It used to be that paper products were unholy in the enviromoonbat religion. They entailed cutting down sacred trees. But now trees themselves are unholy, because they cause the climate to continue fluctuating the way it always has. Bill Gates has even devoted $millions to cutting down whole forests out of sheer environmental righteousness and burying them so that no carbon dioxide can escape to serve as a nutrient to other plants. Since they help save the climate from trees, paper products are now good. So say the papertarians:

Are you a papertarian? That is the focus of a new integrated advertising campaign aimed at informing how choosing paper-based products are a smart choice for our forests and the environment here in the U.S. and to encourage recycling. The campaign from the Paper and Packaging Board (P+PB) launched [in April] on streaming, traditional and cable TV, CTV, paid digital channels, magazines, podcasts and social media with celebrity Retta. She is a comedian and actress known for her roles on the Good Girls, Parks and Recreation and Ugliest House in America.

A papertarian is someone who lives a paper-based lifestyle. A Papertarian does right by the planet by making the choice to use products made from paper over other products because paper comes from trees, a sustainable, renewable resource not from fossil fuels.

In contrast, plastics are made from fossil fuels. That means they are bad. At least they are for people who produce and import paper packaging like the Paper and Packaging Board.

If the paper people put up enough money to buy the news media like Pfizer has, their propaganda campaign will get traction among weak-minded moonbats. Papertarians will exist outside the paper packaging industry. They will scream in your face if they see you buying something at the store that isn’t packaged in paper.

But then eventually paper will be bad again, just as the media will probably give up trying to make us afraid of nice weather and go back to shrieking about global cooling. As with all aspects of liberalism, there is no direct connection to objective reality. All that matters is to posture self-righteously.

On a tip from Wiggins.

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