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Aug 26 2021

Experts: Fear Hotdogs

The key to herding sheep is to keep them afraid. That’s where the Experts come in. In case sheep aren’t sufficiently terrified by Covid now that its lethality is petering out, there is always the menace posed by hotdogs:

Researchers released a nutritional index this week aiming to inform guidelines and help Americans achieve healthier and more environmentally stable diets. The index ranked foods by minutes gained or lost off healthy life per serving…

Among the findings:

[A] beef hot dog on a bun resulted in some 36 minutes lost “largely due to the detrimental effect of processed meat,” study authors wrote.

Also, it is possible to choke on a hotdog. Worse yet, hotdogs are vaguely patriotic, often being consumed on the Fourth of July. They were a staple at baseball games when that was America’s pastime, back before the obsequious Black Lives Matter kneeling and kowtowing. This implies that eating hotdogs could lead to jingoism, which liberals inform us is a terrifying phenomenon.

The researchers also considered the “carbon footprint” of foods. According to liberal doctrine, if you eat the wrong food, it will become warmer outside, and this will negatively impact your health. Liberal doctrine is patently insane, but researchers who do not cater to it have a harder time acquiring lucrative taxpayer-funded grants.

When science concerned itself with facts, it took us to the moon. But as with baseball, moonbattery is ruining it.

On a tip from Wiggins.


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