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Jul 24 2021

The Cleveland Capitulators, I Mean Guardians

The cowards threw Chief Wahoo under the bus, as if they thought that would satisfy the PC mob. But submission is the last thing that would make bullies stop bullying. Now the Cleveland Indians have been cowed into changing the name they have had for more than a century.

Many suitable names have been suggested, including the Cleveland Cowards, Cleveland Cucks, Cleveland Eunuchs, Cleveland Transgenders, Cleveland Chowderheads, Cleveland Candyasses, Cleveland Soy Boys, Cleveland Cave-ins, Cleveland Pantywaists, Cleveland Pussies, Cleveland Sissies, Cleveland Wimps, Cleveland Snowflakes, and Cleveland Cowardly Pussytwat Crying Crybabies. These were apparently rejected on grounds of offensiveness. The Babylon Bee reported that they would change their name to the Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features or Specific Ethnic Background. Turns out they opted instead for the still more drab Cleveland Guardians.

So as not to offend anyone by naming the team after them, they named the team after the art deco “Guardians of Traffic” statues along the edge of the Hope Memorial Bridge in Cleveland. Seriously, that’s where they got the name.

Granted, statues can’t get offended and start crybullying. But what if crybullies are offended by statues? Black Lives Matter has destroyed countless statues over the past year to erase American heritage in the name of Marxism and black supremacism. Could naming a team after statues be a microaggression against BLM, and by extension, against all Persons of Color? If mobs of cognitively defective sociopaths aren’t burning down Cleveland, it’s only because this hasn’t yet occurred to them.

The Babylon Bee has also reported that according to scientists, moonbats will run out of new things to call “racist” by the end of the year. This means that by the time players have a chance to kneel along the foul line to Black Lives Matter in their new Cleveland Guardians uniforms in 2022, the name “Guardians” will already have been found racist and canceled. That’s why the Washington Redskins, rather than try to come up with a name that no leftist would find offensive, changed their name to the Washington Football Team.

Actually, liberals will never run out of things to be offended by. It is how they exert power over us. Forcing us to change names and restrict our vocabulary is how they display dominance. Unless by some miracle people develop enough character to stand up to them, self-righteous social justice warriors will start banning letters of the alphabet on the grounds that they are racist. When we have been reduced to inarticulate grunts, they will ban those too.

Then they will start canceling the stars in the sky.

On tips from Varla, Feet2Fire, and Wiggins.


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2 Responses to “The Cleveland Capitulators, I Mean Guardians”

  1. […] the other day, I predicted that when liberals run out of other things to cancel for being racist, they will go […]


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