care which direction you face when taking a leak or a dump. He does care, however, that excrement is passed through the human posterior, and not through the mouth, which is where it exits Choudary.

  59. Rickuh says:

    Allah the bureaucrat. The real God does not care which direction you face when taking a leak or a dump. He does care, however, that excrement is passed through the human posterior, and not through the mouth, which is where it exits Choudary.

  60. MAS says:

    And so when they chop of a hand for theft it is the right hand…making the suspect a social outcast for the rest of their lives. Can’t go into places like restaurants or markets without severe stigma. That’s the “grace of Allah” boys and girls.

  61. MAS says:

    And so when they chop of a hand for theft it is the right hand…making the suspect a social outcast for the rest of their lives. Can’t go into places like restaurants or markets without severe stigma. That’s the “grace of Allah” boys and girls.

  62. hiram says:

    It is a real website. There’s plenty of others that list the same things. Years ago, I looked up some stuff on a page of the School of Theology at Cairo University… it was all in Arabic, but Google Page Translate is a beautiful thing! I swear to God, there are rules on how to wash your dick after screwing a dead animal.

  63. hiram says:

    It is a real website. There’s plenty of others that list the same things. Years ago, I looked up some stuff on a page of the School of Theology at Cairo University… it was all in Arabic, but Google Page Translate is a beautiful thing! I swear to God, there are rules on how to wash your dick after screwing a dead animal.

  64. Rotohammer says:

    This is why potty training for Muslims is not completed until about 10 years of age. It might explain a lot of Muslim neuroses, due to bathroom trips being so complicated.

  65. Rotohammer says:

    This is why potty training for Muslims is not completed until about 10 years of age. It might explain a lot of Muslim neuroses, due to bathroom trips being so complicated.

  66. grayjohn says:

    If Hollywood existed when Mohamed was alive, he’d have been an A lister for sure

  67. grayjohn says:

    If Hollywood existed when Mohamed was alive, he’d have been an A lister for sure

  68. TED says:

    T.P. hard to find in the desert?! SO IS WATER!! I wouildn’t touch a friggin nasty arab period.

  69. TED says:

    T.P. hard to find in the desert?! SO IS WATER!! I wouildn’t touch a friggin nasty arab period.

  70. TED says:

    Another difference they have with the LEFT.

  71. TED says:

    Another difference they have with the LEFT.

  72. JoeK says:

    But they don’t wear pants, they wear dresses so the shit would just run down their legs into their sandals!!

  73. JoeK says:

    But they don’t wear pants, they wear dresses so the shit would just run down their legs into their sandals!!

  74. 762x51 says:

    I by avoid you mean exterminate, I agree.

  75. 762x51 says:

    I by avoid you mean exterminate, I agree.

  76. 762x51 says:

    After some one teaches them what it is for.

  77. 762x51 says:

    After some one teaches them what it is for.

  78. 762x51 says:

    There are others who sit to pee . . .

  79. 762x51 says:

    There are others who sit to pee . . .

  80. RegT says:

    Do you know how to tell when a muslim becomes a man?
    He takes off his diaper and wraps it around his head.

  81. RegT says:

    Do you know how to tell when a muslim becomes a man?
    He takes off his diaper and wraps it around his head.

  82. sven eriksen says:

    America is Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! If ignorance is bliss, how come the Right is not happy. By the way, where are those WMDs in Iraq? What about Saddam’s connections to 9/11? And where is Elvis living? Fucking liars!!!!!!!

  83. sven eriksen says:

    America is Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! If ignorance is bliss, how come the Right is not happy. By the way, where are those WMDs in Iraq? What about Saddam’s connections to 9/11? And where is Elvis living? Fucking liars!!!!!!!


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