Imaginary crises call for whimsical solutions — like curing the nonexistent climate problem by polluting the ocean with Rolaids:

The ocean plays a critical role in curbing climate change. Like forests and wetlands, it naturally recycles carbon dioxide from the atmosphere at a massive scale.

[Canadian oceanographer Will] Burt works for Planetary Technologies, a Canadian startup that’s attempting to harness and accelerate that potential by adding antacid powder to the ocean.

The theory goes that by altering seawater chemistry, the ocean’s surface could absorb far more atmospheric carbon than it does naturally.

This would deny the precious nutrient CO2 to the crops that thrive on it. The effect on marine life cannot be known in advance. But the important thing is for moonbats to be cutting edge in their lunacy while posturing righteously as defenders of the climate.

Planetary intends to recycle mine waste from a defunct asbestos mine in Quebec to produce pure magnesium hydroxide, which the company believes would help accelerate the ocean’s carbon uptake ability in the areas where it’s used.

Raising funds is no problem:

The e-commerce giant Shopify has already committed to purchasing 730 tons in future carbon credits from the company — a move designed to accelerate its efforts to perfect the method.

If corporate moonbats wanting to purchase green virtue for public relations purposes don’t cough up enough cash, Big Government can always step in by printing some more.

Another bright idea entails “shooting lasers to electrochemically change the water’s chemistry.” Hopefully Austin Powers will arrive in time to stop Dr. Evil from putting any of this into practice.

The Top 10 Craziest Solutions to Global Warming list needs extending. At least choking the seas with magnesium hydroxide couldn’t be any more catastrophic than filling the air with sulfur to block out the sun, as Bill Gates wants to do.

On a tip from Wiggins.

As noted recently, postmodern progressives have switched the meaning of the words “liberalism” and “fascism.” Freedom from authoritarian government is now fascist. Consequently, the concept of parents having rights regarding what the government does to their children is “literally just fascism,” as this young educator explains:

If you don’t want freaks to brainwash children into becoming transsexual against the wishes of their parents, you too are a fascist.

Adolf Hitler weighs in:

On a tip from Anonymous.

It is too late for Jennifer Angel to benefit from the brutal lesson she learned, but at least her friends and family should profit from it, so that her death not be in vain. However, they appear to be moonbats, whose ideology short-circuits their ability to learn:

Jennifer Angel went to a Wells Fargo bank branch in Oakland [last] Monday afternoon. A car pulled in front of her vehicle and blocked her from leaving…

A spokesperson with the Oakland Police Department said that around 12:30 p.m., “an individual broke into” Angel’s car while she was in it and stole an item, then ran back “to a waiting vehicle.”

Broad daylight offers no safety in a city that has succumbed to the Democrat Death Spiral.

Angel chased after the thief and got caught in the door of the fleeing car. She was reportedly dragged down the street for more than 50 feet, hitting her head several times.

This was enough to kill her, but not enough to knock sense into her survivors. They issued a statement reading in part:

“We know Jen would not want to continue the cycle of harm by bringing state-sanctioned violence to those involved in her death or to other members of Oakland’s rich community. As a long-time social movement activist and anarchist, Jen did not believe in state violence, carceral punishment, or incarceration as an effective or just solution to social violence and inequity.”

They proclaimed that whoever killed her while robbing her should not be prosecuted.

But if Jennifer Angel was truly on board with allowing criminals to do as they please, why did she chase after her property? Her last thought might have been to wish a cop were present.

On tips from Bluto and Marty.

In George Orwell’s 1984, protagonist Winston Smith’s job at the Ministry of Truth is to erase documentation of the past so that it can be reinvented to serve the current political interests of the ruling party. As Orwell wrote, “The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became the truth.”

Tony Heller demonstrates how this is principle is applied to the weather record, now that even that has been politicized:

In the future, everything Heller documents will disappear down the memory hole. We will remember a past that never happened.

On a tip from Lyle.

South Africa is not the only place where the lights of civilization are beginning to flicker out. Alice Springs, Australia has been reverting to savagery. Drunken violence is so out of control that Alice Springs Cinemas is not bothering to replace a boarded-up glass front door that has been smashed five times in the past 4 weeks. Residents are leaving as fast as they can sell their homes, and the mayor says he “can’t blame them.” When citizens met to discuss what to do, the media denounced them as “white supremacists” and compared them to the Ku Klux Klan.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation is left-wing government media, equivalent to PBS and the BBC. It has sided aggressively with the savages who are dragging Alice Springs back into the Stone Age:

The propaganda is so over the top that it evoked major backlash. ABC was forced to apologize “for providing an incomplete picture” of the Save Alice Springs meeting.

The public broadcaster went on to say it had ‘reportedly accurately’ on the views of ‘some people who attended the community meeting’.

‘However, this report should have included a broader range of perspectives expressed at the meeting and further information about what was discussed, to provide additional context,’ the statement read.

The situation in Alice Springs and elsewhere would never have gotten this bad if not for the media stoking problems and denouncing those who do not embrace decay as racists. Drunk on woke ideology, it is fundamentally hostile to Western Civilization, which it is working to destroy.

On a tip from Barry A.

In a society so dominated by moonbats that Christian churches exist only to be subverted by and subordinated to their ideology, God Himself must conform to wokeism. Moonbats would prefer that be worded, God zirself:

The Church of England is considering referring to God in “non-gendered” terms during services, the Telegraph reported.

Breaking with centuries of tradition, bishops have announced they are launching a major “project on gendered language” this spring.

It may suggest that priests stop using the male pronouns “He” and “Him” when referring to God in some prayers, or even that they can drop the famous phrase “our Father” from the start of the Lord’s Prayer.

Also, the Church of England will now officially bless same sex “marriages,” despite homosexuality being strictly forbidden throughout the Bible.

While they are making big changes, they might consider deleting the First Commandment. “You shall have no other gods before Me” no longer applies to a church that first serves liberal decay.

On tips from Franco and ABC of the ANC.

A recent Vice News panel discussion demonstrated that enlisting Asians into the cultural Marxist coalition to destroy American civilization will encounter resistance:

It takes character to speak sense to moonbattery when you are hopelessly outnumbered, even though the woke hordes will always fall short regarding intellectual firepower. At least the admirable countermoonbat Vince Dao was not entirely alone:

We already knew that trying to cure blindness is ableist. Now we know that blaming violence committed by lunatics on lunacy rather than white supremacy is ableist too.

Attempting to spin anti-Asian violence as evidence of the iniquity of whites is duplicitous in the extreme. Virtually all of this violence is committed by blacks.

PJW tips his hat to Vince Dao:

Some of the facial reactions are priceless. Progressives cannot get their heads around the concept of people failing to submit to their toxic ideology.

On a tip from KirklesWorth.

Looks like we are catching up to South Africa on the road to liberal utopia. Like California, the moonbat haven Austin is already having trouble keeping the lights on. Progressives ought to be pleased to see that someone with the proper attitude has stepped forward to take charge of energy policy:

A recent power outage in Austin, Texas, resulted in huge bills for Austin Energy customers, leaving the Austin City Council to hear criticism from upset community members at a city council meeting.

One man took advantage of the public comment portion, ironically criticizing the Austin Energy company while wearing a rainbow wig, with clown makeup and clown attire. …

“My mother told me to dress for the job that you want to have, and that’s why I’m here today, because I would like to be the CEO of Austin Energy,” the mysterious clown continued.

Austin Energy is not a private company but a department of the City of Austin, so the primary requirement for the position he seeks is ideological correctness.

As he notes, his priorities align with those of Austin. He holds the fight against climate change to be the number one priority, even noting that if we are to get to zero carbon emissions we should not be using power at all. So committed is this bold defender of the climate to saving the planet that he destroyed his own gas stove. He also has pronouns and the Ukrainian flag in his Twitter bio.

His request for a salary of $350,000–$500,000 is reasonable, considering that he has a cocaine habit and a wife with stage five testicular cancer to support.

This clinches it:

“I also took a 23 and Me test and found out that I am 3% black, so not hiring me would be a literal act of violence,” he continued.

Leftist Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm had best beware. Before long, this guy will come for her job:

On a tip from Varla.

Jesus would not be welcome in a society dominated by moonbats. Not even curing the blind would win him favorable coverage from the liberal media. It would be denounced as thoughtcrime — more specifically, ableism.

Tech Crunch explains:

[T]he biggest problem with wanting to “cure” blindness is that it reinforces a moral superiority of sorts by those without disabilities over those who are disabled. Although not confronted nearly as often as racism and sexism, systemic ableism is pervasive through all parts of society. The fact of the matter is that the majority of abled people view disability as a failure of the human condition; as such, people with disabilities should be mourned and pitied. More pointedly … disabilities should be eradicated — cured.

Obesity is celebrated by moonbats despite being a morbidity likely to take many years off your life. Why not blindness?

The same goes for deafness:

If someone “cured” deafness, what would happen to the people? Deaf culture is real. The culture would fade away because there’d be no reason for sign language to exist and the experiences derived from it. …

Disabilities need no cure. What truly needs curing is society’s proclivity to view the disability community as little more than real-life characters from a Tod Browning film. Disabled people are not freaks. Disability isn’t a bad word. You can learn a lot from us.

Under cultural Marxism, being disabled isn’t a disability; it is yet another “marginalized” identity. It is power.

Anything bad, like sickness or disability, our moonbat overlords demand we embrace. Anything good, like curing the blind, they piously denounce. Modern liberalism could be defined as the pursuit of depravity as the ultimate end in itself.

On a tip from Steve T.

The future moonbattery makes inevitable is coming for us all. Because the Rainbow Utopia is a few years ahead of the rest, it is hitting South Africa first:

National Disaster Management Centre head Dr Elias Sithole has classified the impact of load-shedding as a national disaster.

Droned Sh**hole:

“[I] hereby call upon organs of state to further strengthen and support existing structures established to coordinate and manage the implementation of contingency arrangements in line with the National Energy Action Plan.”

President Cyril Ramaphosa contributes more words:

“Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary measures. The energy crisis is an existential threat to our economy and social fabric of our country,” said Ramaphosa.

“We must spare no effort, and we must allow no delay, in implementing these measures.”

Meanwhile, the lights flicker out as a formerly wealthy country circles the drain.

Every time you flip the switch and the lights still come on, be thankful that liberalism has not yet reached full flower.

On a tip from ABC of the ANC.

If the world blows up but the liberal media refuses to report it, does it make a sound? The Project Veritas Pfizer videos (see here, here, and here) have already been eclipsed as the biggest story in years. It appears probable that the Biden Administration committed an act of war against the country with the world’s largest nuclear arsenal by sabotaging the Nord Stream pipelines. Both stories have been ignored by the liberal media establishment, consigning it to irrelevance.

Mike Lee highlights the significance for anyone who thinks it can’t be the end of the world if the legacy media isn’t reporting it:

Combined with Seymour Hersh’s reporting, this is virtually a smoking gun:

Biden’s psychotically smug expression at the conclusion of that clip may come to be remembered as the Smirk That Launched a Thousand Warheads — provided there is anyone left to remember it.

The best way to avoid war at this point may be to promptly remove Biden from office on grounds of conspicuous incompetence and then subject him to an international trial.

At least we have confirmation that the alleged “climate crisis” that the Regime has been inflating our money toward worthlessness to confront is a fiction. Otherwise, Biden would not have deliberately caused up to 400,000 tons of methane to leak into the atmosphere.

On tips from KirklesWorth and Barry A.